To tell these people to bugger off....

[mummalish]

My dh has some friends who come from another country. They are a couple, I have to admit that I don't know them very well, they were his friends pre-me and baby. He sees them every now and then. They are pleasant enough, quite friendly actually.

Anyhow, they have just had a new baby and we were invited around, was very pleased to be invited and looked forward to going.

They had some other friends there, who were also from the same country. (DH and I are from England). The lot of them could not stop slagging England off, and I felt quite cross about it, as this is where I was born, this is where I live, this is where my children will live and grow up. I quite like England, it's not perfect, but bloody hell, it's home.

These people mingle mainly with people from their own country, they try to recreate their own country here (fair enough). But they seem to hate it here, the following things seem to be a common source of complaint:

The British in general, their bad attitudes, lack of work ethic, lack of sense of humour, etc

The children, fat, lazy, rude.

The schools, no pride in uniforms, not enough sport etc.

The parenting: Giving children too many options, making them "spoiled", etc

The food: all imported, tasteless fruit etc.

The weather: Rubbish

The young women: Slags, the blokes drink too much, are not as beautiful, handsome and fun and sporty like people from their country.

But, they seem quite happy to live here and earn pounds, use the NHS, (which they complain about too). They quite happily travel around Europe, go skiing, and generally make the most of being in Europe. Although their "real" holidays are when they go "home" every year.

AIBU to have felt so cross when they were slagging off our country right in front of me, as if I should feel this way too? Even if I did feel this way, it's like someone shouting at your child, it's ok if I do it, but don't want a stranger to do it.

Still fuming....

YANBU. It is rude. They pay their taxes etc so they have every right to discuss the NHS, schools, yuff etc... but when it turns into a whingefest it's no longer an intelligent discussion and is just a self indulgent rant. To do that in front of you is rude.

I am from another country and see all my friends doing this too. You can tell the difference between a proper discussion of politics, state of affairs etc and just an all out whingefest. One is acceptable, the other is not.

And when you've all collected to go oooh and aah over a new baby, I would expect neither!!!

What they did makes them rude, shit friends- not poor citizens.

You don't have to be grateful in order to be a British citizen.

I know what tsc means.

Very good point, SweetGrapes, about the time-and-place of meeting a new baby. Sad that they found that a good time to start up their complaints! It's not exactly a "welcome to the UK" for the babe, is it?!

Although it might confirm what I wondered about how often these friends see their compatriots? You hadn't seen your friends act/speak like this before, so maybe it is only something which comes out with these other people, and these other people had just come to see the baby but hadn't had a good catch-up moan for ages....

Your friends could still be "redeemable". If they hadn't annoyed you before this, hopefully, they are!

Well said, tethersend...my sentiment exactly...you just said it much better! :-)

I don't think this is racist for the reasons other people said. It's nothing to do with being grateful to be in Britain, or proud to be British, it's to do with rudeness. When I went on my first date with my now DH he had just arrived in Leeds from Manchester and spent much of the evening slagging off Leeds in favour of Manchester, to the point I thought 'bugger off back there then', and didn't ask him to stay the night . And I'm not from Leeds originally, but had made the city my home and loved it. Jeez, he was lucky to get a second date after doing down my favourite city!

My Dad does this and it drives me nuts. He absolutely refuses to see any good in the uk at all. EVERYTHING is negative, all the time.
I know the UK is not perfect, and yes the obnoxious yobby teenagers loitering outside the corner shop annoy me (although I doubt this problem is exclusive to the uk), but there are a lot of good things here too. ANd it's a darn sight safer than my home country. THe unemployment levels are much lower, and the economy is in better shape (even in a recession)
I DO comment sometimes though - but I do think it has to be debate rather than whinge as others have said.

Fair enough to say its rude - but the whole "If they don't like it here they should go back to where they came from, they're only here for the benefits" thing could have come straight from the lips of Mr Griffin

Fair enough to say its rude - but the whole "If they don't like it here they should go back to where they came from, they're only here for the benefits" thing could have come straight from the lips of Mr Griffin

Is that any different than a Brit working in Dubai only being there because of the huge amount of money that you can earn in comparison to doing the same job in UK? They are only there for the money.

Actually, reading the OP again, Mummalish states that her friends work. She does not say that they are on benefits.

I think she meant 'benefits' as in the benefits of living in the UK, not unemployment benefits etc.

Fair point lal123, but it's not really the same context here is it. This is more 'they were being rude and my instinctive reaction to their rudeness is go back home then' (like my reaction to DH slagging off Leeds). NG's context is that all foreigners should 'go back where they came from'. But I do understand what you are saying.

MmeLindt well I can see your point - but I suspect that NG would have no objection to the kind of 'whingers' most of us are going on about here. Certainly the ones I mentioned were white (no doubt 'anglo-saxon stock' to use a vile NG term) and had every choice about where they lived in the world.

And if its 'racist' for me to complain about them complaining (as it were), presumably it's also 'racist' for the French and Belgians to tell me to go home if I constantly moaned about their countries (when I lived there) in their presence? Or is it only we Brits who can be racist? I think it's more a question of plain good manners.

Actually I agree with a mild version of "bugger off" and I don't think it's racist either.

If I was blithering on to a native, about how shit the country was that I was living in at the time, and how shit the people were, they would probably ask: "Why don't you leave then?"

If you've got half a brain you ask yourself the question before you start calling down, and you list out the pros -- and you shut yourself up.

MrsTittleMouse has it exactly, being in a new country is disconcerting and there is a certain amount of whinging that goes on. But after a while I think you either decide to settle, or realise you're never going to make it living outside your native country. 3 months is quite short though, I'd say a year is more realistic.

There comes a point where you are no longer drawn to other expats, particularly not ones that are newly arrived, because it is frankly just BORING to whinge all the time. I feel bad, there are more recent arrivals trying to be my friend on facebook and I am not sure I want to get involved because really, how many times can you hear people bitch about what is now your home without wanting to say 'well just feck off if you feel that way!'

Sounds a bit hippyish I'm sure, but if all you've got in common with people is negativity, it's not really a good basis for friendship is it?

Oh, I think it takes a year to feel properly settled, yes. But we found that if someone couldn't find anything nice to say after three months then they usually would never really like the place. After all, the first couples of months is when you do all the massive rush of new job, find bank account, get new home set up with utilities, work out the health system and so on. After that you usually have time to take stock of your situation and at least find out that the weather is nicer than the UK, or that there is some really nice food, or something.

Mind you, I never gave up missing fish and chip shops, and I paid out a fortune for Cadburys chocolate.