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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it slightly stingy for a couple to bring *one* bottle of Tesco half-price wine with them when invited to dinner?

151 replies

oliviacrumble · 05/03/2010 22:38

Recently had a dinner-party (went to lots of effort, lovely food, lots of wine, blah blah). Two couples came bearing a bottle each of that weeks Tesco half-price offer (plus in one case a bar of chocolate), then proceeded to drink the house dry, in one couples case til 3am. Please don't get me wrong, am def not the penny-pinching hostess, and most certainly will always keep the drink flowing, just thought it a little mean.Maybe the fact that there was a slight element of "duty" involved, ie returning hospitality to guests has coloured my view. If dh and i are invited anywhere, would always bring two bottles. Is one (cheap) bottle per couple the new black?

OP posts:
lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:44

"I can just picture everyone stood about clutching their own little bottle, warily eyeing other merrymakers unless they make a grab for it. Weird."

LOL @ georgimama. that's not quite how it goes here, but I can appreciate why you'd think of that kind of scenario. I find your attitude amusing. It's just done differently here sometimes that's all.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:46

that's true gaelicsheep - there's no point have misunderstanding amongst a group of friends. it's easier if everyone knows where they stand. we also only invite close friends over or vice versa because we all know where we stand when it comes to drinks for the evening.

AnnieLobeseder · 06/03/2010 21:47

porcamiseria - was this bbq hosted by South Africans? Because in SA everyone brings their own meat, plus a pudding and a salad to a bbq. And their own drinks too.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:48

wow South Africans know how to party aswell then!lol

lilolilmanchester · 06/03/2010 21:50

OK, so DH & I wouldn't turn up to a dinner party with just one bottle of wine, so kind of see where you are coming from. BUT when we have a dinner party, we make sure we have all the drink in that we need. You can't be "not penny-pinching" on the one hand yet know the exact price of the wine and complain about it on the other.... Are they likely to invite you back? If so, then just take back similar. It'll even out. For me, dinner parties are about entertaining friends, anything they bring is a bonus rather than expected.

Mumcentreplus · 06/03/2010 21:54

I suppose it depends on what was discussed before the party...if you didn't say bring x amount of bottles why be pissed? .com...I usually bring at least 1 bottle to a party and sometimes a sweet or a dish..it depends on the invite specifications..if you had none dont whinge makes you look tight

porcamiseria · 06/03/2010 21:59

annie, so what do the hosts lay on? hot coals!!! nah I jest, whatever goes

But the hostess was a brit AND she used to slag off guests that did not bring enough booze too. Id literally spend a fortune in M&S beforehand, my Meditteraean DP was disgusted.....

AnnieLobeseder · 06/03/2010 22:02

porcamiseria - I am surpised then. Hosts do indeed lay on coals, LOL. And rolls. And more salads and puds. And the swimming pool. If everyone brings salads and puds, there's loads to go around, you see! Ah, those were the days!

jooseyfruit · 07/03/2010 06:03

dccycyyuu

sayithowitis · 07/03/2010 09:29

surely the bottle and the bar of chocolate were gifts to thank you for your hospitality, not specifically to supplement the drink you had already purchased?

Personally, when I used to do dinner parties, I always planned the wine to compliment(?sp) the food I was serving. If guests brought wine, I would only use it if it went well with the food. I am not a wine snob, but there are certain wines that taste great with particular foods and yet are disgusting with other dishes. I was always just as happy, if not more so, with a few flowers or a small pack of indulgent biscuits or whatever.
I think it is very rude of you to demean their gift to you just because it happened to be on offer that week. Maybe they like that wine anyway and thought you would too. They obviously didn't realise that you would regard it as their payment for your hospitality. Did you present them with a bill at the end of the evening?

Limelight · 07/03/2010 09:51

Probably YAB a bit U.

A friend of mine of mine once had someone round for dinner who brought a half drunk bottle of wine with them. Now, that's stingy...

lorelilee · 07/03/2010 10:07

Looking like an 'all Celts together' situation, as we'd definitely take at least 2 bottles of wine and maybe a bottle of port or somesuch. Thus, IMHO, YADNBU

EggyAllenPoe · 07/03/2010 10:10

i love a good party, and particualrly love being the host and laying on all the lovely food & booze especially if it is a poncy dinner party.

I am aghast that anyone would have a problem with guest bringing only one bottle, and a cheap one -
are you going to specify amount and quality of wine to be brought on your invites next time?

YABVU.

mustrunmore · 11/03/2010 18:05

OMG this thread makes me so sad. And so glad we dont invited to 'dinner parties'.
We would def take half price wine, where's he logic in choosing something full price ffs?
We would only take one bottle, I just think it looks naff and uncomfortable taking two; makes it look like its about quantity and value rather than a thank you for inviting us gesture.
I would also prob take a big bar rather than a box, unless Tescos still had th finest belgian boxes half price.

