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AIBU?

To be really angry at baby massage teacher ....grrrrrrr

117 replies

mosschops30 · 03/03/2010 17:02

I went to baby massage today with ds2, I took ds1 when he was little and it was great and I made some good friends.
Its in a birthing centre which shouldnt make any difference to what Im going to say.

We all had to go round the room and say our names, babys names etc and then she said 'how are you feeding' and added 'og but its doesnt matter, it really makes no difference' several times, therefore clearly indicating that it made a difference, as there is everything handy there for both bf and ff mums.
Then she went on to say that the two of us that were bottle feeding may be missing out on the bonding that the other mothers have got with their babies and that the massage should help us get closer because we probably havent bonded as well as bf mums WTF?????

I was about to say something as she asked the other ff mother if she had attempted to bf, and the poor new mum (1st baby) said shyly that she had tried but just couldnt get on.

Im sooo fucking angry about this, she didnt ask me, probably because she could see the look on my face, I might tell her next week the reason why I didnt continue to bf and shut her up.

Im angry and feel sorry for other mum and how she must have felt, Im on dc3 so couldnt give a flying you know what now really what people say to me.
The others mums looked a bit too and a bit uncomfortable tbh

OP posts:

Report

Hellochicken · 04/10/2016 14:09

Yes she said it wrongly and you have to be very careful how you phrase things . . . but baby massage is all about the bonding and a whole lot of people have just responded by saying they are bonded to their ff babies/children.

I think the message was that there are less "automatic" daily regular skin to skin bonding when you are ff and so massage can give you oportunities for this if you don't already have plenty.

Hopefully she has modified her spiel in the 6 intervening years!

weemouse · 04/10/2016 14:00

YANBU God this kind of person really boils my piss.

Tell her to go stand in a supermarket and point out which children are breast and which are bottle fed.
Oh what's that, she won't be able to tell the difference, no, thought not.

She needs to focus on the baby massage.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/10/2016 13:35

This threads has so many new messages it's no longer a zombie thread

FlyingElbows · 04/10/2016 13:34

My "falling in love" hormones (pmsl) were thoroughly slapped down by visceral hatred of bf, body wracking sobs and a teetering on the brink desire to have nothing to do with my baby. I cannot tell you how thoroughly fucking awful it was. I hated every skin crawling second of it and it did damage the initial bonding. I ended up bed ridden with a systemic infection which was just the icing on the cake! Than the sweet lord for my mil who put her foot down and ended that horror with a bottle. Cue much happier baby and infinitely happier mummy. Baby is now a lovely grown up and has suffered no ill effects whatsoever. I'm very pro bf and it's diabolical how lacking professional support for new mothers is but I absolutely cannot abide the totally unnecessary sneering one-upmanship which can be found. There is no need for it and I can guarantee that when your baby become a toddler and older literally nobody will give a fuck how your child was fed (unless you're an extended bfer in which case you'll need a spine of steel to withstand tge judgement). Op you'd be perfectly reasonable to complain because it is absolutely not on for new mothers to very judged when they're trying to find their feet with new babies. It can do terrible damage. If only they just embraced those "in love hormones", eh? What a crock of shite.

chocolatestrawberries · 04/10/2016 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudmummytodc2 · 04/10/2016 13:31

She is very unreasonable cheeky bitch!

I didn't breastfeed my kids because I didn't produce milk both times so had to bottle feed and it didn't effect my bonding.

She is a massage teacher anyway nothing to do with her with regards to feeding I would have to say something to her.

I am annoyed on your behalf.

Proudmummytodc2 · 04/10/2016 13:31

She is very unreasonable cheeky bitch!

I didn't breastfeed my kids because I didn't produce milk both times so had to bottle feed and it didn't effect my bonding.

She is a massage teacher anyway nothing to do with her with regards to feeding I would have to say something to her.

I am annoyed on your behalf.

Proudmummytodc2 · 04/10/2016 13:31

She is very unreasonable cheeky bitch!

I didn't breastfeed my kids because I didn't produce milk both times so had to bottle feed and it didn't effect my bonding.

She is a massage teacher anyway nothing to do with her with regards to feeding I would have to say something to her.

I am annoyed on your behalf.

rainbowstardrops · 04/10/2016 13:29

I know this is a zombie thread but as people are still reading/posting, I couldn't let ' falling in love hormones' pass by relatively unnoticed! Wtaf?!!!!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 13:10

Tell her that her holistic approach needs to be refined to encompass the mental well being of her clumsy and dangerous words.

You could but she wouldn't have a clue what you were on about by now

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 13:09

just I'm sure she has dealt with it, given it was over 6 years ago...

justilou · 04/10/2016 12:47

I hope the other mother isn't vulnerable.... when I had my first I was so hard on myself! Poor mum! That teacher should jam her opinions! The first time I bottle-fed my daughter in a baby room, someone toddled up and gave me a big lecture about the disservice I was doing to my child and myself and also our relationship... I looked up with tears eyes and told her that she shouldn't make comments like that in case she finds someone more vulnerable than me. Oh and as I was halfway through chemo at the time, my breast milk was highly toxic.

scarednoob · 04/10/2016 11:45

zombies never get me usually. I am cross (with myself)!

SalemSaberhagen · 04/10/2016 11:43

Threads like this really highlight how few people actually RTFT. It pisses me off.

JellyBelli · 04/10/2016 11:39

I would have said something to her at the time, then walked out. And I breast fed.

allowlsthinkalot · 04/10/2016 11:37

She was inappropriate.

It's not quite correct to say that it's too late for a ff mum to breastfeed at eight weeks though. You could relactate if you chose to (very hard work but possible).

NaturalRBF · 04/10/2016 11:27

Women knocking the shit out of other women for reasons they know nothing about.

Tell her that her holistic approach needs to be refined to encompass the mental well being of her clumsy and dangerous words.

NaturalRBF · 04/10/2016 11:27

Women knocking the shit out of other women for reasons they know nothing about.

Tell her that her holistic approach needs to be refined to encompass the mental well being of her clumsy and dangerous words.

ohtheholidays · 04/10/2016 11:24

Bollocks,sorry I only read the first page

PurpleDaisies · 04/10/2016 11:23

Read all the thread ohtheholidays?

ohtheholidays · 04/10/2016 11:23

What a Dickish thing to say and I say that as someone who has breastfed my 5DC and helped get breast feeding councelling set up in SureStart centers and helped a friend to get the hang of breastfeeding her first DC.

I would never ever speak to someone like that about how they've chosen to feed they're baby,it's a very personal choice and no one and I mean no one has the right to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't be doing and no one has the bloody right to judge anyone else over that choice!

Having a baby is the single hardest thing emotionally,mentally,physically that any women can ever go through the fact that another women that's had a child would judge another women over the way she's feeding her baby is disgusting!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/10/2016 10:55

DOES NOBODY BOTHER READING THE THREAD?

If someone wants to start their own bf/ff bunfight then by all means do but this thread is 6 years old!!

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HanYOLO · 04/10/2016 10:47

Most women who give up BF earlier than planned do so with a great deal of sadness and upset. They could do without smug twats rubbing their nose in it.

^this.

Allthewaves · 04/10/2016 10:29

I had horrible pnd and attachment issues with dc1and he was bf for 6 wks. I bf dc2 for 8 months exclusively and I still had attachment issues and pnd.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2016 10:25

Argh - just contributed to a zombie thread!

Anyway, OP, I hope you and your, er, 6-year-old are having a lovely life.

(Though this discussion might be useful for others.)

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