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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cry at my GP appointment today...

29 replies

everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 09:48

...when she said they are going to do bloods to test for menopause? I am 36 and have 2 DC. My husband does not want any more children so it seems we're done...it still really upset me though. I have no idea why...it just seems so final, and like I'll be suddenly old iyswim.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 11/03/2010 09:53

It would upset me too. YANBU.

teaandcakeplease · 11/03/2010 09:53

YANBU! Not at all! I would do the same, even though you think you're done kids wise, it's still almost like grieving for something you've lost when you realise you cannot have anymore kids (if that makes sense?) Well to me it would be

Also the thought of the menopause and the negative effects everyone always seems to talk about, are also something that would make me feel sad too, if it was me in your shoes.

I really hope the blood test results come back and you haven't hit your menopause early.

But YANBU

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 09:58

Wipes eyes...thank you! I just burst into tears and couldn't control it . I never expected it to hit me so hard...

Think I'll go and make that cup of tea...

OP posts:
echt · 11/03/2010 09:58

No, YANBU. Whatever your family completeness, any hint of the end of it all is shite. 36 is early doors by anyone's measure, so feel free to sob.

Er....no, you're not old, though your feelings are understandable. Everyone invests age in a different way. I looked younger than my age for yonks then suddenly I saw the neck, jowls, etc. Nothing TOO gross, but every alteration was an infringement on my idea of myself.

Sorry, I turned this into all about me, Nothing new, eh?

Look after yourself, everyonesatit.

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 10:14

My (older lady) GP was really shocked that I cried. She asked me what I was afraid of, as it could be a good thing. I just mumbled something about this meaning the decision on family being complete was taken out of my hands. Tbh though...I'm struggling to see how it could be a good thing in any situation.

echt...neck not looking too hot here either!

OP posts:
biddyofsuburbia · 11/03/2010 10:14

YANBU - we are the same age and I would be upset too for the reasons you say. You've got every right to cry if you feel like it - I have cried at the GP too many times myself! You are still YOU though, whatever is going on with your body - and you are not old, 36 is still young! I'm going to have a cup of tea too in virtual solidarity and will keep my fingers crossed that the results of tests are actually OK.

biddyofsuburbia · 11/03/2010 10:23

too many too's in that weren't there? must be the brain cells diminishing at 36

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 10:24

Thanks Biddy . Am also having a Milky Bar for a moment of childish indulgence

OP posts:
HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 11/03/2010 12:33

YADNBU! Am 44 (on sun) and wd cry my eyes out if gp had said that to me. She's not vey sensitive, is she? I dread menopause and the idea that my childbearing days are over (tho I know they are). I think it's a really sad and emotional experience for lots of women.

And you're only 36, seems damned unfair to me. wish you lots of good thoughts.

bellissima · 11/03/2010 12:49

YANBU. You have every right to be upset and I'm surprised the GP didn't realise that. I'm even older than HOMEMADE and part of me hates the whole periods/still having to take contraceptives thing and yet I know that part of me will 'grieve' a bit when it changes. Be good to yourself.

OrmRenewed · 11/03/2010 12:53

I am going through it now. Have been for a few years I think although when I had tests a few years ago I was told not - the GP did admit that hormones fluctuate so much that blood tests aren't always accurate. But periods are few and far between, have hot flushes, seem to put on weight quicker etc etc. It doesn't upset me apart, from the physical symptoms at times, but I can see if it came out of the blue at an early age, it would be. Try to see it as the start of something new, not the end of it

wotdoido · 11/03/2010 13:42

No you are NBU. I am in my eary forties and I have been told I could be entering peri- menopause.

I didn't cry but I am sad about it.

What symptons have you had for the doctor to test?

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 17:37

Thanks everyone...you're all very supportive, which is lovely. My symptoms are much lighter periods which stop and start, a problem with (sorry tmi) 'lubrication', brittle hair, general grumpiness and just feeling hormonal and tired.

I'm still hoping she's got it wrong...

OP posts:
diddl · 11/03/2010 17:43

OP-night sweats?

That was my first sign.

Also if I missed a period I then had quite a heavy one.

Haven´t had lighter periods though, I´ve either had one or not.

I´m mid 40s & tbh feel young to be going through this so I´m not surprised you were upset.

Still,best to find out the cause.

I haven´t had a period for about 6months now & it´s bliss!

