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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be bemused by people who blame their appalling behaviour on a medical condition that sounds remarkably convenient

114 replies

Desdamona · 08/03/2010 10:30

I wanted to post on a thread that someone else started a few weeks ago, but I can't find it. I have just been listening to Women's Hour. A woman in her twenties appears to have made a good living out of fleecing fiances and wants her personality disorder to be taken into account. What is the difference between having a personality disorder and being a bit of a shit who happened to get caught? How long have these convenient personality disorders been around as a defence for, er, crime?

And what is the difference between an alcoholic and someone who refused to exercise any self-control? If someone is overweight, they are judged to be unable or reluctant to deny themselves pleasure. Why do we get all understanding as soon as the (twit) claims they have a (made up) medical handle. It's not a disease. There is no proof it is a disease. There may be a genetic tendency but don't turn it into a disease. The disease theory is based on the replies to under 100 questionnaires.

I had a bf who claimed to be alcoholic. Just got drunk when he liked and, ooh, aren't you brave, telling all your drunk mates about it?

Personality disorder: Don't get me started.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 09/03/2010 22:26

I do think there is a lot of ignorance around mental health, but that this includes both over-medicalisation and the diagnosing of unusual view/behaviours as a form of 'mental illness' when the person with the views/behaviours is doing fine, thanks and doesn't need either drugging or berating into conformity and a small number of people who claim to have a mental health problem in order to get their own way or get out of trouble (I am thinking of one or two threads on here about DPs who claim to be 'depressed' but who's depression seems to take the form of being a lazy, bullying whinyarse, who won't seek medical help or advice, won't do anything round the house and blames his 'depression' on the woman's lack of interest in sex and refusal to support him indefinitely).

Kaloki · 09/03/2010 22:55

"Does anyone know how many people are employed in mental health? It strikes me as something of something of a growth industry.

It is in the interests of 'mental health professionals' that as many people clock in as possible. "

And possibly it's in the best interests of the patients that there are plenty of staff!

scottishmummy · 09/03/2010 22:58

bulk of mental health is mantained in community by gp and cmht.bed numbers have reduced in real terms

Clarissimo · 10/03/2010 09:16

'I have had the honour of being sectioned.'

doewsn't make yopu the only one though does it?

I have cared for and nursed a Dh who tried for suicide, was raised by a depressed Mum and Alcoholic Dad and worked in teh sector. I have 2 asd kids (both diagnosed mainly by Psychs so yes MH) and am taking an MA in it.

I am no expert but well enough informed myself to hold very well informed opinions.

daytoday · 10/03/2010 10:45

My brother was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia when he was 24.

He was the best looking kid in our school, captain of the football team, bright but a little naughty. Then in his teens he became very angry and was badly behaved.

My parents argued - punished him. Why was he always being so bad? Couldn't he make the right choices? What had they done wrong? Were they bad parents? They went to the doctors but didn't do much. Over the years my brother became increasingly agitated and delusional - my parents tried to get him committed but the hospital ward was full and didn't take him. They cried! We all cried! We didn't for a minute understand.

It was only when we found him trying to hang himself in our garden because he couldn't go on - that the hospital finally accepted him onto the ward. Finally after 7 years he was diagnosed. He received therapy and medication.

He has never asked for anything from society other than kindness and understanding. I love my brother very much. I admire him and the greatest lessons on life I have learnt from him - not from university, not from women's hour and not from twits like you.

You need to know that it is very hard to get a mental health diagnosis - and I suppose the question is, is society any worse taking people's mental health into consideration? I think not.

maryz · 10/03/2010 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsC2010 · 10/03/2010 11:15

My mother suffered a nervous breakdown when I was a teen, locking herself in my parents bedroom for 3 months and only speaking to my granny. We were all 'out to get her' and there were people watching the house. As it turned out, she and my father had been going through a rough patch, and she had convinced herself that she needed to lose weight (she was about a 14/16) in order to be able to keep us and be a good mother...I think this goes back to her childhood with said Granny, who is very loving but hyper-critical, especially of my beautiful mother. (?!) She was prescribed slimming pills, and became addicted causing a chemical inbalance. Once this was identified she could be helped, and made a full recovery.

Sadly a few years later she was struck down with a very rare form of cancer resulting in horrendous chemo and eventual leg amputation. She developed very severe depression and family life was a struggle for all of us for years. My father was an absolute rock, but the saddest day was when my mother received a letter from my aunt (father's sister) telling her to stop feeling sorry for herself and pull herself together. Get off her arse and look after her family, stop milking it etc etc. Paraphrased obviously. My father disowned said sister.

