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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My H's XP has named her child the same as our son

90 replies

tartyhighheels · 04/03/2010 08:13

OMFG - my H has just told me that he got an email last night from his French XP saying that her newborn son has been named Lucien - our 15 month old son is named Lucian.

Given the plethora of names available to this highly educated woman, WTF is she doing nicking our name????? She did remark at the time what a nice name it was but this is ridiculous. This is an unusual name here a bit more common in France but in hardly common use.

I am so angry about this. I think I want to actually send her an email and say something (although thinking maybe not a good idea.......)

OP posts:
Adair · 04/03/2010 08:15

Hmm... understand a bit weird.

But you know really, you didn't inVENT Lucien/Lucian. So YABU a bit.

Try to be flattered - she likes your style

belgo · 04/03/2010 08:15

She's in France and you're in the UK?

Get over it.

Bucharest · 04/03/2010 08:16

She hasn't nicked your name.

Is your partner this child's father? That would make it odd, but I'm presuming he isn't?

At least she spelled it right.

You need to get a grip I'm afraid. You're hardly likely to meet her at family parties, are you?

Original poster
tartyhighheels · 04/03/2010 08:18

Adair - hmmm i wish i could be - i have already had a massive strop about it this morning.... aware we didn't invent it but it creeps me out rather than flatters.

OP posts:
thisisnotwhoyouthink · 04/03/2010 08:18

how odd...

nulgirl · 04/03/2010 08:19

Does your dh have kids with his ex partner? If so surely the kids would have 2 brothers called Lucian. That would be wierd and inappropriate.

If they don't have kids together then its not so much of a big deal as surely you won't have any dealings with her especially as she lives in France

Original poster
tartyhighheels · 04/03/2010 08:19

Actually we do meet up so I feel a bit odd about it - and both spellings are correct.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 04/03/2010 08:20

The only thing I'd find odd tbh is that my husband and his ex feel the need to be in contact with each other.

belgo · 04/03/2010 08:20

Why are you still in contact with this woman? I find that more odd tbh.

belgo · 04/03/2010 08:21

x-posts there!

Morloth · 04/03/2010 08:23

It is a bit odd, but also incredibly popular ATM. It was on our shortlist and I know of two other baby Lucian's around.

Vivia · 04/03/2010 08:23

She spelt it right, you didn't.

Maybe your DH and his ex when they were together discussed the name Lucien and liked it. Then he met you and used it. Then she used it too?

So what? You're an entire country away and you don't own the name. Besides, the name's French, she's French: if anything you nicked her name!

Just enjoy your family and get a grip.

nickschick · 04/03/2010 08:23

My dhs ex wife called her cat the same name as ds2.

Bucharest · 04/03/2010 08:23

My dp has 5 nephews all called Antonio. Strangely, because their parents have lives, they are not all at each other's throats throwing hissy fits about my name.

Original poster
tartyhighheels · 04/03/2010 08:23

She is friends with my H - when she comes to Lomdon, they or we have lunch and we have a house in France and meet up sometimes too. I really have no problem with her still being friends with H, he is chummy with most of his exs (which i see as a good sign). Just find this really strange THB - really unexpected and uncomfy.

OP posts:
Original poster
tartyhighheels · 04/03/2010 08:26

As i said both spellings are correct - Lucian tends to be used in Germany, Lucien in France. I wonder if Lucian Freud knows his name is spelt wrong????

nickschick - lol

OP posts:
Adair · 04/03/2010 08:28

I don't think you are unreasonable to feel a bit funny about it, at all. Most people avoid names of family/friends.

But you need to try and be the bigger person here, and get over it cos she has done nothing actually wrong. And Lucian might have another one in his class anyway (my Aphra has a friend called Aphra ), you get used to it.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2010 08:29

I don't see the problem, tbh.

It's not a domain name.

The kid's not his, he moved on, she moved on.

QuestionsAnswered · 04/03/2010 08:31

YANBU

Nothing you can do about it, but it is a bit weird for her to choose it.

EndangeredSpecies · 04/03/2010 08:32

Not odd but warped, calculating, possessive, territorial, "whatever you've got I've got" and very very immature.

You're quite right to be creeped out. She's obviously doing it because she can't stand the fact that you are now with her XH, so she's given him the same name so your H will think of the name Lucien and always be reminded that there is another one.

Of course, she will rebut any attacks by accusing you of being egotistic and saying that she has the right to choose any name she likes. Get her out of your life ASAP.

Bucharest · 04/03/2010 08:34

Actually, I would be getting her tout de suite out of my husband's life.

BitOfFun · 04/03/2010 08:35

Are you the one who insisted on Loo-shan from the PILs and had a massive tantrum because they kept saying Lucy-en? Are you starting to wish he was called John?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 04/03/2010 08:37

Dont overthink it. It is a name. She liked it. She gave it to her child. She probably did not give your child a second thought when naming her baby.

If anything, you nicked the name from me (albeit with "incorrect spelling"), because MY son is nearly 5!!! How very dare you!

Bucharest · 04/03/2010 08:37

I really like John.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 04/03/2010 08:38

And when the two kids meet, they may not even click on to the fact that their two names are spelt nearly the same, as they would be pronounced quite different when addressed in their native tongues.