Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell these people to bugger off....

89 replies

mummalish · 14/03/2010 17:08

My dh has some friends who come from another country. They are a couple, I have to admit that I don't know them very well, they were his friends pre-me and baby. He sees them every now and then. They are pleasant enough, quite friendly actually.

Anyhow, they have just had a new baby and we were invited around, was very pleased to be invited and looked forward to going.

They had some other friends there, who were also from the same country. (DH and I are from England). The lot of them could not stop slagging England off, and I felt quite cross about it, as this is where I was born, this is where I live, this is where my children will live and grow up. I quite like England, it's not perfect, but bloody hell, it's home.

These people mingle mainly with people from their own country, they try to recreate their own country here (fair enough). But they seem to hate it here, the following things seem to be a common source of complaint:

The British in general, their bad attitudes, lack of work ethic, lack of sense of humour, etc

The children, fat, lazy, rude.

The schools, no pride in uniforms, not enough sport etc.

The parenting: Giving children too many options, making them "spoiled", etc

The food: all imported, tasteless fruit etc.

The weather: Rubbish

The young women: Slags, the blokes drink too much, are not as beautiful, handsome and fun and sporty like people from their country.

But, they seem quite happy to live here and earn pounds, use the NHS, (which they complain about too). They quite happily travel around Europe, go skiing, and generally make the most of being in Europe. Although their "real" holidays are when they go "home" every year.

AIBU to have felt so cross when they were slagging off our country right in front of me, as if I should feel this way too? Even if I did feel this way, it's like someone shouting at your child, it's ok if I do it, but don't want a stranger to do it.

Still fuming....

OP posts:
pronobonino · 15/03/2010 08:29

Really rude. Astonishingly rude actually.

abride · 15/03/2010 08:33

Yes, whinging Poms should perhaps be changed to whinging Ozzies.

At least we have decent TV. And taxis in London driven by people who actually turn up and know their way round the city (unlike those in Sydney).

Nah-nah-nah-nah.

OrmRenewed · 15/03/2010 08:33

Rude and insensitive. There's a difference between constructive critism and slagging off.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 08:35

Very true, Orm!

ninedragons · 15/03/2010 08:41

Unbelievably rude.

When we lived in China and it was driving me batshit crazy, I would never have dreamed of saying to a Chinese person that it was anything other than the most fascinating, vibrant, friendly country (which it is, actually). Then I'd come home and rant to my DH about people phlobbing in the street and the taxi driver passing me a fake RMB50 note in my change.

WingedVictory · 15/03/2010 08:46

It sounds as though you should avoid seeing these "friends" when their compatriots are around, mummalish. You can say why openly, and I'm not sure why you didn't take the chance to say something when your friend rang you up about the travel cot.

A polite-but-firm way to open the subject is to ask whether the other friends will be there, next time you are due to meet. If yes, then refuse, saying, "Oh, sorry, but last time you all got together, it degenerated into a rant against the UK. We found it boring and, actually, rather rude. Fair enough that you think these things, but if you could save it for when we're not there, we'd be grateful."

Is that diplomatic but straight enough? It doesn't sound as though your DH's friends themselves are the problem, but them in combination with their compatriots. Still, it is an insensitive way to behave. I've lived in all sorts of other countries - been an expat for over half my life - and this seems just common sense and common courtesy to me and everyone I know. Although other posters are also quite right to point out that it's fun to relax in the company of compatriots and take off the politeness that's been killing you, and complain a bit!

sneezecake · 15/03/2010 08:52

maybe fair enough, when you have lived in britain, for a long time pay taxes, etc slag it off. but i think to slag off the british people is a bit much, I'm not a slag, single mother or repulsivly ugly, nor is my dh.
if they are going to stereotype british people, maybe you could do the same, I dont think you have mentioned where they are from, but every country's people has stereotypes, just google

thesecondcoming · 15/03/2010 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sneezecake · 15/03/2010 08:56

think i used the slag word too much

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 08:57

Ninedragons...where in China did you live?? We were there just over two years and I loved it too...leaving there was harder than leaving my home country!

I agree with Winged Victory...I think you can be diplomatic about saying something...and you should if it made you uncomfortable.

pronobonino · 15/03/2010 08:58

what, racism by the "friends" tsc?

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 08:58

What feels racist about it secondcoming? I'm not sure where you're coming from there...

MissM · 15/03/2010 09:01

NBU. There's nothing wrong with slagging off the country you live in, but don't do it in front of the only person in the room originally from that country.

I love(most)Americans. Two of my best friends are American (honestly). Sarah Palin and George Bush are a bit dodgy tho.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 09:04

MissM...I heard that...pinheads like those two give Americans a bad name!!!

MmeLindt · 15/03/2010 09:10

It is not racist to be offended at this.

I am often offended by my British/American acquaintances slagging off Switzerland and the Swiss (boring, takes ages to get anything done, cannot get decent cheese...) in front of Swiss/French friends.

We live in this country, if you don't like it then either go home or wait until you are alone with others who feel the same before you start moaning about it.

DH and I have noticed that people often remark on things that are done differently in their country. Sometimes it is not a criticism but merely a statement of fact. It is important to make the distinction.

thesecondcoming · 15/03/2010 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maxybrown · 15/03/2010 09:15

I think that in most countries it would be rather ungratious and rude to slag off the country you are living in when in company of it's natives.

I would not dream of going on and on about how terrible a place was ESPECIALLY if I was not from there and in company of those who were.

I have no doubt that lots of British probably think the same as some of the things that the offender said - the same thing goes for all of us, wherever you are, if things are that bad, then leave. Wether you are from here or not. No point going on and on and on about it. If you hate it that much, then do something best for yourself about it.

I think the point is that they did it amongst the common people of the land, and that, is a no no. I am sure if we were in certain countries, we would be struck down for such an offense. Where our rights would certainly be more limited and we would have to, as another Mnetter so brilliantly put it "fitinorf**off"

OrmRenewed · 15/03/2010 09:19

But no-one is talking about being proud to be British are they? It's the simple courtesy that you aren't openly rude and unpleasant about the country that you chose to come to. We all have some sense of belonging - to a country, a region, a town or maybe just your own home. It hits at your sense of self to have that critisised in such an unconstructive, gratuitous way.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 09:21

I see what you're saying, secondcoming, but I don't think any of us intends that. I also don't think it's that we should be grateful for what we get from England, but rather that we SHOULDN'T be bitching to people about their home...particularly things that aren't under anyone's control (the weather may be rubbish, but that isn't England's fault!). It doesn't feel nice to hear that "people in your country are stupid, the healthcare/food/whatever is atrocious, etc..." it just isn't nice!

And for the record...you should be proud to be british! It's a great country, with an amazing history and some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. There is no harm in being proud of the country you were born in.

thesecondcoming · 15/03/2010 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pronobonino · 15/03/2010 09:23

Hey, if I lived in Africa, and I was with African friends, and I started calling down African people, I wouldn't think it racist if they objected.

You simply don't call down like that, it's rude.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 09:24
Grin
doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 09:25

I agree, pronobonino...

pronobonino · 15/03/2010 09:27

Tbh I think I wouldn't be surprised if they called me a racist myself. I mean, who would blame them.

MmeLindt · 15/03/2010 09:29

Absolutely.

The other expats who have posted have said that they hate it when their host country is slagged off in front of natives. It is just rude.