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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry at baby massage teacher ....grrrrrrr

117 replies

mosschops30 · 03/03/2010 17:02

I went to baby massage today with ds2, I took ds1 when he was little and it was great and I made some good friends.
Its in a birthing centre which shouldnt make any difference to what Im going to say.

We all had to go round the room and say our names, babys names etc and then she said 'how are you feeding' and added 'og but its doesnt matter, it really makes no difference' several times, therefore clearly indicating that it made a difference, as there is everything handy there for both bf and ff mums.
Then she went on to say that the two of us that were bottle feeding may be missing out on the bonding that the other mothers have got with their babies and that the massage should help us get closer because we probably havent bonded as well as bf mums WTF?????

I was about to say something as she asked the other ff mother if she had attempted to bf, and the poor new mum (1st baby) said shyly that she had tried but just couldnt get on.

Im sooo fucking angry about this, she didnt ask me, probably because she could see the look on my face, I might tell her next week the reason why I didnt continue to bf and shut her up.

Im angry and feel sorry for other mum and how she must have felt, Im on dc3 so couldnt give a flying you know what now really what people say to me.
The others mums looked a bit too and a bit uncomfortable tbh

OP posts:
sentia · 04/10/2016 09:15

I think the most annoying thing about her comment is the implication that there is ONE WAY to look after a baby properly. Which is demonstrably bollocks - the human race hasn't overpopulated the planet by being delicate.

SoupDragon · 04/10/2016 09:20

ZOMBIE THREAD

The baby in the OP is now SIX.

scarednoob · 04/10/2016 09:27

oh crap, the zombie ate my brain :(

sentia · 04/10/2016 09:27

Oops Blush

FleurThomas · 04/10/2016 09:29

YANBU. I'm going to go one step further and say mums bond better with babies when they don't get thrust into pnd caused by painful/difficult/nightmarish birth and bf experiences.

Eyedrophell · 04/10/2016 09:40

I didn't feed DS1 past 3 weeks, I had Pnd (made a whole lot worse by being utterly miserable feeding him and both him and me crying throughout every feed)and if I had plucked up the courage to go to a baby group then a comment like that would have devastated me.

Point it out politely.

Callipygian · 04/10/2016 09:42

Aside from whether it was relevant during a baby massage class.. Depending on your definition of bonding she could actually be right:

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080717201854.htm

As someone who breastfed her first child, and is desperately trying to breastfeed her second, I do get annoyed with people who say that formula is just as good, because it isn't.

Lower chance of SIDS, less infections, less visits to the doctor, lower chance of type 2 diabetes, less chance of obesity, less chance of cardiovascular disease as an adult etc

Let's not make it taboo to talk about the benefits of breastfeeding in case we upset the mothers who formula feed.

Lostwithinthehills · 04/10/2016 09:44

YANBU. I feel angry just reading your post. I had every intention of BF, I was fully committed to it prior to giving birth to the extent that I had no bottles, formula or other equipment. Post birth it became obvious that it was physically impossible for me to BF and I was devastated. I felt that I was feeding poison to my baby when I turned to FF (having done an emergency dash to Boots to buy all the equipment after I left hospital). I also felt extremely embarrassed when I FF in front of my new-mother friends, who all BF.

Despite that I can not imagine that I could have bonded with my baby any more than I did. We had lots of skin to skin time, every time I fed her it was an intimate time.

If any person who did not know me had lectured me about not bonding with my baby because of how I was feeding her I would have felt angry, yet devastated.

I really enjoyed doing baby massage classes and I liked the group leader, who only ever focused on the massage.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 09:46

ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!
ZOMBIE THREAD!

Can't believe someone said to complain to the baby centre. Probably a bit late 6 years down the line....

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 09:47

And I'm sure the OP got over it....

Lostwithinthehills · 04/10/2016 09:47

Gah! Didn't see a warning and didn't check the date. Feel silly now.

CotswoldStrife · 04/10/2016 10:02

I would complain about that tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if the other mum doesn't turn up at all to the next session. YANBU.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 10:03

What part of 'it was six years ago' are you struggling with? Grin

CotswoldStrife · 04/10/2016 10:03

There may still be time to cancel the cheque though Grin

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2016 10:06

The kids are probably all enjoying a staple diet of McDonalds and KFC nowadays Grin

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2016 10:23

YANBU. She was totally out of order, and talking bullshit into the bargain.

(My ante-natal teacher denounced me in front of the whole class for having a planned c-section. I was not impressed.)

PurpleDaisies · 04/10/2016 10:24

You can tell who doesn't bother to read the thread before posting...

ZOMBIE ALERT

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2016 10:25

Argh - just contributed to a zombie thread!

Anyway, OP, I hope you and your, er, 6-year-old are having a lovely life.

(Though this discussion might be useful for others.)

Allthewaves · 04/10/2016 10:29

I had horrible pnd and attachment issues with dc1and he was bf for 6 wks. I bf dc2 for 8 months exclusively and I still had attachment issues and pnd.

HanYOLO · 04/10/2016 10:47

Most women who give up BF earlier than planned do so with a great deal of sadness and upset. They could do without smug twats rubbing their nose in it.

^this.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 10:55

DOES NOBODY BOTHER READING THE THREAD?

If someone wants to start their own bf/ff bunfight then by all means do but this thread is 6 years old!!

GrinGrinGrin

ohtheholidays · 04/10/2016 11:23

What a Dickish thing to say and I say that as someone who has breastfed my 5DC and helped get breast feeding councelling set up in SureStart centers and helped a friend to get the hang of breastfeeding her first DC.

I would never ever speak to someone like that about how they've chosen to feed they're baby,it's a very personal choice and no one and I mean no one has the right to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't be doing and no one has the bloody right to judge anyone else over that choice!

Having a baby is the single hardest thing emotionally,mentally,physically that any women can ever go through the fact that another women that's had a child would judge another women over the way she's feeding her baby is disgusting!

PurpleDaisies · 04/10/2016 11:23

Read all the thread ohtheholidays?

ohtheholidays · 04/10/2016 11:24

Bollocks,sorry I only read the first page Blush

NaturalRBF · 04/10/2016 11:27

Women knocking the shit out of other women for reasons they know nothing about.

Tell her that her holistic approach needs to be refined to encompass the mental well being of her clumsy and dangerous words.

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