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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to accept a new job when I have just found out I'm pregnant..?

87 replies

crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 17:41

What bad timing! I've been looking for a job for ages, and we decided to try for DC2 at the same time, now a job has come along in the same week as my BFP. I'm only about 12 DPO so early early days, and I'd be about 1 month when I start work.

I know it's not ideal, but much as I would like to be able to plan things so that they fit together it never usually works out like that, and what if I turned down the job and the pregnancy didn't proceed, then I'm back to square one. I appreciate it's not going to make me popular with my new employer, but I probably won't tell them until I'm at least 12 weeks anyway (I worry about not being given opportunities if they know from the outset I'm pregnant) - is it wholly unreasonable to a) accept a job in the knowledge that I'll only be able to stay for 8 months and b) not tell them I'm pregnant straight away?

OP posts:
DarrellRivers · 25/02/2010 17:45

Accept the job
Life can't always be perfectly timed
And don't tell them until you would have done normally
You will probably feel crap about it for most of the pregnancy but as long as you work for a significant period after maternity leave etc, and return after mat leave, then go for it.
Life does continue

moomaa · 25/02/2010 17:47

I think we need some more info, are we talking about a big firm or a small firm? TBH I think that makes a difference as the firm are going to have to take a 'hit' by having an absent staff member and that is far harder on a small firm.

Will you definately return to work when you have another DC?

Will this move stand you in good stead as a career move when you return to work, or are you just moving for a change?

Do you have a really thick skin because most colleagues would not be amused?

At the mo, I think YABU but I reserve the right to change my mind!

Original poster
crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 17:51

It's a big firm. I have reasonably thick skin. I'm not working at the moment, and wanted to go back to work to avoid a massive gap on my CV, so I'm not moving jobs for the hell of it.

OP posts:
gramercy · 25/02/2010 17:53

This was the subject of Radio 4's Moneybox yesterday. You might be able to "listen again" to learn all the legalities. Basically they said you are absolutely entitled to the job, but you have to play it by ear as to when to tell them, as many employers - particularly small ones - would find this a bit of a blow.

Actually at ds's school a teacher started work already pregnant. I think the Head was well pissed off but there was nothing to be done.

It was also mentioned that a European ruling meant that you can turn up for a maternity cover job already pregnant and keep the job, even though the job was for a specific length of time.

overthemill · 25/02/2010 17:54

you have a legal right to work whilst pregnant and all companies get some help with costs of paying maternity pay. you shouldnt even have to think about this should you? take the job and start thinking NOW how you'll manage with new babe.
congratulations on both, btw!

cece · 25/02/2010 17:55

I changed jobs when I was pg. Slightly different as I didn't know I was pg till 2 months after I had accepted the job. (Am a teacher so have to resign by half term of previous term).

It was embarassing and the Head was pissed off but it was OK in the long run. Went back when DC1 was 8 months.

Original poster
crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 17:58

I'm expecting them to be pissed off, but I didn't choose for things to happen this way, and I'd be reluctant to turn it down on the grounds that I'd annoy them. They're a big enough firm that they can absorb it - and I wouldn't qualify for SMP anyway, so there's no cost to them aside from having to replace me for 6 months.

OP posts:
tellnoone · 25/02/2010 18:04

You might need to check whether you would be entitled to return to the job after mat leave, there might be a qualifying period - try department for work and pensions website.

Runoutofideas · 25/02/2010 18:06

I started a new job when newly pregnant with my first child. I really needed the money and couldn't risk them pulling out so I didn't tell them. In the end I lied about the dates, by about 2 weeks, which would have meant that I feasibly wouldn't have known about the pregnancy when I started, so I could claim shock and surprise weeks later... Luckily I didn't feel too poorly, so I wasn't "outted" earlier! I'm not particularly proud of it but I had to do it at the time. If you need to, I wouldn't feel too guilty.

Morloth · 25/02/2010 18:13

I think legally you are just fine.

I wouldn't do so but that is because the sort of jobs I end up doing result in ridiculously long days/high stress/holding lots of threads together etc.

mamsnet · 25/02/2010 18:15

Mmm.. I'm caught between "well, you have a moral responsibility to tell the truth" and "But society needs babies to pay taxes in future"..

