Scary Behaviour in Reception Class

[HarpersBoat]

My daughter is at a good London primary school, in Reception. What I am stressed about is the way her new school friends are acting when at our house on play dates.

MD is very young in the class and started shortly after her 4th birthday, nervous about going from a nice, small private nursery to a "big school" with 200 odd pupils was quite daunting for her and I have tried hard to get her to settle in by inviting her friends to play at our house (as you do!) Se often says she hates going, and is scared in the playground as they are all in together from Reception to Year 6 and it can be a bit rough.

So far she has had a male 5 year old flash her at our dinner table, is this normal?! I know kids play "you show me yours, Ill show you mine.." but isn't 4 a little young? I was gobsmacked when he kept flashing his penis at her and asking her if she wanted to kiss him on the mouth! At one stage he lay on the floor and pulled his pants down and asked her to sit on him!!!

Another school friend, a fairly mature 5 year old, dances in a sexy way to Beyonce's "Put a ring on it" , knows all the dance moves, and was shaking her hips and admiring her midriff in the mirror. She tries to kiss boys on school excursions and seems to act much older and sexually aware in a way I find scary.

When this girl was here to play recently (her mum was sitting there and had come to collect her) and my daughter did not want to show her belly button to her mother, the "friend" started to repeatedly punch my daughter in the stomach and back as she lay cowering on the sofa. Her Mother made no real attempt to stop her and i was mortified. Not wanting to overreact, and discipline someone else's kid, but also freaking out my daughter was getting pumelled.

Most of the trouble seems to be with girls who are mean and friendly one minute mean and violent the next.

Please, has anyone advice on normal behaviour at this age? All her friends in Nursery were so sweet and innocent and now it seems Primary school is full of violent children that have not been taught how to treat people with respect, that are really sexually aware at a really young age. Is it like this at private school too?
Or is this just how it is in London state schools?

Any advice on how to deal with this and how to teach my daughter how to deal with people hurting her, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

Madame - Want to share my supply for this thread??

Ta, TLES, seems to be a quite a few tonight...might need to stock up!

The pixieonaleaf seems to be suffering from somekind of sense of humour/irony failure did you leave it orn the bus gel? Fer gawds sake gerra on yer "BOAT RACE"

Oi and pixieonherhighhorse how do you know I wasn't round Harper's gaffe that day partaking of lapsang and drizzle cake from her fine spode china. ( And can I say you bake a very fine cake Harpers me old mate) just coz pixie says to guests on HER play dates " run around around naked on the 100 acre estate do! Just remember to leave your shoes at the lodge house on the way in as we don't want you grinding your council estate shite onto the Aubusson in the Drawing Room " Oh and pixie Ed Balls's sex ed video for 7 year olds IS coming to a prep school near you. Watch this space!

bernadette you sound like an utter twat/horrible with those last 3 posts. Why the personal attack on pixieonaleaf? I've never reported posts before but am tempted with these.

I don't actually think bernadette is for real judging by her posts.

Meant to add and after my last post.

Have to say I did rofl @ 'If you dig holes on the field, fill them in again'

you do get a better class of alcohol and drugs at the private schools, the children have more disposable income.

bernadettechocolat - so glad you 'got' my first post.

In all honesty the bit that would concern me (pretending for 1 minute that this IS real) is the sit on my willy part and the punching in the tummy. Neither are normal behaviour in my opinion and I would put a stop to it if it was my childs playdate. A simple "put your willy away please" directed at the boy and a "keep your hands to yourself, we do NOT play like that in this house" to the sugarrushing girlie - whether the mother was there or not!

My dcs go to a rural state primary and I'd be horrified if any of the children there behaved the way you have described.I must be leading a sheltered life if it is regarded as normal.

I agree with 101damnations. Ds goes to state school and I have never come across behaviour like that from such young children.

Ds heard someone say "shit" the other day and when she was reprimanded by her mother he wanted to know why as he didn't know what it meant. Ds knows all about sex as we had the talk when he was 4 but he wouldn't have a clue about sexual slang words or anything like that.

