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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

schools constantly asking parents for money

309 replies

saslou · 03/03/2010 12:34

AIBU to resent being constantly asked for money by my childrens school. This week we have World book day, so I am just off out to get costumes as I am not very good at making things. They also have the book fair this week and an author coming into school who will also be giving children the "opportunity" to purchase her books while she is there. I am very happy to buy books but don't think that school is the right place to sell children things.
In addition my childrens school wants parents to pay the insurance and travel costs of compulsory school activities (they don't even ask nicely, just tell you that these are the costs). Recently I got billed for a lost library book that my child hadn't even brought home.
I feel mean because I know they have financial pressures but also feel I am being treated like their own personal cashpiont. It doesn't occur to them that not all parents have lomitless amounts of money.
Anyway, sorry for long rant...

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 03/03/2010 12:40

A lot of those sound optional though (the costumes and buying the book).

And things like trip costs have to be optional (if part of the curriculum).

DS is only at the infant school stage but I've actually been surprised at how little we've had to pay for - they are very good at keeping things low cost or indicating that costs are strictly optional.

PortiaCabin · 03/03/2010 12:41

Sounds like my DC's school. You don't live in in Hampshire by any chance?

ToccataAndFudge · 03/03/2010 12:42

are you sure your child didn't bring the book home.

I thought exactly the same thing about a £5 bill I had to pay...............until some 4-5 months later when I moved house and as I was packing up all their books looked at one and thought "hmm" that looks familiar..........it was the library book that "had never come home"

seeker · 03/03/2010 12:44

Or you could just not have the trips, the visits, the "fun" days, and your child will not have the experience of giving some money to charity.

Your choice.

GeeWhizz · 03/03/2010 12:46

You are supposed to be asked for a "voluntary contribution".

Everything does seem to need paying at the same time though.

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 12:46

the school are NOT allowed to charge for educational trips, they can tell you the cost per child and leave it to you to make a "voluntary contribution" our school have also started adding that the trip may be cancelled if not enough people contribute as they cannot afford to subsidise

I know someone who gets out of paying becasue she alwsys forgets to send in the reply slip, cue TA running round playground on morning of trip trying to find her to sign the consent form so her DS can go

we live in a mostly middle class area and the numbers of parents who dont give the £5 a year to school fund is significant

as for book day/authors etc, mine get to spend their birthday money etc, or not

and I never buy or hire costumes for dress up as this that and the other days - we make them out of odds and ends - and that means really cobble together, I am no dressmaker!!!

GypsyMoth · 03/03/2010 12:50

it gets worse as they get older too...

secondary school,it never stops,and is more expensive!!

essential revision books,essential visits to things which are part of the 'gcse curriculum' which definitely leaves you feeling you cant say no!

trips abroad...again,for helping students understand cousrework! this was Auschwitz last year!

primary have sent home details of a mothers day shop too...schol photos,school fair,fundraising opportunities at every turn....i dread them coming home sometimes

and no,not all of it is essential,and you can say 'no'...but its how it makes you feel!

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/03/2010 12:51

You don't have to buy the books. I never did as they were alwasy rubbishy books anyway.

DSressing up for world book day is not that much faff tbh.

Yes you pay for trip transport etc but your kids get a lot out of the trips.

Yes these requests do seem like they are all at once, however if you add up what you pay over the course of the year I am sure it's not that much.

Original poster
saslou · 03/03/2010 13:01

Not talking about school trips or fun activities. Am perfectly happy to pay for those. I was thinking more of the letters my children bring home saying that swimming lessons are compulsory and btw the cost for insurance/travel is x amount. They only go swimming for a few lessons each term (not long enough for it to be beneficial) and I already send my children to swimming lessons outside of school.I think I would like to be asked, not told.
Am certain the book didn't come home.bill coincided with me doing a major tidy up of ds bedroom. Not saying ds didn't lose book, just that it is lost somewhere in school, not home.
I feel if I don't pay then I am going to make my children stand out, so they've got parents over a barrel

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 03/03/2010 13:03

TBH I don't mind paying for stuff but I could do with more than 3 days notice. A months notice would do so I could budget for it all.

ToccataAndFudge · 03/03/2010 13:03

sas - not being in their room doesn't mean that it's not at home

But at the end of the day - if they lost the book, they lost the book.