I cant see the point in getting things that are less value for money just for the sake of appearances.

lal123 · 11/03/2010 18:15

Georgiemama - just to say that in Scotland New Year is the only time when you bring alcohol round to people's houses and then take it away with you again. Its got nothing to do with it being the drink of your choice, you're not supposed to drink it yourself!! Its to offer people a drink to welcome new year, as part of the culture of first footing (you should bring a dressed herring too to be correct!). I've been in Scotland for 18 years now and still find it amusing on New Years day to see everyone out walking with their tesco bags full of booze visiting friends and family. We don't drink whisky, but have a bottle in the house which gets pulled out every New Year and brought round folk.

Also - Good attempt to change the subject Olivia re reduced wines - failed miserably though!

chandellina · 11/03/2010 21:23

what an eye opener - it would never even occur to me to bring more than one bottle of wine. For a party maybe a bottle and some beers, but for a dinner party I would definitely bring one bottle only and I have never received more than that from a guest. (except, again, maybe a bottle of wine plus some beers.)
If I am entertaining, I would have plenty of booze on hand anyway, and wouldn't fret about being "drunk dry" by my guests.

sunnydelight · 12/03/2010 02:06

Well I'm obviously going against the majority in saying YANBU. You invite people to dinner, not an open bar until the early hours. Everyone we invite to dinner pretty much brings a bottle of wine each as that is the minimum they will drink! The hostess provides the food and the extra half dozen bottles that will be required in the early hours of the morning

Maybe most of you who think everything should be provided have friends who have a glass or two of wine over the evening but not the people I socialise with! A lot of people here (Sydney) will bring a "hostess gift", eg. flowers or chocolates as well.

mustrunmore · 12/03/2010 07:37

Thats probably it then; we'de never bring more than a bottle because I cant imagine drinking more than a bottle. If we ever got invited, that it! Tbh, with kids, we onlt do daytimes, so lunch with the kids too, so of course we wouldnt drink that much then. And if it was an evening and we drank till the early hours, it would only be with close friends that such a situation would arise, so they wouldnt get arsey about whether we'd brought enough with us or not. Close friends dont mind things like that, and it all evens out in the end.

swanandduck · 12/03/2010 13:12

I am Irish and I would agree that in Ireland couples would tend to bring two bottles of wine or a bottle of wine and some flowers or chocolates. Older people, like my parents, would bring one bottle but usually something good. So maybe it is a cultural thing.

Eve4Walle · 12/03/2010 16:20

YABU.

A friend of mine always brings cheapo wine, despite us being into our wine, and always taking something half decent when we go to hers. I don't really care about it TBH - last time she came she bought something from Aldi and it was quite nice actually! One bottle is enough as well - we maybe bring some beer as well but it depends on the situation really.

scaryteacher · 12/03/2010 17:32

I always take one bottle of red and one of white. If I were to take one bottle only, it would be a good bottle of port or fizz, and I always take chocolates as well.

Northernlurker · 12/03/2010 17:54

I suspect I'd only bring one good bottle. As I don't drink and dh has to drive as I can't yet - we'd hardly be drinking the house dry though.

Sn0wflake · 12/03/2010 19:27

Well actually (as a couple) we do take what we might drink....used to be two bottles, now with baby it's 1. I am just aware that a lot of my friends don't have enough money to cater and provide all the booze regularly.

Don't really think too much about what other people bring but they are always generous...flowers, chocolates, wine, juice, themselves.

I think you are feeling this way because they are not your close friends.

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/03/2010 17:49

We would usually take a bottle of wine and a bottle of prosecco or something. I would definitely feel rude to turn up empty handed (and have felt v embarrassed in the past when we've got there and realised that the wine is still in our kitchen...). I don't actually mind if people don't bring something, but do find it slightly strange TBH. We did have a friend who used to come round for dinner quite regularly and never brought anything with him, whereas when we went to his we would always take a few bottles, which seemed a bit odd (especially as, classily, we live opposite an off licence). Don't see him much now (for entirely unrelated reasons!) but always thought it a bit odd.

Thinking about it, I think it is fairly usual in our social group for people to turn up with a couple of bottles - but I would not consider it odd if they just brought one. However, feel quite awkward when people turn up laden with champagne, expensive chocolates, orchids etc - mostly, I think, becuase it makes me suspect that they will find what I have cooked does not match up to it .

Definitely don't mind if whatever they bring is Tesco half price.

OP, I think you are being a tiny bit U, but do understand where you are coming from. I have felt slightly miffed before when people have turned up for dinner (which I have spent hours cooking) wearing what are essentially gardening clothes, which is probably actually worse .

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/03/2010 17:51

Hmmm, I may have over-used the word "odd" in my previous post...