OP, you need to take control of what's happening around you. If another child were punching mine, I'd wait a moment for the mother to react, then if she didn't I certainly would! How can you expect her to deal with such issues (whether by telling an adult or defending herself) if the adults around her just stand and watch? - she will come to think this is acceptable behaviour.

@jollypirate it is affirmative I am one of a group of spamming twatbots released by NetMums to take over the universe. Pixeonalog is most wise and attuned to our ways and saw my original post was rubbish she herself had to write a load of old rubbish to "smoke us out". We know the game is up we will come quietly, (I suggest you pick up justinemumsnet as she is our glorious leader) This post will SELF DESTRUCT IN 3 MINUTES........

I think I love bernadetteoflourdes, has kept me entertained all afternoon, which is no mean feat. (spesh the name)

unless she's serious?

Welcome to school life

Schools everywhere have children whose behaviour is sometimes inappropriate; the nice/mean girls issue is definitely not restricted to London state schools, nor is the dodgy dancing or the apparently sexualised behaviour. What matters is how you choose to respond to each of these.

Your daughter needs to be taught what is and isn't acceptable and also to be given responses/strategies for dealing with situations if they arise. A simple, "I don't like it when you do that" can be used for kissing/sit on me requests and for hitting. She needs to know that it is okay to say that she doesn't want to play with someone if they are being unkind to her to to someone else and that games involving anything usually covered by pants/knickers is something she's far too young for at 5 and that she should simply walk away or say, "no thank you" when asked to join in - she doesn't need to be rude about it but she should calmly tell an adult so the adult can deal with the child instigating such play if necessary.

I probably would mention the boy's behaviour to their teacher because whilst it may be entirely innocent it may be down to something else; seeing inappropriate TV programmes, witnessing an older sibling using it as an attention-seeking device - who knows? If you let the teacher know then she can decide what to do with that information (although she may ask you to let the CP officer at the school know if the school already have other concerns).

For the next little while I'd avoid inviting classmates home for tea; Reception children are usually shattered at the end of the day so it's probably not an ideal time anyway. Could you volunteer to help out in class to listen to reading or something? Your daughter might like you being a bit more involved and it would give you the opportunity to see a calmer side of her peers.

Not all London state schools are packed full of delinquent children but as in any area, there will be children whose start in life won't have been as secure or comfortable as they deserve and a couple of terms in Reception isn't going to make up for that.

Pixie...., quote:"...it's repressive to stop children experimenting with swear words..."
Tis' way madness lays.
I have heard numpties before, but you, my dear, take the cake.

It's soooo liberating when reception age children spout profanities, what a wonderful and proud feeling it must be as a parent...
[boak]

[needs to find out which school she sends her children to so can avoid the whole damned county]

...madness I tell ya.....

I don't live in the UK but I would find this behavior horrifying and would have stopped it with a firm "We do not behave that way in this house," and yes, I would think about switching schools.

Certainly "you show me yours" is a normal part of childhood experimentation but that crosses the line.

my DSs did their "naked willy" dance for some friends (girls) when I wasn´t paying attention (they were 5 and 3 at the time).

It made me laugh, but I did tell them to put it away.

DS also "snogged" a girl in class (when 6), that was a bit of a shock if I´m honest. The teacher told me about it.

They also ask me to see my "willy" and the opening that babies get out of (I don´t ). They are curious.

I had a chat with DS teacher, and she told me that most children have sort of "sexual awakening" (mainly curiosity) at that age. Children are not all innocent for 12 years and then suddenly become teenagers. It´s a gradual process. I did not know this.

Having a chat with your DC teacher might be good.

Also, whilst some of this behaviour is normal, YOU make the rules in YOUR house and should feel free to tell these kids: "Don´t do that please!"

Spambot here again, pixieonapram is really a.) Tanya Byron Phd b.) Joe Frost or c.) A highly qualified Norland Nanny Answers on a baby wipe please to: Iggle Piggle eat my words,
c/o Cbeeebies the land of make believe by the chip shop off the Hammersmith flyover etc etc >

He he he