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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell these people to bugger off....

89 replies

mummalish · 14/03/2010 17:08

My dh has some friends who come from another country. They are a couple, I have to admit that I don't know them very well, they were his friends pre-me and baby. He sees them every now and then. They are pleasant enough, quite friendly actually.

Anyhow, they have just had a new baby and we were invited around, was very pleased to be invited and looked forward to going.

They had some other friends there, who were also from the same country. (DH and I are from England). The lot of them could not stop slagging England off, and I felt quite cross about it, as this is where I was born, this is where I live, this is where my children will live and grow up. I quite like England, it's not perfect, but bloody hell, it's home.

These people mingle mainly with people from their own country, they try to recreate their own country here (fair enough). But they seem to hate it here, the following things seem to be a common source of complaint:

The British in general, their bad attitudes, lack of work ethic, lack of sense of humour, etc

The children, fat, lazy, rude.

The schools, no pride in uniforms, not enough sport etc.

The parenting: Giving children too many options, making them "spoiled", etc

The food: all imported, tasteless fruit etc.

The weather: Rubbish

The young women: Slags, the blokes drink too much, are not as beautiful, handsome and fun and sporty like people from their country.

But, they seem quite happy to live here and earn pounds, use the NHS, (which they complain about too). They quite happily travel around Europe, go skiing, and generally make the most of being in Europe. Although their "real" holidays are when they go "home" every year.

AIBU to have felt so cross when they were slagging off our country right in front of me, as if I should feel this way too? Even if I did feel this way, it's like someone shouting at your child, it's ok if I do it, but don't want a stranger to do it.

Still fuming....

OP posts:
KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 14/03/2010 17:13

tell them if they dislike it here so much to sod off somewhere else.

How rude

magicOC · 14/03/2010 17:17

NO your are def NOT BU

Wouldn't go as far as to say bugger off tho

Don't understand if this country is so bloody awful and theirs is so bloomin marvelous then why oh why are they here?

Next time ask them what it is that is wonderful about this country, there has to be an answer as no sane person would want to live somewhere dire, (which sounds basically what they are saying)

RedbinDippers · 14/03/2010 17:18

I was about to agree with you, then I read the list......

magicOC · 14/03/2010 17:19

Kimi, your mum and sis ok?

Don't want to mention THAT thread again, but, no harm in asking.

BoggleJunior · 14/03/2010 17:24

I was once told to "sod off back where I came from if you hate it so much" by someone in a pub.

I was with a group of friends from my home country and we were talking about issues here because we CARE, were planning our vote in the next election, etc.

Our children will grow up here too. We have two home countries.

Would you have felt the same if English people had said the same things?

I was very upset when that man said it. To be honest, I think I care a lot more and get involved a lot more in the community here than many people who were born here. Am I excluded from comment because of where I was born?

bran · 14/03/2010 17:32

That's very rude, and I would have been tempted to leave early and if asked I would have said that I didn't feel welcome given the topic of converstation.

However, I have lived in various countries and I know that it's very easy to see the negatives of the country that you happen to be in. For instance, whenever I was in Germany I would get annoyed at how crap the supermarkets were, how rude the service was, the impossibility of getting a decent haircut and how bloody cold the wind was. Once I was back in London I would be irritated at how crowded and expensive public transport was, how expensive and unhealthy eating out was, the lack of cosy cafes, rent being a much higher percentage of income etc. Minor irritations, once expressed in the company of sympathetic people, tend to remind others of their irritations and the whole thing turns into a big whingefest very quickly even if, on the whole, people are happier here than they would be in their home country. Try not to take it personally. If the same group got together after they had all moved back to their home country they would be having a big whinge about living there too, because nowhere's perfect.

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 14/03/2010 17:33

Magic, they are still quite upset, saw them yesterday. No news on if we can get scan photos as yet .

I think there is a massive difference to discuss the issues with our very broken country how ever from the OP it would seem they are being very rude about it.

When I was in the states I thought a lot of things were "wrong" but I would not have been rude to my hosts about it, I would also never choose to live there, from the OP it sounded more like they were having a slagging off session then a debate.

