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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really angry at baby massage teacher ....grrrrrrr

117 replies

mosschops30 · 03/03/2010 17:02

I went to baby massage today with ds2, I took ds1 when he was little and it was great and I made some good friends.
Its in a birthing centre which shouldnt make any difference to what Im going to say.

We all had to go round the room and say our names, babys names etc and then she said 'how are you feeding' and added 'og but its doesnt matter, it really makes no difference' several times, therefore clearly indicating that it made a difference, as there is everything handy there for both bf and ff mums.
Then she went on to say that the two of us that were bottle feeding may be missing out on the bonding that the other mothers have got with their babies and that the massage should help us get closer because we probably havent bonded as well as bf mums WTF?????

I was about to say something as she asked the other ff mother if she had attempted to bf, and the poor new mum (1st baby) said shyly that she had tried but just couldnt get on.

Im sooo fucking angry about this, she didnt ask me, probably because she could see the look on my face, I might tell her next week the reason why I didnt continue to bf and shut her up.

Im angry and feel sorry for other mum and how she must have felt, Im on dc3 so couldnt give a flying you know what now really what people say to me.
The others mums looked a bit too and a bit uncomfortable tbh

OP posts:

bernadetteoflourdes · 03/03/2010 18:34

Jermyvile grabber thing. Bloody funny!

JosieZ · 03/03/2010 18:44

You could complain to the owners of the place where it is taking place. If she complains that you didn't voice your concerns to her you could point out that she did not invite your views on formula feeding but singled out the other mother for her views.

It definitely seems wrong of her to flag up breast feeders /ffeeders then to comment on it. Surely everyone knows it is a touchy subject.

signed
a not very successful breast feeder

Original poster

mosschops30 · 03/03/2010 18:48

Some great comments here, and just goes to prove how out of line she was.

FWIW I honestly dont think she meant anything by it, but I really dont see the need to know how we're feeding or for anyone to say that one person bonds better than the other . And yes how does she know why that mother didnt bf, she may well have had a mastectomy, or she may just have been unable to, but either way it doesnt matter, its no one elses business

its a free course so havent paid.

i will have a quiet word next wk, and hopefully be able to speak to the other mum in private.

OP posts:

coffeeaddict · 03/03/2010 19:53

Definitely say something. I would have been livid!! Let's hope the other poor mum wasn't a sensitive type on the brink of PND who had struggled to make the class to boost her spirits... or anything...

Anyway, how does she know who's having what skin contact? What's to say you're not ff in the nude with your baby clasped to you at all times of day? Whereas you can bf with minimal skin contact, in a cafe, talking to your mates and not giving the baby a second glance.

These generalisations are ridiculous.

cupofcoffee · 03/03/2010 20:01

YANBU. FWIW I didnt bond quickly with ds1 even though I was managing the BF ok, because being unwell and tired after long labour and large blood loss. The comment she made would probably have upset me at that time.

wannaBe · 03/03/2010 20:10

who does she report to? Because I would make a complaint personally.

And "falling in love hormones" what a load of bullshit.

Given that only 21% of women are still bf at six months there must be an awful lot of unbonded babies out there.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 03/03/2010 20:19

Out of order... her not you. It seems common tho... A friend went to a session and they had an oral hygienist there who proceeded to offend everyone! She complained about the babies (all under 1), making noise... stared at a woman BFing, told mums who use bottles past 6mths off, said that bottles were better than breast because they could be weaned off of sooner, and that you only needed to bf to 6mths and longer damages the teeth! She was roundly condemned tho... sometimes people NEED to be told they have stepped out of line.

I agree with someone wh said she was probably trying to say that massage with baby helped to release the same hormones in mum (and baby) that bfing does... just in a very very clumsy way. I found it very hard to bond with ds, bfing was very hard and painful and I had to tell myself I loved my baby, and that he WAS mine (think I may have had PSTD rather than the PND they diagnosed me with). DD was a different kettle of fish... I felt that rush of emotion I never experienced with DS... I still got PND, and actually it was worse, even tho BF was successful. The woman would have made me cry!

