to accept a new job when I have just found out I'm pregnant..?

[crumpetsolo]

What bad timing! I've been looking for a job for ages, and we decided to try for DC2 at the same time, now a job has come along in the same week as my BFP. I'm only about 12 DPO so early early days, and I'd be about 1 month when I start work.

I know it's not ideal, but much as I would like to be able to plan things so that they fit together it never usually works out like that, and what if I turned down the job and the pregnancy didn't proceed, then I'm back to square one. I appreciate it's not going to make me popular with my new employer, but I probably won't tell them until I'm at least 12 weeks anyway (I worry about not being given opportunities if they know from the outset I'm pregnant) - is it wholly unreasonable to a) accept a job in the knowledge that I'll only be able to stay for 8 months and b) not tell them I'm pregnant straight away?

YANBU. Look at it this way, the Sex Discrimination Act states that women should not be treated any less favourably because they are pregnant. So, if you choose not to take the job because of your pregnancy, you are breaking that act yourself!

I found out I was pregnant the day after my successful interview for the job I have now. As this was in teaching, by the time I started I was nearly 5 months pregnant. I had informed the head after the first trimester and whilst she was clearly not overjoyed, she knew she had to accept that.

My alternative would have been no job at all, which would have stuffed me and DP up financially. I returned after 6 months maternity and it really isn't an issue now at all.

I am actually quite shocked that so many female (majority are, I assume) posters think this is in any way "morally wrong". Jeez, what has happened to feminism?

It is not an issue about being pregnant it is about taking a job knowing that you are going to be absent.

Particularly in a job like teaching and in a position like mine children rely on you. It isn't fair to take a job knowing that you will be popping off for a sustantial amount of time. That is not to say you can never have children, that would be daft but your decisions have consequences beyond yourself.

i always approach my career now imagining i am one of the male execs i used to work with, who asked for pay rises every 6 months on the basis they had done well (i used to think that 'doing well' was what i was employed to do so didn't deserve any additional rewards...). people want dynamic, go-getting proactive workers? then they have to accept they will be proactive about their own needs as well as their employers'.

I can't believe that so many of you are all uniting to talk about feminism, the right to do this and that, sexism and prejudice .....

that's all well and good but what is wrong with stepping off your high horses and looking at the real world?

It is a big company, perhaps mostly male staff - how do you think they might react when op turns up already pregnant?

How is op going to feel each time she is feeling a bit crap or needs time off for an appointment if there is any resentment already around?

Of course this company and its staff might be more enlightened and hopefully there won't be those issues, but she is walking into a potentially difficult situation.

Of course she has a legal right to do this but she needs to understand that a lot of people would think that she had been dishonest, rightly or wrognly, and that could make life really difficult for her.

wastwinsetandpearls.... er and there are consequences beyond yourself when you leave your job for something better! doesn't seem to bother anybody... having said that, maybe teaching is the last bastion of 'job for life'. the rest of us are moving on every 1-2 years anyway.

Sorry twinset but by that logic teachers would never have kids at all. You deserve a better work/life balance than feeling more beholden to my children than to your own.

wastwinset That's what I think. I don't feel you should take a job knowing you won't be there for very long time and it WILL impact on the people you work with.

I would feel uncomfortable doing that. It's not about being pregnant, I wouldn't do it if I had any reason why I would be leaving soon after I took the job. Yes, it's hard for you, but I just don't think it's fair.

meltedflumps - i think she's probably prepared for any difficulties, given that she's actually thinking of turning the job down in order not to cause a problem! the more working during pregnancy is normalised, the less 'difficult situations' there will hopefully be. taking yourself out of the game doesn't do anybody any favours.

first thing: the OP is only just pg. no need to announce straight away - as i think most people don't until after first scan?

second: i hope they'll be open minded.they no doubt have wives/gfs who may well be in the same position one day. If not, stuff them.

wastwinsetandpearls - I am a teacher too, but my alternative was to turn down a job I had previously accepted, because of being pregnant and then spend the next 8 months doing bits of supply. Do you really think I shouldn't have taken the job? As you say, maternity leave can happen at any time and is an inconvenience to colleagues and the students you teach at any time it happens. It's not ideal if it is in your first year at that school but ultimately it makes no difference when it occurs, so I don't really see your arguement.

