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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scary Behaviour in Reception Class

99 replies

HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 21:46

My daughter is at a good London primary school, in Reception. What I am stressed about is the way her new school friends are acting when at our house on play dates.

MD is very young in the class and started shortly after her 4th birthday, nervous about going from a nice, small private nursery to a "big school" with 200 odd pupils was quite daunting for her and I have tried hard to get her to settle in by inviting her friends to play at our house (as you do!) Se often says she hates going, and is scared in the playground as they are all in together from Reception to Year 6 and it can be a bit rough.

So far she has had a male 5 year old flash her at our dinner table, is this normal?! I know kids play "you show me yours, Ill show you mine.." but isn't 4 a little young? I was gobsmacked when he kept flashing his penis at her and asking her if she wanted to kiss him on the mouth! At one stage he lay on the floor and pulled his pants down and asked her to sit on him!!!

Another school friend, a fairly mature 5 year old, dances in a sexy way to Beyonce's "Put a ring on it" , knows all the dance moves, and was shaking her hips and admiring her midriff in the mirror. She tries to kiss boys on school excursions and seems to act much older and sexually aware in a way I find scary.

When this girl was here to play recently (her mum was sitting there and had come to collect her) and my daughter did not want to show her belly button to her mother, the "friend" started to repeatedly punch my daughter in the stomach and back as she lay cowering on the sofa. Her Mother made no real attempt to stop her and i was mortified. Not wanting to overreact, and discipline someone else's kid, but also freaking out my daughter was getting pumelled.

Most of the trouble seems to be with girls who are mean and friendly one minute mean and violent the next.

Please, has anyone advice on normal behaviour at this age? All her friends in Nursery were so sweet and innocent and now it seems Primary school is full of violent children that have not been taught how to treat people with respect, that are really sexually aware at a really young age. Is it like this at private school too?
Or is this just how it is in London state schools?

Any advice on how to deal with this and how to teach my daughter how to deal with people hurting her, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

Tiredmumno1 · 10/03/2010 21:52

I think its bloody awful behaviour, i would be mortified if my son did that. God these kids are so fucked up i am angry for you

kormachameleon · 10/03/2010 21:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 21:53

My son spent a term and a half at a local city state school (I'm in the east midlands), in his very first week he was playing with a small group of children who wrapped flowers up in leaves and sold them to other children as 'cannabis' He now knows the slang word for sex, knows what mastubation is, knows countless swear words etc. It's a general problem I think, I didn't want my son exposed to this so I moved him, he's in a private school and he's never told me of any problems like this since. I don't know if this is the same for rural state schools though so hopefully someone else will come along.

thehillsarealive · 10/03/2010 21:54

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

are you for real??????

It is WORSE at private school! they have gold plated knuckle dusters, and horses on which to joust.

SusieCarmichael · 10/03/2010 21:55

wrt the hurting you could enroll her in karate, anything else i guess you just have to speak to her about these things and what is and isn't acceptable

i don't think its right how these kids are behaving but i do think for a lot of children that this is 'the norm' sadly

junglist1 · 10/03/2010 21:57

It's the norm. My boys fight back now always, although my oldest was very mild mannered when he started school. I won't discourage them from hitting back either. I feel sorry for children who aren't this way inclined.

JollyPirate · 10/03/2010 21:58

Actually I would be very very concerned about a 4/5 year old boy who "lay on the floor and pulled his pants down and asked her to sit on him". Where on earth has he witnessed that as it's quite sexualised behaviour. Personally I would be having a word with the school about him.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 21:59

I think it depends on the school hills, ds is at a church run school, they don't swear/get their bits out, he went to a play date on friday and I was pissed to hear that he was allowed to play a 16 game (he's nearly 11) which he is now pining for. He's been at a school where the boys swore like there was no tomorrow and were so arrogant.....

junglist1 · 10/03/2010 21:59

Mmm not the sex thing though. My youngest knows all the swear words from school now but wouldn't know about riding or anything

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:00

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suwoo · 10/03/2010 22:01

God, is there something wrong with me as they are all things (apart from the punching) that I would consider 'normal'.

I am in Manchester though, not London.

lupo · 10/03/2010 22:01

our local primary state school is a bit like this i have heard, ds lovely prep school seems a world away tbh, I am sure they are not angels but never heard or seen any flashing, swearring etc, and ds doesnt seem to have picked up any swear words...

Any behaviour like that would get stamped out asap
your poor dd ...she must find it hard

seeker · 10/03/2010 22:02

Any fule kno that all children at State school are potential delinquents and all children at private schools are innocent bunny rabbits. That's just how life is.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:04

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BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 22:06

It's repressive to stop a child thumping another in the stomach???

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:08

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Original poster

HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:09

Thanks for your replies...errr what do i do about my daughters "best friend" who was punching her really hard over and over last night?! with her mother sitting a few feet away.. ? invite her back? there's not many kids she has bonded with, this girl seemed nice..can i put this down to too much of a sugar rush from the ice cream?!?! or should i discourage the friendship? this is a "nice church school" by the way ha ha

OP posts:

zazen · 10/03/2010 22:09

Wow, that's very disturbing behaviour.

I would set some strict house rules in my own house. Who's in charge if you're not?

But most of all, I would just not have playdates at mine if i didn't like them, and wouldn't let DD go on any either - not in Reception - I mean if your DD is having a rough time at school, why not let her at least have some time off at home, where she's loved and secure.

My dd started reception this year and we haven't had any playdates - just meeting up in local parks where the other mummies are - and I have NO hesitation to stop any violent innapropriate behaviour with any child - including my own obv. but I haven't seen much of it... I think they are all on best behaviour when all mummies are present!

Original poster

HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:10

swearing is not a problem, mad violence and nudity a given sadly

OP posts:

lupo · 10/03/2010 22:11

pixie, its not repressive, its about teaching children good manners, stopping them beating each other up and teaching them to respect each other.. Any school, state or private should stamp out violent rude or aggressive behaviour in my opinion.

bernadetteoflourdes · 10/03/2010 22:11

Jolly Pirate I think that boy had been watching the new eduacational video reviled by the Mail last week (and defended by a few childless younger generationey type posters on a thread in AIBU) showing 7 year olds "cartoon" adults having intercourse. Woman was straddling him and the man was exposing his penis so I guess he was towing the Govt line ref sex education and copying what he had seen if he asked op's daughter to tickle him with the feather I wouldrest my case. {angry}

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:11

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PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:13

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BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 22:13

Private schools don't produce little angels, they just behave better when adults are around and save the poor behaviour for when they are not

Exploring bodies is normal, asking a child to sit on them isn't. I'd have a chat to the class teacher about this.

I'd either ditch the best friend and encourage your daughter to find a new friend who is more like her or take her to karate classes so she can defend herself. If her mum just sits and allows her to behave this way then it isn't going to stop until she learns some boundaries, which probably isn't going to happen until her mum's penny drops and she does something about her child's behaviour.

Schools are hit and miss hey!

Original poster

HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:13

zazen, thanks that is good advice, i will stop playdates for awhile...i thought it was helping her to make friends when she seemed lonely at her new school.. but its freaking me out to see how some of them behave.
too cold to meet up in a park right now!
cheers

OP posts:

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