to find it incredibly irritating when in certain circles school fees are talked about as if they are a necessity, not a choice?

[emkana]

Like Emma Thomson currently on the Women programme on BBC 4, or very often in the "Style" section of the Sunday Times.

just me then

Maybe you need to give a bit more detail in your OP?

for example the woman on the programme talked about school fees in the same way as she talked about the mortgage - something that had to be paid. Or in the Money section of the Sunday Times - school fees are included in the items that every "normal" couple would financially plan for. As if the option of state schools didn't even exist.

It's the same at my work, really irritates me. Mind you, I often comment that working at my place is like living inside the Daily Mail.

At my dd's pre-school, one nanny per child was cited as a 'necessity' recently

The mums are all currently asking, "So what have you done about schools?" Their eyes go strangely glazed when I talk about the local state schools, since clearly they've never heard of any of them. (And have suddenly realised how frightfully infra dig it is to be talking to me at all.)

So yes, I know what you mean - it's like those annoying people you used to meet at university who would insist that their families weren't wealthy - "because Daddy says by the time he's paid the school fees, and the two mortgages, there's nothing left".

It depends on how good the state schools are where you live, if they are dire then you don't have much choice. Not every area has a grammar school.

I have an acquaintance with 3 children under 3, all of whom have their names down for prep. Terrifying cost but of course a necessity.

We don't have grammars, but that doesn't mean our state schools are dire. It's not that polar.

I think you need to try to turn your irritation into pity.

Either they live in a crappy area with very poor choice of schools, or a good area but have thick or very average children. Those are the people who see school fees as a necessity like the mortgage.

YANBU

Namechanged in order to rant

at Emma Thompson. Am really disappointed in her.

ds is very bright so will benefit from the small classes and flexibility of the teaching in a private school (and the catchment school is dire), I can't see the state schools allowing him to work 4 years ahead in maths/english and science which is where he is not, nor can I see him being able to study Latin/philosophy etc which are areas that he also enjoys. It's also cheaper to send him to a private school then it is to pay for a before school and after school club . It's a necessity for us.

[sits on fence]

Once you have committed yourself to doing it, they are a neccesity and have to be paid before any 'discretional' spend - otherwise your DC could be turfed out.

Nothing is more calculated to annoy the yes-we-can-afford-it-and-yes-it-is-our-choice-but-it-doesn't-leave-us-any-money-for-anything-else independent school parents (that would be us, then) than the feckless parent who drives a new Merc, insists her PFB can only wear cashmere rather than standard-issue acrylic jumper, generally appears to spend money like water, but, according to (well-informed) school grapevine is 2 years behind on the fees.

..as I said, once you have taken that decision they do need to be paid .

Tis a shame for them. If mine were thick we'd have to find the cash fir school fees. Luckily they are clever enough for the comp.

What tosh that you "don't have a choice" but to pay if you have crappy state schools- the people who actually don't have a choice are the people who coud never afford private school fees in the first place.

I think if you have children at private schools, and want to keep them there, then it would be helpful to view school fees as akin to the mortgage.

But you need to pick your audience.

so, Balliol? where's the rant?

I suppose that once you've made a decision to go private, for whatever reason, then continuing to pay the fees for the duration of that phase of education is to all intents and purposes a necessity.

It is not cheaper to send a child to private school than to breakfast and after school club?! I find that very hard to believe, unless he has an absolutely stonking scholarship.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against private education and I think that any parent does what they think best for their child and good luck to everyone...

Yanbu

They don't treat fees as if they are as important as the mortgage, they will get the mortgage to pay the school fees.

Bil has lost his job and they are living like Church mice, but they have 4 dc at public schools (top price band) and they haven't even considered that as something to consider doing without. They are rearranging finances and moving house and will do whatever it takes for the next 10 years.

The Sunday Times is aimed at people who send their children to private schools though, how many adverts for state schools do you see in the education page of the news review?? Their target audience is very select (just look at the property pages/travel pages etc), even the employment section is aimed at high earners.

so, Balliol? where's the rant?

dunno, but its a rather fab name to change to just for a rant about education, somehow

Note that despite my parents beggaring themselves to pay for my private education (again, their choice, their priorities, etc) I clearly can't spell necessity