No fucking help whatsoever me..

overthemill · 25/02/2010 18:16

one word of warning, i had a job interview when i'd just started thinking i may be pregnant. knew definitely when offered it and told potential new boss around 6 weeks later after 1st scan, before actually starting.

Unbeknownst to me he told EVERYONE in my department and decided with them who would act up while i was on mat leave (I was a very senior manager).

1 week before i started i had a miscarriage at 17 weeks after an amnio. The truly awfulness of it was made so much worse by having to go into brand new job with everybody knowing and talking about me (how brave to start, how silly to start etc, all sorts!) and asking me how i was. it was, obviously, amongst the worst few days of my life

Original poster
crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 18:19

I feel a bit morally corrupt, but I know from a legal point of view it's fine. And if I go in expecting them to be a bit peeved, I think I'll manage it ok. The alternative is me telling them upfront that I can't take the job b/c I'm preggo. Gahhhhh! Maybe will sleep on it.

OP posts:
luminousloopylou · 25/02/2010 18:29

Do what you want, life is short. As women we have to handle so much we need to take sometimes. What is the worst that can happen? you hate it and leave.
Companies (particularly big ones) can often treat you in a way that suits them You treat them in a way that suits you!
good luck

Original poster
crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 18:36

Thanks LLL, very nicely put. Corporate karma?

OP posts:
Original poster
crumpetsolo · 25/02/2010 18:40

God overthemill I just read your post - that is AWFUL. It must have been unbearable on top of your mc.

OP posts:
LittleSilver · 25/02/2010 18:48

YANBU. Your baby will be paying your bosses' pension.

BicycleBelle · 25/02/2010 18:51

I had the same dilemma 10 years ago - in fact I think it was the celebration of the succesful job interview that caused the problem! I had already accepted the job when I realised I was pregnant, but was still working out my notice at my current position. I decided to phone up the new employer, tell them that I now realised I was pregnant, and offer to pull out. This wasn't as magnaminous as it sounds, since I was gambling that they would realise they would be on dodgy legal grounds and therefore wouldn't take up my offer, but I would have credit for acting honourably in giving them the option.

It paid off, they reassured me that it would be fine, and thanked me for my honesty. I started at 8 weeks pregnant with everyone knowing the score. I came back to work after 10 months mat leave, but unfortunately blew it all when I realised soon after that I was pregnant again. I had 3 yeears with that employer, but only one year actually at work, as I didn't go back after the second one was born . . .

muggglewump · 25/02/2010 18:55

I did this.
I needed the job and it was a big company. It wasn't an important job, and they had a high staff turnover so I figured it didn't matter anyway. I wasn't entitled to mat pay from them, and they knew I had no intention of going back, so didn't need to cover me, but replace me which they were used to anyway.

HappyMummyOfOne · 25/02/2010 19:00

Nothing legally wrong with the situation although morally I couldnt do it.

I'd feel too guilty that I knew I would be getting trained and then leaving soon after for a year and that they would have to get a temp cover which can cost more and advertising.

Do you plan to return (assuming you didnt after your first maternity leave) and to take the full year off?

dizietsma · 25/02/2010 19:15

Another vote for take the job. Nothing amoral about it, big firms in particular are perfectly capable of coping with it.

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 19:29

I think YABU, you have no idea how well the pregnancy will go and if you will last as long as you think in the post.
And if I was on the shortlist behind you, I'd be furious.

oranges · 25/02/2010 19:34

take the job - I can totally understand why you don't want a gap in your cv. Tell them as late as possible and then be totally clear and honest about whether you intend to go back,

EggyAllenPoe · 25/02/2010 19:36

I don't think YABU at all.

you have a right to work - you have a right to be pregnant! if peopl espend an average of 2 years in a jb this is going to happen alot.

you may find your entitlement to mat bens is reduced by not having been there long enough (please check as it may have changed)

but really, no-one curses people who spend a couple of months in a job then jack it fo something better (or more to the point, no one criicises men who do that - why should be criticised? it is not as though you are pregnant with malice aforethought.

wastwinsetandpearls · 25/02/2010 19:38

I wouldn't take a new job if I had just found out I was pregnant. I have just been promoted and for that reason have put off TTC for at least another year.

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