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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it slightly stingy for a couple to bring *one* bottle of Tesco half-price wine with them when invited to dinner?

151 replies

oliviacrumble · 05/03/2010 22:38

Recently had a dinner-party (went to lots of effort, lovely food, lots of wine, blah blah). Two couples came bearing a bottle each of that weeks Tesco half-price offer (plus in one case a bar of chocolate), then proceeded to drink the house dry, in one couples case til 3am. Please don't get me wrong, am def not the penny-pinching hostess, and most certainly will always keep the drink flowing, just thought it a little mean.Maybe the fact that there was a slight element of "duty" involved, ie returning hospitality to guests has coloured my view. If dh and i are invited anywhere, would always bring two bottles. Is one (cheap) bottle per couple the new black?

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 06/03/2010 06:33

I don't know about Paris but in this part of France you wouldn't take wine or any form of booze at all to dinner.

We would usually take/be given a gift such as flowers as a token of appreciation.

However, we have a group of mostly male friends who are at that stage in between student and family man who come to stay for the weekend and they bring copious amounts of beer, cola and biscuits because they know that they consume far more of that kind of thing than we do!

ProfYaffle · 06/03/2010 06:44

I'm not exactly big on the 'dinner party' scene but I thought bringing a bottle with you on the evening was a token gift and you repay hospitality by returning the invite and hosting at a later date.

TreeTrunkThighs · 06/03/2010 06:51

No, stingy is bringing one bottle, drinking til 3am then, spotting that the bottle they'd brought hadn't been drunk, taking it home again . Honestly!

Georgimama · 06/03/2010 06:52

I always thought that if you took a bottle of wine (which is completely normal) to a dinner at friends it was slightly odd if they actually opened it.

Unless it was champagne or something and a specific celebration was intended and they pressed me to open it, the bottle they brought would go in the cupboard/fridge for me and DH. I would have already planned the drinks around the food and bought them myself.

nighbynight · 06/03/2010 07:15

I would be a bit taken aback by guests who arrived bearing quantities of wine and then proceeded to drink it all.

Would prefer a couple who brought one bottle between them, and didn't drink much!

expatinscotland · 06/03/2010 07:17

How did they get home? Hope they didn't drive.

Why on Earth host if you're of the sort who entally tabulates the cost of the guests' gift?

Why not just open a restaurant?

Sparkletastic · 06/03/2010 07:26

We always take 2 bottles - one sparkly and one red or white. DH and I like a shedload few glasses on the rare occasions we go out, as do our friends. Fine to bring one bottle if you aren't drinking or only having one, otherwise it is a tad stingy. Dinner parties can be massively expensive and everyone is more inclined to have them if the spirit of generosity prevails amongst both hosts and guests

piscesmoon · 06/03/2010 07:27

I wouldn't bother inviting people if you are going to have expectations, or fuss, about what they bring.

oldenglishspangles · 06/03/2010 07:28

YABU - agree with profyaffle 'its a 'token' (- Great name - Bagpuss still gives me warm fluffy feelings now) The reality is that you are often going to drink more wine than you have brought with you. Are you friends stingy by any chance - is that the real issue.

Goblinchild · 06/03/2010 07:41

When we go to dinner parties, we bring one good bottle between us.
When I go to a friend's house intending to get pissed, I bring a bottle. OH doesn't go to that sort of thing at all.

bluejeans · 06/03/2010 07:51

Agree it's a celtic thing! I'm Scottish and generally if people are coming round for a meal and planning to drink they will bring multiple bottles

We had a party last summer and bought in enough wine/ber/vodka for all our guests but everyone brought booze - we ended up with enough to last til Christmas! Nobody takes unused drink home though

taffetacat · 06/03/2010 08:01

What gets me is when someone brings a bottle and makes a big deal about it - waits for a gap in conversation to "present" it, holds it lovingly ( has difficulty letting it go ) and then tells you all about it - its vintage, where they last drank it etc etc yawn yawn.

Mostly I don't notice what people bring, I am more interested in them. We had a big party for the neighbours before Christmas, and the only tokens I remember are the neighbours opposite who we really like but haven't been round before. They drank loads, were really good company, stayed forever and brought lots of wine and flowers. No idea about the other 20 odd people, but they were all pretty smashed, which was nice.

So, really its a bit of a vote here.

geordieminx · 06/03/2010 08:08

1 bottle + chocs/flowers/desert/small gift

DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING UNOPENED WINE HOME!

bellissima · 06/03/2010 08:19

In Brussels you would never take wine - the hosts would know and stock whatever wine would go with the food. You take flowers - carefully chosen (and always carried upside down!). Friends in Paris say the same thing.

Here DH and I would take one bottle between us. Just how much does the OP need to get through an evening?