NeedLawadvice · 03/03/2010 20:19

YANBU how dare she suggest such a thing, smugness at it's worst!

SloanyPony · 03/03/2010 20:25

For all you know she may have been a "failed" breastfeeder herself who found baby massage enough of an antidote that she decided to teach it.

But still inappropriate.

littlesez · 03/03/2010 20:33

Is it run by a HV? Ours was and she told us that they have certain things they had to cover with us like health promotion and stuff. She said it was how they received funding to enable to be free. Not that I agree with what she said.

Ours talked about BF a lot and also made innapropriate comments too. She said "Im all for BF but when they are past a certain age its just wrong, when they are old enough to ask for it they are too old"

so maybe its a theme if you teach baby massage your entitled to make weird comments about feeding!

expatinscotland · 03/03/2010 20:34

I'd have told her the reason why - I remember your story, moss - and then said something like, 'I hope in the future you'll consider how much comments like yours can really hurt someone's feelings.'

expatinscotland · 03/03/2010 20:38

Falling in love hormones.

I've heard it all now.

hogshead · 03/03/2010 20:42

I dont really like this whole going round the room introducing yourself - (although i guess it has to be done) It reminds of Blind Date and Cilla Black " well hello number one whats ya name and where do you come from??"

the trouble is you dont know why people aren't bf - what if this other mum's baby is adopted and she didnt want to disclose that to a load of strangers? or on medication? or plenty of other reasons?

There are plenty of other `ice breakers' she could have chosen that arent quite so emotive

cory · 03/03/2010 20:42

Trying to work out how these falling in love hormones work for adults. I mean, a fair few of us have actually managed the falling in love bit before we were pressed against somebody's naked flesh iyswim.

ImSoNotTelling · 03/03/2010 20:45

Speak for yourself cory

flowerybeanbag · 03/03/2010 20:49

YANBU. I'd write and then not go back either.

Bluebell2016 · 04/10/2016 08:39

I agree this was very insensitive. I am a Baby massage instructor and I would never make a distinction between bottle or breast feeding mothers and would encourage close feeding. I remember whenI had my first baby another mother having her baby lay on the bed beside her whilst she fed him form a bottle at a distance !! She was reading magazine and drinking a cup of coffee with the other hand!! Bottle fed babies can be fed close to the breast, skin to skin it you like, and can feel loved and cuddled just as much as breast fed babies.

allegretto · 04/10/2016 08:46

Yanbu. I had a similar situation with ds1 and the woman told everyone that he was so healthy (in fact ds1 is never ill, touch wood!) because I breastfed him! I set her right as I ff all of my babies.

glueandstick · 04/10/2016 08:56

I FF and haven't done baby massage.

I had no idea I hadn't bonded with my little toe sucker.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 08:59

ZOMBIE THREAD

FFS This was over six years ago!

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 04/10/2016 09:02

The original babies on this thread are now over 6 years old. I bet no one can tell which ones were bf or ff.

londonrach · 04/10/2016 09:07

Laughing about the bonding due to ff or bf there is no difference!

Back to op yanbu.

Ausernotanumber · 04/10/2016 09:07

I would ring the birth centre and complain.

londonrach · 04/10/2016 09:08

Note to self....read the date first before replying..read the date!!! 😱

scarednoob · 04/10/2016 09:10

I breastfed DD and still do a tiny bit now she's 12 months. Do I think it helped us bond? It hurt my back, I have stupid giant boobs so found holding the baby and the boob at the right angle really stressful, when she was tiny she just wanted boob all day and ALL night and I couldn't put her down... I stuck with it, but I hated it!

I am sure we would have bonded just fine if I could have let DP do some of it and actually had some rest! And my friends who ff are very close to their kids.

Silly woman. I think she meant to say that you could get some of the skin on skin, but she put it really badly.

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