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 13:05

OP so tell the school and your kids they will not need to go swimming cos you already have that covered - your kids will love that!

transport costs for stuff like that are huge, and its only for a term or so not all year as they have other PE curriculum to cover too

Tiredmumno1 · 03/03/2010 13:11

Ooo this really pisses me off especially when they say non school uniform tomorrow, its a pound to participate. They know full well people will stump up to avoid looking silly. Underhanded tactics if you ask me. We should tell them to ask that good ol' mr brown, am sure he wont mind getting this cruddy country into more debt, but at least its a worthwhile caus, if its for education

Tiredmumno1 · 03/03/2010 13:12

Ooo this really pisses me off especially when they say non school uniform tomorrow, its a pound to participate. They know full well people will stump up to avoid looking silly. Underhanded tactics if you ask me. We should tell them to ask that good ol' mr brown, am sure he wont mind getting this cruddy country into more debt, but at least its a worthwhile caus, if its for education

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 13:14

non uniform days for children in need or comic relief or one off disasters are NOT COMPULSORY though

plenty of kids/parents choose not to take part

Fayrazzled · 03/03/2010 13:24

I don't think YABU- my hand is never out of my pocket at my son's school. And despite the wording "voluntary contribution" the HM makes it clear in her newsletter that payment is expected. I really feel for families that are feeling the pinch because the pressure to send money in is great, and children don't want to be singled out by not contributing.

I'm more than happy for my children to be exposed to charitable giving (although they do see it at home) but so far this term there have been 3 requests for charitable donations- it really is something every few weeks.

I also spend hours sourcing items that are requested to go into school- we never seem to have what we need in the house. I've just spent a few pounds in the charity shop this morning locating something to be sent in this week, along side additional craft supplies and fruit/vegetables. I don't know how mums who work FT keep up with the demands/requests TBH. My son has been at the school since September and I've already had to produce 2 costumes with a third due early next term.

seeker · 03/03/2010 13:24

And the pounds for non-uniform day are, as far as I know not for school funds. They are for charity or for a specific purpose - like a greenhouse, or something non-essential that makes life more fun.

And if your child was the last person to have the book, then he (and you) are responsible for it. The same would apply to the public library - who else is going to pay for a replacement?

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/03/2010 13:29

I think non uniform days are the best way of fundraising.

£1 per child and the school raises a good amount of money in one fell swoop.

I worked FT all throuygh and I can't say that school dressing up stuff was that much of a bugbear. As long as you don't get into all the competitive costume mum mindgames it's not that bad. Most costumes pretty simple to rig up with a bit of imagination (MN great for some quick and cheap ideas I have seen).

It's nice for kids to dress up/take stuff in. It's nice also that the school makes an effort to do stuff like this.

Yes I have had moments where dd has said 'ooh mum I have got to dress up as a polar bear tomorrow' but to be honest oin the grand scheme of things it's not that much fuss. And the kids enjoy it which is what counts surely.

Christ I think I have turned into polyyanna today

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/03/2010 13:31

I'm not surprised give how much preschool asked for - but it all adds to the school 'pot'

Hence new books / equipment can be bought.

ArthurPewty · 03/03/2010 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 03/03/2010 13:33

So who do you expect to pay for your child to go on school trips?

GypsyMoth · 03/03/2010 13:35

am i the only one who finds secondary school more expensive then?

most of you are talking about primary school costs. you cant tell a 14 year old they arent 'joining in' with nin uniform day etc!

BalloonSlayer · 03/03/2010 13:36

The £1 for non-uniform days makes me .

It is clearly stated that uniform is not compulsory. Why? Well if it was then the children who get free school meals would be entitled to a school uniform subsidy. So they say it's not compulsory, then charge you £1 for the privilege of not wearing it on one day.

grrrrrrrrrr

School fete time always pisses me off too, having to provide tombola prizes, plates of cakes, small change blah-de-blah and then having to go in and buy it all back. At least the DCs enjoy it though.

Oblomov · 03/03/2010 13:41

gets right on my tits. all the time. i'm sure my parents never had this.
£1 for this, for that. for hiati. can for help aged. bottle wine summer fare. christmas fare. harvest festival. constant leaflets for spanish/football/everything else classes.
drives me FRIGGIN Mad.
then I just forget. ignore. give what i want, when i want.

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/03/2010 13:42

3blondeboys - yes I think the indiovidual activities in secondary school far more expensive, however there is less of them.

Plus the hassle is less. You have to organise everything if A 6 year old needs to dress up. A 14 year old can sort their own costume out (normally by plundering my wardribe, thanks dd).

School trips far more expensive - ski trip for dd last year cost in excess of a grand. However it was purely voluntrary and well worth it as she had a blast.

Several other trips coming up (Iceland, Berlin, New York) however the schools recognise the cost and understand that parents cannot/chose not to pay for lots of trips in a year.