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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want her to have served the cake?!

145 replies

Kariba29 · 12/03/2010 11:37

Please be nice this is my first post!

So recently met another new mum through another site (that was before i joined this one!) Have met a few times in town but was asked to come to her house for coffee yesterday.

On my way i passed by Marks and Spencer and got a small cake that i thought would be nice to have with coffee.

Got to her place and mentioned i had brought cake, she said thanks but you shouldn't have, anyway come coffee time we are sat in the kitchen facing the cake i bought but she didnt offer the cake and i didnt want to say please cut the cake as i dont know her very well,

Am I BU to be dissappointed the cake was not offered, probably wouldnt have felt this way if i wasnt on a diet and fancied a treat!

OP posts:
InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan · 12/03/2010 13:23

You see, I hate Coffee and Walnut cake, it would be my idea of Hell. But I would still have cut you some of it. Strange. Mind, I went to a friend's one Christmas and took wine, M and S mini bites and something else that escapes me, and none of it got opened, so maybe it's more normal than we think?

hollyhobbie · 12/03/2010 13:26

I have had the opposite situation:
I invited 2 friends round for coffee and one of the friends turned up with 6 assorted slices of cream cake. When I offered them out she said she didn't want any, so me, other friend and DS (who was small at the time) just did our best to get through them.
I think if you bring something it's because you expect to eat it too, so your friend should have served you your cake, Kariba and my friend should have eaten some of the cake she'd brought.
People are odd.

Shodan · 12/03/2010 13:28

LOLLING and ROFLING at the idea that carrot cake would be better than coffee and walnut cake.

The very idea.

Next time come to mine. Coffee and walnut is my most very favouritest cake of all and I rarely have it beccause no-one else likes it (freaks) and it means I end up eating it all myself which makes me feel ever-so-slightly sick.

starkadder · 12/03/2010 13:33

Was she American? I have a very good friend who is from the US and once she invited a bunch of us Brits round, and had made cupcakes, but they were just on the table - she didn't offer them - and we were all too polite and self-conscious to be the first to take one without her saying something first. So they just sat there, and afterwards she was a bit upset that no-one had taken one - but it was because she hadn't offered. We were all desperate to eat them (well, I was anyway) but couldn't quite overcome the barrier of well-brought-up-ness. It was quite funny actually

So maybe she expected you to just help yourself? Or did you say she didn't even take it out of the bag? If so, then def a bit weird...

MadamDeathstare · 12/03/2010 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dumbledoresgirl · 12/03/2010 13:54

Mugglewump coffee and walnut cake is a perfectly suitable partner to drinking coffee. You can always pick the nuts out surreptiously if you really can't bear them.

Whereas carrot cake does not deserve to be classed as a luxury, "treat-myself-to-something-naughty-since-I-am-having-coffee-with-a-friend" cake. I have never eaten a piece of carrot cake and not thought "I wish there was a chocolate sponge to hand".

SweetEm · 12/03/2010 14:31

Your friend is weird - round here if you take something over when you are invited for coffee it seems to be taken as read that it is to eat with said coffee. And if the host already has something then all the better - you get both!

And, for the record, coffee and walnut beats carrot cake every time.

sparkle12mar08 · 12/03/2010 14:41

Not unreasonable at all, and those those that like coffee cake - coffee belongs in a cup, not a cake ;) Yeuch!

stleger · 12/03/2010 14:42

I love coffee cake. Or chocolate or carrot. Just not marzipan, but can pick it off...

flaime · 12/03/2010 14:45

Oh I'd have just said 'pass the knife then' but I'm not very subtle .

LoveBeingAMummy · 12/03/2010 14:46

Very strange indeed. In fact this wold probably be enough for me to cull

ANTagony · 12/03/2010 14:51

Did you say you're on a diet? Was she trying to save your feelings?

littledawley · 12/03/2010 14:53

Please tell me that the same doesn't apply to wine at a dinner party. I never serve the wine that guests bring as I think that it is nice to drink the same wine all evening and try to match it to the food. Our wine is always good and certainly plentiful but do you think that people leave thinking 'why didn't she open my wine'?

Blu · 12/03/2010 14:57

Ooh, coffee and walnut - the best kind.
YANBU, she is a loon.

porcamiseria · 12/03/2010 15:05

ha ha ha! NICE biscuits are shit. This is the peril of hanging with new Mummy friends you dont know. If it was an old mate you'd have just said "open the bloody caske then!!!!"

Alicetheinvisible · 12/03/2010 15:05

I have never had cake turn up and not open it! Or wine for that matter.

Most people think i am strange for offering cake or biscuits everytime i make a cup of tea

Original poster
Kariba29 · 12/03/2010 15:55

LOL! Starkadder - no she is not American and i hope she is not a MNetter! she is from the continent dont want to say which country though!

Porcamiseria- i have a 11week old DC, new to the area and have no friends with kids, so am trying to meet new mummy friends, hence the swimming classes, baby massage, post natal exercise no one can say im not trying, but its not EASY, but thats a whole new thread

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 12/03/2010 15:58

Kariba I hear you, been there got the T shirt....the new Mummy friends will eventually become old ones

OurVera · 12/03/2010 15:59

YANBU

Thats really weird - obviously you took the cake for you to share with coffee, how is that not completely obvious?

muggglewump · 12/03/2010 16:00

Really Dumbledoresgirl
You don't see that cream cheese icing and just want to lick it off the whole cake at once, and then eat the actual cakle for afters?

No?
Just me then.

Whereas coffee tastes wrong in anything that is not a cup of coffee, and walnuts are all kinds of wrong.
Coffee and Walnut cake is not a treat, it's torture. You may as well bring me celery, or plain ryvitas.

Though I'd go for chocolate cake every time, I can't really disagree with you there.

groundhogs · 12/03/2010 16:01

"and yes i did buy some more cake on the way home which i scoffed later!!"

Welcome to MN Kariba! You are going to fit in here just fine.....

Rockbird · 12/03/2010 16:03

Sorry but what kind of freak bypasses the Victoria Sandwich on an M&S cake shelf and reaches for the coffee and walnut? That's just bloody weird no wonder she was pissed off with you. She had probably sneaked a look in the bag when pouring the hot water and was choking back internal tears.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself and don't be surprised if you don't get an invite back. Freak.

LetThereBeRock · 12/03/2010 16:04

M&S coffee and walnut cake is delicious and I don't even like walnuts.

There's nothing wrong with carrot cake either. A good one,none of your low fat nonsense, is a very indulgent treat,particuarly when slathered with a half inch layer of cream cheese frosting.

nickelbabe · 12/03/2010 16:05

this was very much an AIBU by stealth.

i got all the way down to "what m and s cake was it?" thinking, "well done, your first AIBU and you're NBU!"

then you ruined it all.

coffee and walnut ???? FGS!

pass me the sick bucket.

i feel ill just thinking about it.

and i was doing so well today, as well.

Dumbledoresgirl · 12/03/2010 16:07

Sorry, it was the mention of cream cheese topping on carrot cake that got me.