"I want to hear more from Borderliner now. I'd love to know:
How you were diagnosed
If the diagnosis came as a relief
What difference it has made.
IMO We need to hear more about people who manage to function perfectly well with conditions that are stigmatised in society, such as BPD."
OOhhh someone wants to hear more from me. Thanks for asking.
Firstly can I recommend almost everything skihorse has written on here about BPD. I wish I was able to be as open as her, but there have been some appalling comments about people with PDs being "scum" and "low-lives" and "sub-human" on here, so I'm still not really ready to out myself - if you recognise me (I'm a very regular long term mnetter, though not very well known) please don't out me!
I was diagnosed after slipping into very deep depression for yet another time. I was very depressed, drinking too much and hiding it, lying to my dh about where I was going (said I was meeting people/going out places etc) when I wasn't going anywhere, just lying in bed. He works away a couple of days a week so it was quite easy once I got the kids out to school.
One night for some reason I was on the computer and I came across a reference to BPD and checked the criteria (no idea why I did this) and it was like reading a description of myself. I have/had every symptom there. This brought me to tears and I called dh and he had a look too - I confessed what had really been going on for the last few months and we decided to seek help. The psychiatrist was dismissive but agreed to refer me to clinical psychology, who put me through some diagnostic procedures but were sure pretty much from the start that I had self-diagnosed correctly.
The diagnosis was an immense releif - finally there was a reason for everything!! It was no excuse and I totally accept responsibility for my behaviour, but it was a releif to knwo why I "acted out" so badly (in the past this had involved barricading the doors so dh couldn't leave the house, for example, and self-harm, overeating, drinking etc). It also explained why stressful situations give me a virtual "out of body" experience - I don't seem to be safely located inside my own head - I've sat several exams for example while feeling like I was on the ceiling. I have terrible trouble accepting that I am loved by my family, dh, children etc.
In my case, it is likely that the "cause" - if there is one - was my mother, who I am sure suffered from some kind of mental illness. She certainly has a form of OCD and she is now married to the most narcissistic man I have ever encountered (not diagnosed- just my opinion) - she is his enabler. She left before I was a teenager and we are now estranged.
The difference it has made: now I know what is wrong with me. So I know how to go about putting it right. I need to learn to love myself and to take responsibility for my own actions and to change the way I deal with the world. I am in some fairly hefty psychotherapy for it now - there are several treatments out there, I was not suitable for group therapy, I'm too independent minded and there wasn't a group available that I could join.
Being borderline is no excuse. I'm a mum to some wonderful dcs, who are mentally healthy and growing up into fabulous kids. I work part time as a teacher and I'm damn good at my job! I am in a loving marriage with a fabulous man who adores me and just wants to see me fulfil my potential as a person.
I do accept that with other PDs, especially NPD, the outlook is much more grim. BPD tends to affect more women than men and tends to improve with age - not so some of the other ones.
I was willing and able to look into myself and decide enough was enough. I'm lucky in that I suppose. People with PDs can live as fabulous members of society, if they are prepared to put the effort in and then, if society is able to listen.
Mumsnet is a real support to me and has been for almost all of its 10 years. But I'm still afraid to say who I am on here, in case it will cause people to dislike or dismiss me. I realise thats not doing much for the cause of personality disorders, but I need to protect myself.
Ask any more questions you want to.