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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it slightly stingy for a couple to bring *one* bottle of Tesco half-price wine with them when invited to dinner?

151 replies

oliviacrumble · 05/03/2010 22:38

Recently had a dinner-party (went to lots of effort, lovely food, lots of wine, blah blah). Two couples came bearing a bottle each of that weeks Tesco half-price offer (plus in one case a bar of chocolate), then proceeded to drink the house dry, in one couples case til 3am. Please don't get me wrong, am def not the penny-pinching hostess, and most certainly will always keep the drink flowing, just thought it a little mean.Maybe the fact that there was a slight element of "duty" involved, ie returning hospitality to guests has coloured my view. If dh and i are invited anywhere, would always bring two bottles. Is one (cheap) bottle per couple the new black?

OP posts:
Casserole · 06/03/2010 17:34

Someone once bought a bottle of wine with them to my house that was opened and had two glasses already taken out of it!!

elliott · 06/03/2010 17:49

I'm going to add my vote to those at the idea that drinking a bottle of wine per person in an evening is normal. No wonder alcohol related deaths are rising exponentially.
I am in my mid 40s and have never taken more than 1 bottle per couple to dinner at friends, and never received more either. And we wouldn't even usually drink as much as that.
But then its a very long time since I stayed up till 3am too - so many years of being woken at 6.30...

gaelicsheep · 06/03/2010 20:35

I think the rudest thing of all is to bring with you a bottle (or two) of wine (or anything else) that you expect to drink that evening. The choice of wine is the hostess's and your wine is a gesture of thanks, no more. As for taking back anything that hasn't been drunk - I'd be appalled if anyone did that.

Georgimama · 06/03/2010 20:39

When we lived in Scotland my parents went to a New Year's party, and were stunned to find that everyone drank the bottle they had brought themselves, and if they hadn't finished it, took it home afterwards.

AnnieLobeseder · 06/03/2010 20:42

YABVU. I would never think to bring more than one bottle of wine, and this week's half-price offer is all I ever buy!

You invited them over to partake of your hospitality. How ungrateful you are!

Buda · 06/03/2010 20:59

I would sometimes bring 2 bottles but that does not mean that dh and I would expect to drink a bottle each. I bring wine as a gift for the hosts to drink at their leisure. Don't get this way of thinking that you are taking one bottle of wine between two. You are taking a gift for your host and hostess from you as a couple.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:13

YABU - I only take one bottle of wine with me to a dinner party. Stingy me then

Hullygully · 06/03/2010 21:15

Meany pants

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:15

Georgiemama that's totally normal and acceptable behaviour in Scotland. not just at New Year but all year round... people bring their own bottle with them to a party because that's their choice of drink.

blametheparents · 06/03/2010 21:21

I would always take a nice bottle of wine, and then another gift too - maybe flowers or posh chocolates.
It costs a lot to have friends over, it is surprising I always think, how much it adds up and so I like to take at least a couple of things.
If I have spoken the friend hosting beforehand then I will often offer to make and take dessert. Would still take a nice bottle of wine though.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:25

and it's also common in Scotland (well the part I'm from anyway!) to take your choice of drinks with you to a friends party and if some of them were not opened or used, take them back home with you again. We wouldn't be offended if this happened at a party of ours or if we did this to our friends - it's just something that we do here, and it's not really thought about as being rude.

Georgimama · 06/03/2010 21:29

Well to a bunch of sassernacks it seemed decidedly odd behaviour. You might as well as go to a pub and just buy your own drinks.

WilfSell · 06/03/2010 21:29

The reason they bring a bottle is a gift to you, not a contribution to the cost of the evening. But as such, you rightly expect reciprocation, so basically what goes around comes around. But if you want to be a nice person, you will always act generously: ie take appropriate gifts to your friends, but don't judge them on what they bring to you.

That is what friendship is about.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:32

georgimama it's like a custom and it's acceptable here so people aren't offended but it obviously gets your back up!

we also can take drinks to someone's house as a token too,which I do normally anyway esp if they've went to a lot of trouble preparing a nice meal or buffet.

gaelicsheep · 06/03/2010 21:32

I'm in Scotland and it would not be acceptable to me. It's downright ill mannered.

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:33

it's certainly not odd if you're Scottish!

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:34

as I said already, it obviously depends what region you are from. the area I am from, it's not really seen as rude gaelicsheep.

gaelicsheep · 06/03/2010 21:34

There is also an unspoken rule between us and our good friends that we don't take anything, as the meal will be reciprocated before too long.

Georgimama · 06/03/2010 21:34

It didn't get my back up. I was five. My mother thought it was strange. Now I think about it, it sounds odd to me too. I can just picture everyone stood about clutching their own little bottle, warily eyeing other merrymakers unless they make a grab for it. Weird.

assumetheposition · 06/03/2010 21:36

Some friends once bought a bottle round that they had drunk half of the night before.

DH was so enraged he could barely speak for the whole evening.

gaelicsheep · 06/03/2010 21:36

I tell you, moving to Scotland is like emigrating.

porcamiseria · 06/03/2010 21:36

have thought about this, and YANBU (well maybe a bit) purely cos if I knew I was intending to go to someones house and get bladdered I'd take 2 bottles

However in some cultures you are not expected to bring anything

Once I went to a BBQ and was asked to bring meat, and pudding. WTF!!! that annoyed me

maybe avoid socialising with people that annoy you, life is too short.....

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:40

tbh, when I talk about bottles that you'd take to a friend's house I mean spirits usually. for example, one couple we know came up to stay the evening, we'd had a BBQ and they'd brought some spirits/liquors they'd bought that day at the farmers market near where they live. So we all have a shot of this and a shot of that, but they took the bottles away with them. There were several bottles and I doubt DH and myself would be able to get through them on our own anyway if they had left them!!

lovechoc · 06/03/2010 21:41

I don't know any different, gaelicsheep I've always lived in Scotland.

gaelicsheep · 06/03/2010 21:43

I generally only socialise with people I know really well so we're all on the same wavelength and you don't get this kind of misunderstanding. I actually think that if you're bothered at all by what people do then they're clearly not really friends and you'd be better off saving yourself the hassle and not inviting them round at all.

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