Buda · 06/03/2010 08:19

We host and go to lots of dinner parties. Have been on receiving end of multiple bottles and flowers and chocs and candles and a couple of times apologies as the guests have walked off without picking up whatever it was they were bringing. Have thankfully never been on receiving end of a guest taking their unopened wine back! That is rude and stingy and they would not be invited back.

When hosting I buy in enough wine that we can drink the same throughout the meal. I hate having different wines - always get a headache. So when guest bring wine it would only be opened if we ran out of what I bought or if they specifically asked. One time a good friend brought a particular Portugese wine that they loved having lived in Portugal and he wanted us all to try it so we opened it then. Often people will bring champagne and I will usually open that before dinner for whoever wants it.

When going to a dinner party we sometimes bring one bottle, sometimes two. Sometimes chocolates as well or flowers or nice candles.

I once received an old iron as a hostess gift!!! Were living in Bulgaria and had been out in car with office manager from dh's office and we passed an antiques Market and I spotted a stall selling antique irons and I commented that I must go back one day and buy one. Guy replied that he would come with me as he would get a better price being Bulgarian. - left it at that but then had him and his wife over for dinner the following week and he told her he would get hostess gift. She thought it was odd and even more odd when he appeared with the iron! But I loved it.

bellissima · 06/03/2010 08:23

Oh - the other continental thing is to take a little dessert 'cake' - always bought from a patisserie and wrapped with lots of ribbon. My problem with those is that they are disgustingly sickly - not so much 'cake' as foam - in fact they remind me of 'the airline pudding'. Often consumed with a glass of champagne that is not quite 'brut' enough for me - in fact this course is, as far as I'm concerned, the downside of the continental dinner party.

sarah293 · 06/03/2010 08:27

This reply has been deleted

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Megatron · 06/03/2010 08:40

YABU (but you already know that ) I don't think it's anything to do with where people are from either. I'm Scottish, lived in Ireland for 10 years, now live in England and it's pretty much been the same wherever I've been. If we're going to someone's house for dinner we usually take a bottle of wine and some flowers/chocs and if we're having people for dinner we get the booze in. I don't EXPECT people to bring something but most people do, but I don't ask people round just to see what they'll bring! If we're going to a party I would always take more because it's likely to be a tad less 'civilised' if you will.

FairyTrucker · 06/03/2010 08:51

The British drink as much as the Irish. The statistics bear that up. Plus, I used to live in the UK and I certainly didn't notice any difference in people's drinking patterns. Mothers in their 30s tended to slow down a bit in both countries.

I am Irish. I am single more to the point when it comes to dinner parties so I don't get to go to them anymore. C'est la vie. I take a bottle of wine and a bottle of Schloer (or similar) when I go to somebody's house to eat though.

But unless somebody has asked you to bring a salad or a dessert, then they will have the food all sorted out.

lovelypairplease · 06/03/2010 10:12

YABU, its a dinner party not a BYO booze students house party"

hope you had a fun night anyway an enjoyed the company of your friends which is the point of hosting i would think!

expatinscotland · 06/03/2010 10:42

OMG, people bring a bottle of wine and then take it back if it's not opened?!

Now that is flaming rude.

I thought the point was to bring the hosts a gift, not BYO.

I never brought wine even when I drank loads of it because I know people are quite particular about what wine they enjoy.

I usually brought flowers or some other small gift I thought the host/hostess might like - a box of incense (if I knew they liked it), a plant, a few bars of a chocolate they like with a ribbon round it, etc.

verytellytubby · 06/03/2010 10:53

I always take a bottle of white and a bottle of red. Don't expect guests to bring more than a bottle but it's nice when they do . I wouldn't notice if the wine was on offer or not. I only buy one on offer!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/03/2010 11:01

We bring one bottle to a dinner party, but we wouldn't stay till 3am getting pissed! I expect people to bring a bottle (one per couple, usually) to my dinner parties but I don't care if they don't, it's just usual.

I did mind the other month when we brought a really nice bottle we'd been cellaring for a few years to a party, discovered that the hostess was pregnant, the host didn't like wine, and 3 of the other 4 guests were driving, so not only did our bottle not get opened but I bet the couple still have it at their house, not realising it's nice.

Only because I'd have liked a glass of it after looking forward to tasting it, and they're not "wine people" so it'll probably get passed on to people we don't even know.

But you can't take them home, that's beyond rude!

TheProvincialLady · 06/03/2010 11:09

We always take a gift to the hosts if invited for dinner, but when we host dinner parties or entertainment of any sort we expect nothing except the company of the guests. If you expect payment in kind for your hospitality then it is only reasonable to expect guests with poor manners too IMO.

Buda · 06/03/2010 11:11

Tortoiseonthehalfshell - lesson there is not to bring wine you want to drink. Taking wine to a dinner party is not for you to drink. It is a gift of thanks for being invited. You do not have to take wine, it is just usually what people take.