GoldenTomato · 11/03/2010 18:06

Just a thought. I am 45 and went to Dr with similar symptoms. He tested me for underactive thyroid which has very similar symptoms to menopause. Turned out to be negative but when I asked for menopause test was told I was too young for it to be that!!!

However without the test I think it probably is

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 20:21

They are also testing for thyroid problems GoldenTomato. I think I'd rather it was that!

No night sweats diddl.

Couple of weeks until the results are back. I just posted as I was curious as to whether my reaction was unreasonable. I can't speak to RL friends as they have more serious problems at the moment! My DH is quite comfortable with us having our 2 DC and doesn't really now a lot about menopause and I'm not keen to explain it tbh.

OP posts:
weegiemum · 11/03/2010 20:28

everyonesatit - not at all U

I got a definite diagnosis of prem menopause about a month ago - I'm 39, and my menopause seems to be fairly over! Night sweats have stopped - have very brittle hair, dry skin and now no periods for 7 months. My hormone levels are average for a 50 yo.

On the positive side, my monthly migraines have stopped and there have been no more Texas Chainsaw Massacre moments in the bathroom - which was awful, my periods actually got a lot heavier in the run up to them stopping, but very irregular.

I understand your feelings though. I was never having any more kids - dh has had a vasectomy, I was medically advised at age 33 to have no more kids due to a kidney condition, and we are happy with our older 3 who are now 6, 8, 10. But .... when I realised it wasn't just a choice, but an inevitability that I would have no more babies, I did cry a bit! Well, a lot.

I had the thyroid test and it wasn't that.

Northernlurker · 11/03/2010 20:28

I would be upset too. Often though in life things happen that turn out to be good in the end but the initial effect they have is traumatic and upsetting.

OrmRenewed · 11/03/2010 20:41

It's very odd. Maybe it helps that I am 199% past the broody stage but it doesn;t bother me at all. Apart from the health effects. It should do I guess, but it doesn't.

Maybe it takes time to get used to the idea.

Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 20:42

It's strange isn't it weegiemum...I know we won't have any more children, but I still feel kind of robbed of something. I met a friend today who has a new baby and felt an overwhelming broodiness, which I've never really had before.

Sorry to hear you had this so early, but glad you've at least been able to see some positives.

I'm now having some wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
everyonesatit · 11/03/2010 20:44

oops - crossed posts Orm. Yes, it was a shock tbh and I'm not properly diagnosed yet. If it is true though, I'm sure it'll be fine once I've had some time to let it sink in.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 11/03/2010 20:58

Hang on in there!

I feel as if horizons have opened up. I love my children so much. I have loved being their mum. But I feel as if all of a sudden there is something else - not the fag end of being a mum - but something new. I could do anything. Maybe it sounds crazy.

uglymugly · 11/03/2010 21:32

The menopause is a strange thing in itself, but if there's a possibility that it's happening before you're expecting it I can well imagine that the possibility can be challenging to get your mind around.

When I was at about the same age as you are now, also with two DCs, I had my tubes tied. That was my decision, but I know I would have felt differently if that hadn't been a conscious decision made by me.

Please don't be put off by the scare stories about the menopause. Some women can suffer symptoms for a long time. Others, like me, didn't (about a year from peri-menopausal to normal). As Orm has indicated, it's the next stage in your life, whenever it happens. It's not just that I no longer have to cope with periods, it's more that I had a sense of being the person I am by not being tied to that monthly reminder that I'm female, if you see what I mean. It can be liberating.

What I'd suggest is find out what you need to know about diet, exercise, and supplements, especially calcium. When I was peri-menopausal I asked my GP for advice but all I got were leaflets from HRT companies.

wangle99 · 06/06/2011 19:37

everyonesatit me to, my GP wants to test hormones as she feels I may also be going through the menopause. I am 36 next month. I'm having horrendous night sweats.

It didn't bother me at the time but now am sitting at home thinking 'god i'm OLD' Sad

FabbyChic · 06/06/2011 19:44

Im 46 and my periods stopped in January. I get the night sweats but other than that am fine.

Even i went through a mad moment and I was sterilised 15 years ago.

Its the end of an era, it's bound to knock you for six realising you just wont be able to have children ever again even if you wanted to.

With the steralisation there was always a chance of a reversal if the need arose.

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