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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely bloody fuming. He FORGOT about her!

77 replies

jeffily · 09/03/2010 21:49

DH and I share childcare of DD. Today was one of my days, but I had to go into work for a couple of hours in the evening. My sister was looking after DD and DH was supposed to be home by 5.30 to take over, do bath and bedtime (usually 6.15) and let my sister go home to have her dinner etc.
As I was leaving work at 6.45 I got a text from him saying that he'd be home in 15minutes! I rang him straight back and he was still on his way home and had basically totally forgotten that he was meant to be at home with DD.
DD wasn't alone, and my sister actually coped really well- she got her bathed and into bed (albeit without her babygro buttoned up and not in her sleeping bag, but in bed and asleep, a minor miracle without her usual full BF before bed!). But I am FURIOUS. I rely on my sister to look after DD once a month for 2 of DH's days when he regularly works away. I need her to feel that she can trust us to be home when we say we will. I know that things come up sometimes, but he didn't even remember that he was meant to be here, he didn't even ring to say that he was going to be late. I hadn't gone through bedtime routine with my sis at all as I thought there as no way she would need to do it.
He has apologised, to me and to her, but I am finding it sooo hard to let it go. It's just not fucking good enough. But what more can he do? I can't bear to sit next to him fuming so have now come to bed to MN and have some space from him.
I need to let it go, don't I? I know I do. Guess it won't feel so immediate in the morning.

OP posts:
mylifemykids · 09/03/2010 21:53

Did you remind him? Sorry to state the obvious but he is MALE! I know it's no excuse but they really can't think of more than one thing at a time and need reminding of things like this.

I do understand why you're angry with him but your DD didn't come to any harm.

Even if he HAD been home she wouldn't have had her BF before bed because you weren't there anyway so that bit is irrelevant!

TheFallenMadonna · 09/03/2010 21:54

You need to let it go. He forgot something that was out of his normal routine. It's not that he forgot that he had a daughter or anything - which I did do once myself actually. I left DD in a shop and DH said "where's the baby?" and I said "what baby?". Now that's forgetting about her...

TheFallenMadonna · 09/03/2010 21:55

Oh, and I am FEMALE!

saslou · 09/03/2010 21:55

Is this a one off or does he regularly forget to do things which are important to helping the family run smoothly. Everyone screws up sometimes esp if they have a lot on their minds and if this is not typical then let it go. I know this is hard because I would be pissed off too. If he often does things like this, then that would be different

compo · 09/03/2010 21:55

'But what more can he do?'

exactly!

if it was the first time then lesson learned etc , try to forget about it

rainbowinthesky · 09/03/2010 21:57

What has being male got to do with it?? hate those sort of posts...

I was sat in a very important meetign once and suddenly released as it ran way over time that I should have left 1/2 hour previously to get dd. I am female.

JiminyCricket · 09/03/2010 21:58

He would prob be fuming with you if you did it too, its protective instinct, but what more can he do, he has said sorry and no harm was done.

bruxeur · 09/03/2010 21:58

I tell you what, I'd be bloody careful if I were you that you never have and never will make a mistake. You don't sound like the kind of person who likes the taste of their own medicine...

Ewe · 09/03/2010 22:02

Let it go!

These things happen, we're only human. Your DD was with a close family member, nothing bad happened, there was no real upshot of this and certainly no harm done.

I am sure your sister will understand and DH will be extra conscious of checking what he is doing when from now on.

claw3 · 09/03/2010 22:04

You are right, you do need to let it go.

thisisyesterday · 09/03/2010 22:05

i would be fuming too op!

it's easy to say "oh it's just a mistake"

but he forgot about his own daughter ffs! it's a fairly important thing to remember. and he should have set some kind of reminder as it wasn't his usual day.

dp did this once, i got home from a morning out to find a messaage on the phone from school to say ds1 hadn't been picked up. I was livid!

hpw hard is it, once, to remember to get your own child????

mylifemykids · 09/03/2010 22:05

What has being male got to do with it?

The male brain is wired differently to the female brain. It's been scientifically proven that they can only concentrate on one thing at a time!

Saying that, I went to the shop 2 weeks after having DS and had got into the car before I remembered he was in the house...but at least I did remember!

trefusis · 09/03/2010 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rainbowinthesky · 09/03/2010 22:08

Really? Because dh is more than capable of doing several things at once and of looking after and remembering his children.....

islandofsodor · 09/03/2010 22:10

YABU.

It is so easily done if it a change to your usual routine. I have forgotten to pick the children up from school/nursery a couple of times when it has not been my ususal day to or when I have been working on what was normally my day off.

Lighten up and go a bit easier on your dh.

LadyPeterWimsey · 09/03/2010 22:12

I used to leave DS, 6 at the time, to come home from church with DH - and three times he arrived home without him!

Leaving aside the male/female brain stuff, he has apologised. You need to let it go or it will do your relationship no good at all. God forbid you ever forget something important.

bruxeur · 09/03/2010 22:13

Mylifemycliche - I would be very interested in that paper.

Link please?

TheCrackFox · 09/03/2010 22:14

I am going to sit on the fence with this one. Ok he did fuck up but i would imagine he is very upset with himself so it is unlikely to happen again.

Setting a reminder on the phone is a good idea.

You need to let it go.

Slartybartfast · 09/03/2010 22:14

was your sister ok with it?

yabu though.
it can happen. he didnt forget her in the car, in the shop, in her bed , as have people have been known to

BicycleBelle · 09/03/2010 22:16

Don't understand why you are quite so angry, unless this is symptomatic of bigger problems. But I think your DH owes your sis a nice bunch of flowers or chocs. Sounds like she did brilliantly.

mylifemykids · 09/03/2010 22:17

I never said he should be let off the hook but I know from experience that I need to remind DH to do stuff like this. I assumed it was because he was male but have been proven wrong!

I've learnt something new today at least

rainbowinthesky · 09/03/2010 22:18

Surely you don't put down all your dh's faults to him being male and assume all men are the same?

teasle · 09/03/2010 22:19

Sounds like your firstborn (is it?) is quite young (sleep-bag etc, or whatever they are called, sorry I forget)- I totally understand how you feel....however you DO have to let it go...but that sort of thing would severely piss me off too.

I think people sometimes forget how you feel when your baby is tiny.

Give it some time. Is he sorry etc?

runnybottom · 09/03/2010 22:19

My sons remember to breathe and talk and walk all at the same time, medical marvels that they are!

Utter tosh, mylifemykids.

OP, get over it. People forget things. Unless you are princess perfect you surely have a fault or 2 of your own.

crankytwanky · 09/03/2010 22:20

Good ol' sis!

He did text you to tell you he was on his way home, so it was a genuine mistake. It's not like he was out on the lash.

I'd be fuming too, but I'd hope I could get over it before I go to sleep.

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