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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset that my husband is going on a stag weekend on my first ever Mothers Day?

98 replies

roslily · 12/03/2010 14:34

and to say to me that it doesn't really matter until ds i sold enough to buy me something (he is 6mo)

I was annoyed and now I am just upset.

OP posts:
ArcticRoll · 12/03/2010 14:35

yabu

PrivetDancer · 12/03/2010 14:36

yabu

nickytwotimes · 12/03/2010 14:37

Sorry, yabu.

It is different when your wee one is old enough to make you a card and a hideous lovely gift at nursery/school, but till then it is nothing really.

As for buying something, no way! It's handmade or bust round here. TIll paper round age anyway.

porcamiseria · 12/03/2010 14:39

yabu, many more to come

mayorquimby · 12/03/2010 14:39

yabu

swanandduck · 12/03/2010 14:40

YABU. In years to come are you going to refuse to let ds go on holidays/sleepovers if they clash with Mother's Day?

emkana · 12/03/2010 14:42

I don't think you're unreasonable, I'd be upset as well.

Lemonmeringue · 12/03/2010 14:42

Yes, he hasn't grasped that until the child is old enough to be nice to you on Mother's Day, the father is supposed to buy the chocs.

Presumably he didn't pick the date of the stag weekend though. Could you not ask for a postponement of Mother's Day until the following weekend? Then he and the baby can show you a good time together.

mariamerryweather · 12/03/2010 14:43

oooh my DH is also on a stag do this weekend - and Mothers' Day is also my birthday - DD is 3, so I guess I have to say yabu too.

Sorry you're upset though - maybe arrange a break for you to co-incide with Fathers' Day?

whimsy · 12/03/2010 14:43

I think I'd be a bit miffed aswell, yanbu.

PrettyCandles · 12/03/2010 14:43

YABU. Sorry.

Mothers' Day is a day for the children to celebrate their mothers, not for women to be made a fuss of just because they are mothers.

(Mind you, that wouldn't be a bad idea )

StarExpat · 12/03/2010 14:49

YANBU
It's not about the baby buying or even making you something, it's about it being your first ever mother's day (like you said in the title). If it means a lot to you to be a mother and you want to celebrate this special day that is set aside to do just that, then he should be home and you should have a nice day together at least with dh acknowledging you and appreciating what you do as a mother.

swanandduck · 12/03/2010 14:51

While wishing all the time that he was at the stag weekend having fun? Sounds very contrived.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 12/03/2010 14:52

I think it's just odd to make so much of a day just because other people have designated it 'a day'. If you feel appreciated and happy most of the time, it doesn't matter what happens on mothers day. If you don't, well that's a whole other issue that needs dealing with, and which won't be helped by a token effort on one day of the year.

nickytwotimes · 12/03/2010 14:53

Come on, your dh can show his appreciation for you anytime, not on some arbitary date. Mothers' Day has become ridiculous - dinners out and presents. It's just a way of getting people to spend money needlessly. Like Valentine's Day.

Original poster
roslily · 12/03/2010 14:54

True, I take your points. And no I don't feel appreciated by him. I suppose I just feel like it is another way of him telling me I am a crap mother.

I suppose it would be nice for him to occasionally say I am doing an alright job, not complain that I haven't washed up teh breakfast things, when I am working full time.

OP posts:
cat64 · 12/03/2010 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BrahmsThirdRacket · 12/03/2010 14:54

yabu, it's just an arbitrary date

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/03/2010 14:55

Not sure if I think yabu or not!

It wouldn't really bother me.

Could you plan a nice day with your baby and ask dh for mothers day next weekend?

StarExpat · 12/03/2010 14:56

It can be like that. But it doesn't have to be meals out and presents. It can just be a special day you set aside to appreciate someone. Like on your birthday, too... it's not to say that you shouldn't appreciate people every other day of the year, too... we just do get busy with things in life and it's nice to set aside a special day to celebrate and appreciate. That's all

lemonadesparkle · 12/03/2010 14:56

Sorry you are upset but YABU. As PrettyCandles said its a day for children to celebrate their mothers. Your dh isn't your child and I imagine he didn't organise the stag weekend and the clash. You will still get to spend your first Mother's Day with your baby.

I won't see 2 of my 3 dc on Mother's Day and my dh is flying out to Africa for a week on Sunday lunchtime but hey thats life.

Original poster
roslily · 12/03/2010 14:57

I didn't want to go out or anything. Just wanted to spend teh day together as a family. Oh I dunno, it didn't bother me til today, think it has coincided with my first week back to work full time, so I feel crap

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 12/03/2010 14:57

BTW I don't agree with the presents and commercialism associated with mothers day.

MrsTittleMouse · 12/03/2010 14:58

I had a rotten pregnancy and a rough labour and I really felt like I needed spoiling after I had DD1. Except that, of course, I had a newborn to look after, and everyone was so concerned with how wonderful she was (quite right too!) that no-one paid me much attention. They even ate my just-had-a-baby boxes of chocolates!

So it was lovely to have a day a while later, when DH spoiled me a bit, and acknowledged just what I had gone through in order for us to have a baby.

It's not his fault - after all the timing wasn't down to him - but he is being a bit dim to not understand the psychology behind you being upset. You have explained what a huge change it's been for you - from not-mother to mother, right? And how it would be nice to mark that?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/03/2010 14:59

YANBU, My guess would be that this matters to you because you are perhaps in need of some pampering, as Cirrhosis said. As I recall, it's hard being a new mother .