Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scary Behaviour in Reception Class

99 replies

HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 21:46

My daughter is at a good London primary school, in Reception. What I am stressed about is the way her new school friends are acting when at our house on play dates.

MD is very young in the class and started shortly after her 4th birthday, nervous about going from a nice, small private nursery to a "big school" with 200 odd pupils was quite daunting for her and I have tried hard to get her to settle in by inviting her friends to play at our house (as you do!) Se often says she hates going, and is scared in the playground as they are all in together from Reception to Year 6 and it can be a bit rough.

So far she has had a male 5 year old flash her at our dinner table, is this normal?! I know kids play "you show me yours, Ill show you mine.." but isn't 4 a little young? I was gobsmacked when he kept flashing his penis at her and asking her if she wanted to kiss him on the mouth! At one stage he lay on the floor and pulled his pants down and asked her to sit on him!!!

Another school friend, a fairly mature 5 year old, dances in a sexy way to Beyonce's "Put a ring on it" , knows all the dance moves, and was shaking her hips and admiring her midriff in the mirror. She tries to kiss boys on school excursions and seems to act much older and sexually aware in a way I find scary.

When this girl was here to play recently (her mum was sitting there and had come to collect her) and my daughter did not want to show her belly button to her mother, the "friend" started to repeatedly punch my daughter in the stomach and back as she lay cowering on the sofa. Her Mother made no real attempt to stop her and i was mortified. Not wanting to overreact, and discipline someone else's kid, but also freaking out my daughter was getting pumelled.

Most of the trouble seems to be with girls who are mean and friendly one minute mean and violent the next.

Please, has anyone advice on normal behaviour at this age? All her friends in Nursery were so sweet and innocent and now it seems Primary school is full of violent children that have not been taught how to treat people with respect, that are really sexually aware at a really young age. Is it like this at private school too?
Or is this just how it is in London state schools?

Any advice on how to deal with this and how to teach my daughter how to deal with people hurting her, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Morloth · 10/03/2010 22:14

I haven't encountered anything like the behaviour you describe at all.

DS is at private school, but I would think that the reason that we haven't encountered it is probably more of a numbers game than any sort of "quality".

bernadetteoflourdes · 10/03/2010 22:14

Aww smileys again they make me soo

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 22:16

What, these smileys bernadette??

JollyPirate · 10/03/2010 22:16

I seriously doubt that he would have seen that video in Reception Bernadette - I stick by my previous post - his behaviour is very concerning and I would be talking to the school to see if there has been any problem there. Sexualized behaviour doesn't just happen in children of this age - they have to have witnessed or experienced it - hence why I would be so concerned.

Have not seen the video Bernadette - will cross that bridge when I get there - certainly it has not been shown to my DS who is 7.

Morloth · 10/03/2010 22:18

Did he use a feather?

Original poster
HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:19

Jolly pirate, his mother didnt seem worried when i told her he had been flashing his penis quite often in the play date! His mother is really nice! We are kind of friends...you reckon i should dob her son into the school?!?! gee i dont know, is there no way its innocent?!

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 22:21

It doesn't sound innocent to me to be honest. There was a little flasher in ds's reception class, he just showed his behind. It's concerning that this little boy asked her to sit on it, you should mention it to his teacher, the school may already be keeping an eye on him or can do in the future.

sunshiney · 10/03/2010 22:23

My advice is next time some kid 'pummels' your daughter then DO something. Don't stand back not wanting to overreact and waiting for the other mother to step in! Did you stand there watching your child get bullied???

A handy side effect will be your dd will learn how to stand up for herself too if she does not already do that.

Original poster
HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:23

oh, I mean i can not have her school mates over for playdates, it just means all this stuff will still be happening in the playground, I just wont be seeing it anymore!!! nightmare... now how to afford private school? or move to a remote island and home school lol

OP posts:
JollyPirate · 10/03/2010 22:24

Not so much the "flashing" stuff - that's quite "normal" (whatever normal is ). It's the pulling his trousers down and asking your DD to sit on him which seems odd.

As Pixie says - perhaps speak to the teacher about over-sexualised behaviour by some of the classmates so they can watch out for it.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 22:25

Not all private schools have well behaved children, think very carefully, it's all hit and miss.

