To be really angry at baby massage teacher ....grrrrrrr

[mosschops30]

I went to baby massage today with ds2, I took ds1 when he was little and it was great and I made some good friends.
Its in a birthing centre which shouldnt make any difference to what Im going to say.

We all had to go round the room and say our names, babys names etc and then she said 'how are you feeding' and added 'og but its doesnt matter, it really makes no difference' several times, therefore clearly indicating that it made a difference, as there is everything handy there for both bf and ff mums.
Then she went on to say that the two of us that were bottle feeding may be missing out on the bonding that the other mothers have got with their babies and that the massage should help us get closer because we probably havent bonded as well as bf mums WTF?????

I was about to say something as she asked the other ff mother if she had attempted to bf, and the poor new mum (1st baby) said shyly that she had tried but just couldnt get on.

Im sooo fucking angry about this, she didnt ask me, probably because she could see the look on my face, I might tell her next week the reason why I didnt continue to bf and shut her up.

Im angry and feel sorry for other mum and how she must have felt, Im on dc3 so couldnt give a flying you know what now really what people say to me.
The others mums looked a bit too and a bit uncomfortable tbh

[StealthPolarBear]

i didn't do baby massage with dd, maybre i haven't bonded

[GladioliBuckets]

Paisleyleaf I think that's unlikely, people don't go to these classes to remedy a problem, they usually go because it's trendy and they want to make new friends.

Bonding problems are more likely due to Post Natal Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to traumatic birth experience, often misdiagnosed as PND.

[JeremyVile]

No, no! All of you who ff AND bonded, dont go saying such things.
Do you not understand that this woman will have read books about this and everything??

She knows her stuff and thats that. There's no need for actual experience. Pah.

[JeremyVile]

..and anyway, mothers who ff often need to be reminded to actually touch their babies.
Thats where the problems stem from.

I used to give ds his bottle on the end of one of thos grabber things that street cleaners use.

[paisleyleaf]

Gladioli, I don't mean the mum's have gone to remedy any problem.

[kittyonthebeam]

Patronising and judgmental cow.

YANBU

I would have probably been too overwhelmed to speak at first but I'd pull her up on it next week and would also speak to the birthing centre boss and complain about her attitude.

That poor first time mum could have well been me and I really cannot stand women who judge other women for how they feed their infants. Each to their own ways. Sometimes what's best for the baby may not be best for the mum resulting in an unhappy mummy and a tense child. Live and let live!

[kittyonthebeam]

LOL at JV..

[porcamiseria]

FUCKING BF NAZIS!!!!
and I BF myself..(sigh)... but in a massage class that thats bang out of order

[Casmama]

I think this teacher was being insensitive and what she said was inappropriate. It would be worth saying to her at the next class that you were offended and don't think it appropriate that she asks clients that in the future as she was derrogatory towards ff mums. However, you don't know what her basis for saying this is. Perhaps she was unable to bf so ff and unrelatedly didn't bond well with her child and used baby massage as a way to help her bond. Just a possibility.
I think she probably was just trying to say that baby massage is a really good way to strengthen the bond between all mums and babies.

[CloudDragon]

god I bf AND did massage and it took me ages to bond with DS2 I must be a freak

[ILovePlayingDarts]

If a baby is being ff, it may have nothing whatever to do with a mother's attempts or not. After all, a friend of mine ff'd her baby, as she had been diagnosed (young) with breast cancer, and had a double mastectomy...

Try bfing baby then!!!

The woman needs to be helped that her questions and comments may not be suitable. I'm actually sure that if these comments had been made in the presence of my friend, she would not have been able to prevent herself from saying something.

[mazzystartled]

YANBU

She probably had the best of intentions but went about it in a cackhanded way

Have a word, mosschops

[5inthebed]

YANBU, she was being insensitive by trying to make those of you who FF look like uncaring mothers. Your baby, your choice, it has nothing to do with her how you feed your baby.

MrsWobble, YABU to use the term "falling in love hormones".

[junglist1]

how dare she do that, especially the singling out

[ImSoNotTelling]

YANBU.

What about any women there who BF and didn;t feel mega bonded? Going to make them feel crap as well as the FFers.

"Falling in love hormones" well mine obviously aren't working. I hate this "onesize fits all" shite.

[paisleyleaf]

See while I do agree that she was clumsy in the way she tried to say that babies fed with a bottle may get a lot out of the contact with massage (obviously all babies would no doubt enjoy the contact).
I wouldn't bat an eyelid at birth centre staff asking if had tried breastfeeding, and having an interest in what led me to the choices I made or any problems or lacking support.
I must be missing something.

[ImSoNotTelling]

"Then she went on to say that the two of us that were bottle feeding may be missing out on the bonding that the other mothers have got with their babies and that the massage should help us get closer because we probably havent bonded as well as bf mums"

People honestly can't see anything wrong with a course leader singling a couple of women out in a group situation (unrelated to BF or FF) and saying this to them?

Amazing.

[spongebrainbigpants]

paisleyleaf, you're lucky then - clearly no issues for you around feeding. But you only have to read these boards to know that many many women have huge issues about why they didn't/couldn't bf and to be asked to justify that in public in front of people they didn't know is totally out of order.

[paisleyleaf]

Yep, that is the bit where I feel she didn't speak very well.

[MrsPixie]

That is fucking outrageous actually - I would be very vocal in my complaint to her face and not set foot in there again.

YANBU at all

[spongebrainbigpants]

She shouldn't have said any of it!

No need to even mention feeding - just say that skin to skin contact is great for bonding with your baby and that massage creates that, and leave it there.

[SloanyPony]

If she's pissing people off, paying customers, then she's wrong, and for that reason, and that reason alone, YANBU.

Particularly when it wasn't just the FF mums squirming on their asses.

[CaptianPicardsPineapple]

WOW! I am utterly appalled by what she said. I am a baby massage instructor and I have a certain Hot Topic List of subjects I like to avoid in any discussions we might have in class and one I would NEVER initiate is breast versus bottle.

I have also just been employed by the NHS to try and up breastfeeding rates in a certain area but I would NEVER single out any mum like this, she should be ashamed of herself, I am ashamed for her.

What association is she from? If I were you I would take a complaint as far as I could. If she is from the same association as me she will have been trained not to do this and should be severely reprimanded, it's totally unacceptable.

[TheCrackFox]

Please say something. Most women who give up BF earlier than planned do so with a great deal of sadness and upset. They could do without smug twats rubbing their nose in it.

I FF DS1 and BF DS2 FWIW I have bonded with both of them just fine.

I would be amazed if the other mother turns up next week.

[faddle]

YANBU!
AS a certified member of the milk maffia myself I'm pretty passionate about breastfeeding, BUT in a baby massage class to ask mums how they are feeding is innapropriate and just plain insensitive, and frankly its none of her, or anyone elses bloody business!