I didn't say that teachers should never have children, infact I actually said that obviously should not be the case. I said there are times when it is not a good idea to have children. I am presently in that situation. I will put things in place and then we will TTC.

I also would not just leave a teaching job if I thought it would cause a lot of harm. It would be morally wrong IMO for me to leave my job now for whatever reason - bar serious illness.

and talking about reentering the 'real world' - happy you ladies can afford not to take jobs if you don't feel totally comfortable about them WT and SK - the rest of us have to earn money whether we feel comfortable about it or not!

omaoma don't make me laugh! 'The rest of us' what are you a different special species? Not everyone moves on every 1-2 years. Police officers, army officers, teachers etc do not move around all the time!

meltedflumps - your post leaves me open mouthed. You are seriously advocating the op rethinks because otherwise people might be mean to her?

How about telling them to fuck off with that sort of attitude? How about pointing out to them that everybody has a right to family life and that nobody thinks any the less of them for daring to work and procreate. How about pointing out that if they do 'make life really difficult for her.' because of her pregnancy they will be breaking the law?

Don't tell me to look at the 'real world' and just accept unfair and unlawful treatment. Too right we're talking feminism here. I am reminded by your post that "people call you a feminist when you express any sentiment that differentiates you from a doormat"

well fair enough SK, I haven't done any of the public service jobs that you mention. just speaking from my own experience

That is different of course omamoma, I was under the impression that the OP had a job.

In my case we were TTC, a promotion came up. A key part to me being successful is being very present and visible, I can't do that at home.

I find this all very strange. The OP is meant to turn down the job is she because she might need a couple of mornings off for appointments and her colleagues will object?

There is nothing at all dishonest in taking on a job when you are pregnant. Especially so early in pregnancy when, sadly, anything can happen.

i thought she was currently unemployed - but in any case tho the pressure is perhaps less, the principle is the same. you're not advocating that family life should preclude chances of career progression are you? if so i have to say i think you're a few steps away from 'and why bother letting girls work at all?' territory...

It is not the couple of days off it is the months of maternity leave.

Hardly omaoma, I have a daughter myself and am the breadwinner in my house. I said there are times when it is not right to be TTC.

Any employer worth their salt would not let a pregnancy get in the way of a promotion. Not only because it's illegal, but also because they should see that the person they want to promote is the right person for the job. Maternity leave means anything up to 12 months where the employee isn't available. But if you treat a valuable employee right, and that includes respecting their right to a family life, you increase loyalty and the employee's willingness to go an extra mile.

I started a new job when I was 11 weeks pregnant. I think it may have been the 'celebration' of getting the new job that did the trick . I only realised I was pregnant at about 7 weeks and I felt I couldn't back out of my decision to change jobs. I had given my reasons for leaving to my old employer and I knew that my new company had been trying to fill this position for nearly one year. So if I had not joined them, they would have had to start the recruitment process all over again. I told my new manager after my 12 week scan. She was really good about it and confirmed that I had made te right decision.

NorthernLurker, do you really think that is helpful? Yes, you can tell everybody you work with to fuck off and point out everything your rights and annything else you want, and educate them about feminism. Well done. And then you have to keep working with them.

Have you ever worked in a large corporate male dominated organisation? Sure, if they treat you unlawfully then you can take action, but there are a hundred ways you can be made to feel crappy each day which aren't actually illegal, and starting a new job when you are already pregnant is something which will be treated with jaw-dropping shock in many usch companies.

I turned down the job of my dreams after findng out I was very unexpectedly pregnant because I knew how it would pan out. I knew what I would be walking into and it wasn't worth the aggro. I didn't want to spend each day telling t]people to fuck off or explaining my right to be there.

relatedly, i worked for a very small company that talked about potential maternity leave amongst its (mostly female) staff as a 'threat' to its business plans and the exec dir was very anti-babies because of their 'disruptive' effect. i got the f*ck out of there after only 11mths because i knew i wanted to have a baby and that it would involve ivf so even more 'disruption' to their business and there wouldn't be any support for me. my leaving precipitated the other key member of staff's leaving, as quite often happens, so they had the expense of recruiting two staff members, one after less than a year in the job ... would it have been any worse if they had just been sympathetic to me, and had me back after my ML? i know they were sorry to lose me