Original poster
HarpersBoat · 10/03/2010 22:26

yes, sunshiney, i did step in and tell the girl off, and i feel sick i waited a while waiting for her mother to step in and do something, but i wont make that mistake again

OP posts:
Morloth · 10/03/2010 22:27

The flashing doesn't sound weird. Little boys like their willies a lot and think everyone finds them as interesting as they do.

The asking her to sit on him with his pants down is a bit odd in a 5yo though.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 22:28

My DSs are at London state primary - a good one, like yours, in a typically mixed area.

The boy's behaviour could be deemed a worry.

There will be the odd rude child in every class, and I would have disciplined a child who was hitting my daughter

I appreciate your alarm, but you seem to be extrapolating from 2 instances. Of course, since you've moved from a small nursery to a large school, there's a greater probability that you'll meet unpleasant behaviour.

As for the girls being mean to each other. I have boys myself, but I know this seems to happen - go and speak to the teacher about this. They should be tackling mean behaviour, teasing, and leaving people out of games in Circle Time.

2old4thislark · 10/03/2010 22:39

I'm a children's entertainer in the London area and am occasionally shocked by the behaviour I witness. About 98% of children across the social spectrum are lovely BUT about 2% are hideous.

I have witnessed violent behaviour (and mum watching and saying nothing). Also boys grabbing and hitting each other where it hurts. Some girls are mean to each other but usually with words. Just depends on what they witness at home and if they have older siblings etc. I generally see a lot less respect amongst private school children. AND the children from a 'deprived' area near me are the best behaved IME.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 10/03/2010 22:41

I'm going to sound like a like a very patronising older mother so beware!

First off the little boy's actions sound out of order and borderline child protection so I would definately raise with the class teacher, as he may be being exposed to inappropriate images/behaviour.

I would also advise to cut back on the 'play dates' (hate that phrase) as your DD may just want to relax at home with you after school and do not much at all, other than watch TV /ice biscuits/play dough/ go to the park etc with you.

The promise of something she wants to do at the end of the day may also help her settle a little better.

I was all for inviting back friends at that age, but now those same children have long fallen by the wayside, apart from the wierd one who posts stalker like messages on DD1's facebook page.

Imagine being surrounded all day by 29 strangers,being told what to do all day by a bossy grown up and then being expected to spend home time with these
people!

bit like work actually

Finally, no difference between state/private apart from opportunties to discuss skiing holidays

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2010 22:49

nope. load of rubbish. shame on you OP. waaaay too much to be anywhere near real.

BarryKent · 10/03/2010 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

akangarooloose · 10/03/2010 22:51

From about 15 years experience of sending my kids to about a dozen different schools (and supply teaching in dozens of others).

I'd be feeling peed off with having kids behaving like that and would rather my dd avoided them.

The boy sounds like he has definitely got ideas from somewhere!- TV in his room?

Girls and boys can be mean and bitchy at any age after pre-school IMO. It certainly doesn't help when the parents don't step in.

I know your pain - I've been there loads of times with my own DC. I'd suggest speaking to the teacher to see how he/she feels your DD is at school and how you're concerned that she appears lonely. I would then ask if she could reccommend some gentler children (if they have any!) whom you could invite.

akangarooloose · 10/03/2010 22:54

at in wrong place!

BarryKent · 10/03/2010 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tittybangbang · 10/03/2010 22:57

Ah, I remember my dd's 5th birthday. She had a 'Princess Party' and I invited all the girls from her class.

Foolishly thought a dance competition might be fun. Well it was - until there was a mass outbreak of dirty dancing. It was surreal to see a bunch of little girls in Disney Princess outfits doing dance moves like this:
eek!

But then we live in South London. In da ghetto.

coldtits · 10/03/2010 23:02

might be a London thing

I've NEVER witnessed behavior like that in our local rough state primary and I've had children round age up to 10 (including girls) - I'm not an extremely fussy mother either, we do get a bit of swearing from some of the older children, but NOTHING like this, and I live on a council estate!

the girls round here are more likely to be borrowing pushchairs for dolly play because they're too big for the toy ones.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2010 23:05

Inflammatory, oversexualised, violent...yup. London state schools.

Not.