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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely bloody fuming. He FORGOT about her!

77 replies

jeffily · 09/03/2010 21:49

DH and I share childcare of DD. Today was one of my days, but I had to go into work for a couple of hours in the evening. My sister was looking after DD and DH was supposed to be home by 5.30 to take over, do bath and bedtime (usually 6.15) and let my sister go home to have her dinner etc.
As I was leaving work at 6.45 I got a text from him saying that he'd be home in 15minutes! I rang him straight back and he was still on his way home and had basically totally forgotten that he was meant to be at home with DD.
DD wasn't alone, and my sister actually coped really well- she got her bathed and into bed (albeit without her babygro buttoned up and not in her sleeping bag, but in bed and asleep, a minor miracle without her usual full BF before bed!). But I am FURIOUS. I rely on my sister to look after DD once a month for 2 of DH's days when he regularly works away. I need her to feel that she can trust us to be home when we say we will. I know that things come up sometimes, but he didn't even remember that he was meant to be here, he didn't even ring to say that he was going to be late. I hadn't gone through bedtime routine with my sis at all as I thought there as no way she would need to do it.
He has apologised, to me and to her, but I am finding it sooo hard to let it go. It's just not fucking good enough. But what more can he do? I can't bear to sit next to him fuming so have now come to bed to MN and have some space from him.
I need to let it go, don't I? I know I do. Guess it won't feel so immediate in the morning.

OP posts:
Missus84 · 09/03/2010 22:24

It was a mistake, no harm was done - you need to let it go.

ooojimaflip · 09/03/2010 22:29

He didn't forget your daughter, he forgot he had to leave work at a particualr time.

Mumcentreplus · 09/03/2010 22:30

give him a break and let this time slide...dont get upset about a genuine mistake

mylifemykids · 09/03/2010 22:32

I did a psychology essay on the male/female brain thing for my A'Levels. Was a looooooong time ago though and we used books not the internet in the olden days! The only name I can remember now (yeah, yeah) is Roger Gorski who was a neurologist studying the male and female brain configuration.

Completely off on a tangent now from the OP but was quite offended by the mylifemycliche comment!

seeker · 09/03/2010 22:33

I can't understand why you are so angry. He made a mistake - have you never made a mistake?

Are you possibly a bit of a cotrol frea? I asked because you mentioned you sister buttoning the babygro up wrongly as if ythat was important. If you are, you might want to think about letting go a bit - there are going to be lots of times in the future when you'll have to let other people do "good enough" childcare!

fallon8 · 09/03/2010 22:35

did anyone die because the babygro buttons were undone and the baby wasnt in the sleeping bag? thought not.isnt that telling you something? Lighten up.

j0807bump · 09/03/2010 22:38

well done to your sister and DS for getting off abit out of routine

fraid i would prob be annoyed at DH too but agree i have to remind him about everything or he will forget.

forgive him in the morn

Portofino · 09/03/2010 22:38

I forgot, more than once, to drop dd off at nursery before I got to work. Overtired, baby brain. Honestly, I really understand how these hot sun things might happen. Baby is alseep, makes no noise. God it so easy to judge others.....

StrawberriesAndCherries · 09/03/2010 22:40

Was your sister that bothered? Probably not as she doesnt appear to have texted or called to say "where is he", she is the only one inconvenienced and yet it appears she is fine and probaly realised everyone makes mistakes.

No real harm done, and i bet he wont forget again!

j0807bump · 09/03/2010 22:40

sorry, just changed your DDs sex

QuintessentialShadows · 09/03/2010 22:40

It was a mistake, he did not do this on purpose, so I think you need to let it go.

My dh forgot to pick up ds2 from nursery.
He came home with ONE child, our oldest son, but forgot to go into the baby room to pick up our youngest.

His excuse? He had never before picked up TWO children from the nursery.

Imagine the surprise of the staff when they saw him come for ds1, and when they realized he had left without ds2. It was past the nursery closing time when he got back there.

Cadelaide · 09/03/2010 22:41

YABU

I don't understand why you are "absolutely bloody fuming".

hmc · 09/03/2010 22:44

I'd be angry too jeffily.

solo · 09/03/2010 22:45

Send sister flowers, get him to pay for them and forget it. Was wondering how old your sister is actualy as you make it sound like she's a youngster...

You are very fortunate to have a support network. Baby was Ok, warm and asleep, so obviously not suffered any long term trauma.
Mistakes happen and as mistakes go, this was pretty minor.

supersalstrawberry · 09/03/2010 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 09/03/2010 22:46

In the end, he was an hour late. He apologised to your sister.

DP and I both work f/t and our childcare is juggled very like yours, by the sounds of it. The whole point of sharing childcare is that each takes thier reponsibility. You will do your head in if you fret over his arrangements. If your sister is pissed off, let her tell HIM. If she isn't pissed off, and has accepted his apology, then all's well.

Delegate, and only fret if something bad has actually happened!

Your sister did v well (of course she did!) - take courage and confidence from that - the world does not necessarily come to a stop because you or your DH are not there.

runnybottom · 09/03/2010 22:47

mylife if you're talking about gorski's 1978 studies on SDN-POA...well a year is a long time in neuro-psychology. 30 years......

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/03/2010 22:50

I would have been fuming, too, OP.

hmc · 09/03/2010 22:51

This isn't about the 'safety' / well being of the child though - it's about dependability and reliability and being a partner that jeffily can count on.

I'd like jeffily to come back and tell us if this is 'typical' for her dh - or a one-off...

If the latter I agree - cut him some slack...but if he is a scatty, absent minded light weight when it comes to reliability then I can understand the urge to throttle him. It can be very wearing

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 09/03/2010 22:51

lol, just wait until you forget. because you WILL, esp if you MN. gawd, the amount of times i've looked at the clock and realised that i've got three minutes to pick dd1 up from nursery.

TheFallenMadonna · 09/03/2010 22:52

I am watching this thread in active convos and guessing, if I recognise the poster's name, whether they will think OP is BU or not. I have a good hit rate.

I should be marking...

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 09/03/2010 22:54

what did you think i'd say?

Missus84 · 09/03/2010 22:54

To say "he forgot her" is a bit on the hysterical side too - he forgot arrangements had changed and that he had to come home early, but he didn't forgot your dd.

Agree it depends if it's a one off or typical behaviour though.

hmc · 09/03/2010 22:55

Did you get me right?

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 09/03/2010 22:56

eeeeveryone would get you, hmc.

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