Have to say one of my very best friends was once told to feck off back where he came from and he replied "what Wembley"

We had someone stay with us from Devon who just went on and on about how bad London was, so I told them to sod off back down the M4 M5

magicOC · 14/03/2010 17:35

Boggle, it souded more like the OP friends were really slagging this country off to her face and being downright rude.

If I misinterpreted the OP then I take back what I said.

Don't want to cause offense to you or anyone else here. People have rights to opinions and the right to be here, but, as I said in answer to the OP, she should ask what makes this country so great as they clearly like something about it otherwise why would they chose to live here.

moondog · 14/03/2010 17:37

Insensitive.
I rememember going to live in Turkey and being invited for dinner by a big gang of dh's foreign workmates (ie not Turkish) who spent the whole evening slagging off Turkey (by this stage they had all been there fo about a month) while the lovely, charming, educated interpreter/fixer who had helped all of these people find flats, settle in,buy furniture, organise healthcare and so on, sat there ,quietly sipping her drink.

Ranted all the way home.
Noone of these people lasted in the job longer than 4 months.

magicOC · 14/03/2010 17:38

Good luck Kimi.

Wembley

Lutyens · 14/03/2010 17:39

DH and I are English and I have to admit we slag off England with the very same list of complaints. Should we sod off where we came from? (that would be two houses down the road for me )

Lutyens · 14/03/2010 17:40

two MILES down the road, not two houses (not that anyone cares!)

Mimile · 14/03/2010 17:43

Yes, YABU
If they work here and contribute, they have the right to access the NHS and criticise too.
Some of their points are a bit dodgy (the one on beauty for example) but eh, they are entitled to their opinion.
Not British myself, but DH and DD are, and this is my home now - it's not all bad, not all good; but I find that other nations are often far quicker to argue / debate / raise issues than the Brits.

sarah293 · 14/03/2010 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mimile · 14/03/2010 17:46

mind you, if they are friends, they should also be aware they are upsetting you and stop right there.
Did they just want a healthy debate, or were they nit picking?

magicOC · 14/03/2010 17:47

Riven, you hit the nail on the head.

TheCrackFox · 14/03/2010 17:54

To be be completely fair the weather is crap but I take offense at them criticising our sense of humour.

My grandma was an immigrant from Russia and she couldn't stand people like that. She just decided that Britain was home and that was that.

sunshiney · 14/03/2010 18:02

Let me guess, from one of those southern hemisphere places?!

Disclaimer: my own country of origin.

ChunkyPickle · 14/03/2010 18:10

I find that certain cultures are just that way inclined - going out for a beer with Swedes for example - expect that anything you've done, they've done better, anything you've suffered, they've suffered worse.

They don't mean anything by it, it's just how they are.

Austrians and Germans also come across as very harsh in their criticism, again, you've just got to realise that's how they speak - no harm is meant.

tethersend · 14/03/2010 18:10

How ironic... they are doing what every true Brit does best- moaning.

BendyBob · 14/03/2010 18:13

Dh's uncle jets in about twice a year and winds us up no end about how it's sooo much better where he lives.

He keeps coming back to tell us though for some reason. That and the blimmin Christmas newsletter he sends round which is a postal version of the visit

I do actually agree with a couple of things on the OP's list, but I'd never dream of visiting another country and pointing out bad bits to people who have to live there. And there are a lot of things to be proud of too here which would probably make a longer list. Nowhere is perfect.

Alouiseg · 14/03/2010 18:13

I just wish people would "when in Rome". In the middle east the expats toe the line on pain of death or imprisonment.

It was sheer rudeness on their behalf and I would have been extremely vocal about it.

Before anyone plays the race card with me, I'm no WASP myself.

tethersend · 14/03/2010 18:15

"In the middle east the expats toe the line on pain of death or imprisonment."

Yeah, let's be like the middle east!

Sod it, if they want to moan, they'll fit right in.

DinahRod · 14/03/2010 18:17

Used to casually know a Welsh couple who, once they had a few drinks inside them, would be incredibly rude about the English when socialising in their English friends' homes, but oddly were horrified when sober at the thought of going back there to live!

lal123 · 14/03/2010 18:18

YABU - this is now their county too and they are perfectly entitled to slag it off- like everyone else does