to accept a new job when I have just found out I'm pregnant..?

[crumpetsolo]

What bad timing! I've been looking for a job for ages, and we decided to try for DC2 at the same time, now a job has come along in the same week as my BFP. I'm only about 12 DPO so early early days, and I'd be about 1 month when I start work.

I know it's not ideal, but much as I would like to be able to plan things so that they fit together it never usually works out like that, and what if I turned down the job and the pregnancy didn't proceed, then I'm back to square one. I appreciate it's not going to make me popular with my new employer, but I probably won't tell them until I'm at least 12 weeks anyway (I worry about not being given opportunities if they know from the outset I'm pregnant) - is it wholly unreasonable to a) accept a job in the knowledge that I'll only be able to stay for 8 months and b) not tell them I'm pregnant straight away?

incidentally, i have heard of blokes taking a year out to go travelling after being promoted, an still having their job on return. if the world of employment can handle that, surely it can handle mat leave?

Meltedflumps - that is dreadful that you felt you had to do that, to walk away. Obviously that was your specific decision at that time - and I know from my own experiences how vulnerable one feels in this situation - but the answer in general to this situation is not to totally back off. As long as we keep behaving like our pregnancy is a huge problem that we'll just take off to the women's corner and not mention - they'll keep treating us like that.

Eggy if a man had just taken on an important role in the school and then annonced they were going off for a year within a few months I would also think that was wrong. I don't want to see maternity leave denied or anything. I just think there are certain times, which will pass, when taking a leave of absence is not the best idea.

I've not read the thread, but my view is that you probably shouldn't take a new job when you know you're pregnant, but if you've been looking for work and this is the job that's come up then that's fair enough. What's the alternative? Be unemployed throughout your pregnancy and suffering the financial consequences. That's not fair on you IMO. Lots of people take jobs knowing they won't be sticking around for all sorts of reasons.

MeltedFlumps the Sex Discrimination Act was introduced in 1975 to ensure that an employee could not be treated differently because of their gender and this does include pregnant women. If the OPs new work place do treat her in the way you suggest they might, she would have a very good case for tribunal. Its terrible that you chose not to take a position for fear of the treatment you would get, the whole point of that 35 year old act was to ensure that women were not treated in that way. I'm sorry to bring up feminism again but things have clearly not moved on if your industry treats women in this way.

thanks, crumpetsolo, yes it was crap thankfully long behid me!

But i totally defend all woen's right to be pg, get pg and start new jobs, go for interviews etc. In 1977 my sister was asked at her first teaching interview if she had any plas to marry or have children. Thank the lord the world has come on bit since then !

Wow! I was expecting about one reply. I'm not a teacher so don't have the extra pressures that go with that. To be honest I'd hope that people are grown up enough not to 'give me aggro' just because I have inconvenienced them by being pregnant. And if it is really so unspeakably unbearable because of thoughtless colleagues, I can just leave. Nothing lost. I REALLY want to go back to work - I enjoy it and if I'm off for any longer, my brain will disintegrate. So, that's that!

EggyAllanPoe has a very good point. In the world of employment you need to do as you would be done by. Most employers will treat their staff like sh*t without so much as a second thought. They really can't expect much better in return. In fact the OP's employer is very lucky that she is even worried about it.

Good for you crumpetsolo, and if you do get aggro, remember your rights. Good luck in your new job!

I think you are completely reasonable to take the job. The problem with the attitude that there are times you shouldn't be ttc is that unfortunately life and the whole issue of ttc is unpredictable with no guarantees.

If you adopt that attitude you may find that you spend years ttc and not applying for jobs just in case you may be pregnant, and don't want to offend anybody or potentially be in a difficult situation, totally ridiculous.

In my experience I have found that you cannot decide right I am going to get pregnant so therefore I will put off applying for and taking a potentially good job. You are pregnant not ill. All employers should expect that as a woman of child bearing age that theres a good chance you could get or be pregnant.

I would say to any woman, please do not put off ttc for the sake of your career. This is speaking as someone who has been ttc baby number 2 for >12 months. I wanted to have a few years between children so I didn't piss off my employer by getting pregnant soon after I came back from Mat leave,and all the time I'm getting older and my fertility is declining.

congratulations crumpetsolo on your pregnancy

I am not putting off TTC forever just so I can settle into my job and allow the children in my care so benefit from stable leadership.

I agree you cannot decide right I am going to get pregnant now, although my first dd was conceieved in a quite sexless relationship. We did it once and I fell pregnant. However we have had a few miscarriages.

yup, congrats on both the baby and the job Crumpet and good luck with baking the bun!