AIBU to be upset that my husband is going on a stag weekend on my first ever Mothers Day?

[roslily]

and to say to me that it doesn't really matter until ds i sold enough to buy me something (he is 6mo)

I was annoyed and now I am just upset.

I'll say again, I have no intention of asking him not to go.

Ds was a (lovely) accident. We hadn't been married very long, he wasn't sure if he wanted kids and then I got pregnant (not on purpose!) It was a difficult pregnancy cos he kept saying he didn't want baby, and made me feel like I was trapping him by keeping it. I however all along said he could leave and I would do it alone.

He goes through phases, he was good in beginning, and then he decided he was bored of the crying and sleepless nights and that it is "my job" cos "you wanted him" (he actually says that to me)

So yes you are right it is more about mothers day. I would love to spend it with my mum, but she lives 200 miles away and I have no car (he is taking it as he refuses to take trains)

Roslily - I don't think Mother's day is the issue here. Saying that you must take full responsibility for the child you and he BOTH created because 'you wanted him' is bang out of order. The way he is treating you is unacceptable and you need to tell him so.

rosilly I hope you have a lovely day - try treat yourself if he won't and celebrate being a mum for 6 months...

"Whereas you'll have umpteen more Mother's Days"

I disagree Le queen - I'm very much of the school of thought you can be hit by a bus tomorrow. It's roslilys first mothers day too.

"MrQ oftens tells me what a good mum I am"

clearly roslilys partner has not really done that of late and missing a BIGGIE of an opportunity to do so.

anyway it's called mothering sunday - it's roots are not commercial I'm lead to believe more religious.

I was going to say YBU but I don't think you are. YABU about Mother's day. I must be alone in that I really don't care about it. I've sent a card and little present to my mum. The kids have made me cards at school and that's enough. I don't expect DH to sort anything more special. He's a very hands on dad though.

What do you mean he won't get trains? So you are left all weekend without him and a car. Insane. Can't he get get a lift with a mate? He sounds very selfish. I would say you need the car all weekend and go and stay with your mum.

Isoldeone, yes I was on the professional forum, but I don't go there much now

Can totally see why you're annoyed but you will just have to make sure he brings you back a nice pressie.

orm is right though my DH thinks it';s about his own Mum - for whom I have booked a restaurant and bought a card.. not about the Mother of his own kids..

And on the stag do theme DH is going on a Stag "weekend" at the end of next month which involves him leaving in the middle of Wednesday night and returning early hours of Tuesday I will be 6mo pg and also have 2 toddlers.

yabu

YANBU to feel upset. You have not asked him to stay at home. I would be upset if my DH were going to be away on my first mothers' day. As I have bought his mum her card and flowers, I am not sure if he will remember it anyway!

Hope he has remembered to send a card to his own mum. This will be the first mothers day without either of our DSs. Big one is at uni in London, smaller one is away on college ski trip. It will be odd. My mum died a few years ago. btw Roslily - this might sound odd - but one of the nicest things to do on Mothering Sunday is to go to church (even if you don't usually). The service is lovely Hope you have a good day whatever you do.

x posts with lequeen

roslily you are the poster I thought you were. my dh is little less hands on than in the beginning but thats because he's busy trying to renovate the house and secretly a little releived not have to so much.
tbh I have never liked the sound of your dh from your posts here and elsewhere( I only know of your pregnancy ones) and I don't mean to patronise you ( honest) but I think his actions speak louder than words and the answers and support you seek on this thread - you knew it already- YANBU -it goes beyond that.

" your job" - you have a job/ career- a bloody hard one - I ve been very lucky not to have to go back yet. I'm dreading it.

and what secondcoming said.

unmumsnetty hugs

My first thought was YABU - but then I read your post about your DH never doing a night feed (sounds like he's not been very supportive generally) and I wonder if this is part of something festering on a deeper level? In which case, YANBU. I'd be hacked off too, if I were you.
I was a bit 'funny' about my first Mother's Day. My DTs were one month old - the hardest, most exhausting month of my life so far - and I told my DH I didn't want to mark it. I remember saying, 'Mother's aren't born - they're made, and I don't think I'm quite there yet.' Looking back, I was clearly feeling a bit ambivalent about motherhood!
Thankfully, that's long since changed (for the better)

Oops! Just realised you've posted since, expanding even more on the situation, and I've x-posted with a load of others saying pretty much the same thing. Sorry...

Well my DH was really unreasonable to turn 30 on MY first Mother's day! And he has to work this wk end (my first with two DC)

YAB U but I also understand why
I would have my own little "Mother's Day" once Dh got back - We are all going out next Saturday as a family for my Mother's Day treat.

I don't care- just got ds from childminder and he has "made" me a picture of his feet and hands for mothers day.

Oh come on roslily, you are being just a wee bit more than a little U....

DS is 4, 5 in december. THIS year is the first time that I'm having a proper Mums Day, he's made me something at nursery, and DH is apparently taking him out to get a card for me tomorrow....

You have plenty of time, if you throw a hissy fit on this one, then it'll take the shine off the rest of them.

Oh Dear sorry - xposted too

I hit reply then had to go & sort DC tea out - should of refreshed the page before replying!

And there should be a sarcism emoticion because my post reads stroppy & it is meant to be jokey!

wtf? are you for real?!

YAB very U.

It's just a day. A manufactured day. Your son doesn't even know it's mother's day. A stag do is good fun. Let him go.

But why shouldn't people be spoiled a bit sometimes?

Don't get this 'oh it's just another day' stuff. It's a day when all mums should be treated extra nicely, imo.

Hate all this 'yabu to want to be spoiled for a day'. Smacks a bit of competitive worthiness to me.

Shodan, nowt wrong with wanting to be spoiled. But really, there's no need for it to be on one unmoveable, specific day.

If OPs DP had anything about him he'd say 'I'm so sorry to miss mothers day, don't worry, I'll spoil you when I get back'.

But unfortunately he won't say this as he doesn't appreciate her regardless of what day it is. Think OP knows that issue is much more then just wanting to be spoiled for a day.

I wish people who say wtf would read the thread before they get so dismissive of other people's feelings...

Just a thought ...