My mum's problems are managed now, and she has almost returned to her pre-illness self...albeit with a little more emotional vulnerability. I guess what I am trying to say in a rather prolongued way is that people found dealing with my mother's cancer and near death far more easy than dealing with the fact that she struggled mentally and emotionally after it...which I found odd. If I had been through what she did I would doubt whether I actually wanted to live too.

I do worry about my own mental health at time too. Essentially on the surface I am a very happy, successful and popular person with everything to be happy about. But, and I wouldn't necessarily admit to this in RL, I do have some very dark thoughts at points that I can't dismiss, and I can spend days trying to put certain thoughts, feelings and images out of my mind so I can carry on. My doctor diagnosed my with depression in my early 20ies but I shrugged it off, and now I don't feel I can pursue help again. What have I got to be depressed about? One of my best friends killed herself after a few attempts when we were 19, and despite my protestations to those who know in RL...I can understand why she did it, and I go through those emotions too, I just know I won't act on them. Life scares the living hell out of me, and I know that at some point I will go through pain that I will very much struggle to handle. What is the point in going through that pain when we all just live then die anyway? You get my point. I tend to float through life in some sort of bubble, not really experiencing the highs.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough, probably due to being off work with yet ANOTHER horrendous cold. Back to the OP, I do believe that there is an element of over-diagnoses, and the need to put every behaviour into a box to help us understand it. But this doesn't stop the behaviours existing, or requiring help and support regardless of what we call them.

Mermaidspam · 10/03/2010 11:19

"Does anyone know how many people are employed in mental health? It strikes me as something of something of a growth industry.

It is in the interests of 'mental health professionals' that as many people clock in as possible."

FFS, ignorance astounds me, it really does.

Have you considered the fact that there is less of a stigma attached to mental illness now than there has ever been and therefore more people are prepared to accept help.

Clarissimo · 10/03/2010 11:20

I hope you reach your destination soon, MaryZ and your brother sounds like a good man daytoday.

I consider myself lucky to havegroown up in a family where MH issues weren't brushed away; my Uncle has spent much time in and out of units- ever since his 5 year old died of cancer. Dad is one ofmany children and there is a set of twins where one has had a lifelong battle with anorexia, the other with undiagnosed MH isues that are severe enough to eman she has always needed a carer- that was my parents until SSD asked them to choose between her and a newborn me. OTOH DH grew up in the opposite environment MIL clearly has OCD and it has wrecked her life, but she would never admit it. When DH had his first episode of depression / suicide attempt at 17 she refused to allow to receive help ojn threat of eviction due to the embarassment. Unsurprisingly DH has inproved leaps since MIL was removed from his life.

I think it is an excuse in the very rare cases- when someone has absolutely no grasp on reality and should be in a nsecure environment. Most people though I would agree with the reason / excuse argument. It can be hard though- behaviours such as the ones DS1 has linked to MH (he ahs MH and as issues) are fiendlishly hard to change and it can be a slog of decades.

Someone might read through this and think bloody obvious family histiry- well quite; the ASD is traceable through my lot, don't know if the MH issues are so much as those who suffred them all went through some level of trauma, but I think it would be great if there was a genetic predisposition discovered one fday; people can bel;eive in genes, anything else is too abstract for some. Or too reminiscent of demonic possession type ideas I guess.

MrsC2010 · 10/03/2010 11:21

I love the idea of a whole new profession being created and then the 'conditions' created afterwards to keep it happy. Is it not more logical, and plausible that the conditions and the sufferers of them came along requiring help and the jobs were created in order to fulfill this need?

Clarissimo · 10/03/2010 11:31

here's
where I worked before it was demolished- does it look as if was a new build for made up conditions?

Or as if it was full of dank grey corridors built mainly to keep people who were ill away from genteel society? (clue: the latter)

MH services are mroe vivisble because its recohgnised and not hosue twenty miles from nowhere is all

maryz · 10/03/2010 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaloki · 10/03/2010 13:11

maryz I know which methods I prefer!

tiredemma · 12/03/2010 10:26

"Does anyone know how many people are employed in mental health? It strikes me as something of something of a growth industry.

It is in the interests of 'mental health professionals' that as many people clock in as possible."

This cheers me no end. At least I know that with this logic, I will always have paid work available to me.

Maryz- our local 'asylum' was closed down around 1995 ( so it could be 'developed into luxury apartments') for a while the NHS donated it to the local Fire service so they could use it for training exercises as it had lots of underground tunnels. Apparently the Fire service found shackles and other implements in the underground tunnels - (this was one of the very first 'lunatic asylums built in the UK)

Makes me feel sad to think about the treatment and abuse the patients must have endured.

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