for being annoyed that my children are not invited to a wedding?

[completelyshotpelvicfloor]

I live in a little cul de sac with a grassy area out front. My neighbour of a long time is getting married would like to get married on the green. She asked us all to sign something to say that we didn't mind her using the green (and I don't). Her engagement party was there and it was fab.

Just got the save the date card and it says that there will only be children of the immediate family there (ie god sons, cousins etc) which basically means that the neighbours children (including mine) are not invited.

This will cause problems as the only way to our house is via the green so there is no way that I can pretend to my DS and DD that nothing is going on.

I am being unreasonable in being annoyed?

It sounds contradictory to 'ban' children from her wedding that's taking place on a public green. Presumably cars will go past, children will be playing, people walking dogs, noise from surrounding houses. Personally, I think it's a silly choice of location if you are going to be fussy about who is/is not invited. I don't think she can really be 'in control' of such a location. I'm trying to imagine it on our public green, it just wouldn't work.

You say it's your DSs birthday that day too? YANBU at all. I'd be tempted to ask around if you can have a bouncy castle on the green the following day, then casually inform them later on that they'll have to erect the bouncy castle at about 6pm the night before.

When's the actual wedding? It'll probably be raining anyway, you and the DCs can wave to the soggy, muddy bride out the window. But I agree with the posters who said she's agreed use of the green, not the ability to exclude residents from it.

What about if she was using the green for a 40th Birthday party? Would you expect your children to be invited along to that as well?

I think given you and your neighbours are happy for that land to be used by someone else, YABU to impose conditions and benefits for you from her using it.

And I presume your DD sleeps at some point, so if you really can't stand the thought of her seeing the party, take her out for the day, put her to bed, get a babysitter and go for the evening. Or send her to the grandparents for a weekend and enjoy the party!

She a big old loony

I think you're being totally unreasonable. Either you are happy for the green to be used in this way or you are not. You cannot start imposing conditions and getting huffy because she is unable to stretch to cater for all the guests' children. (For if the majority of the responses here are anything to go by then if she is pressured to invite close family and all the local children, every other guest will then find it unreasonable for their children to be excluded.)

I'm not quite sure how your son being breastfed brings anything to bear on the situation. You are in the perfect position to be able to pop back for feeds throughout the day. And if your five year old has not already learnt that sometimes there will be parties that she is not invited to, then this is as good a time as any, otherwise she's going to have a terrible time when her little brother starts being invited to schoolfriends' birthdays.

Your son is not presumably old enough to know which day is his actual birthday, so if she is having a marquee on the green why don't you ask if you could use it the next day for his birthday party. See it as an opportunity rather than looking for ways to ruin her day like other posters have suggested.

Were you thinking of having a party for your DS? How big is this green exactly...

YANBU, she gained permission by stealth.

I would ask if children are banned from the green or just the wedding.

The answer would determine whether a large rouders match complete with kids, dogs, chickens and people from the local beer garden was arranged. Closely followed by a few celebratory laps on my pony whilst wearing a thong and a smile!

Only kidding, however, I would make it known to her that I thought her actions were underhand and had she considered the children may be upset.

Gubbins, I think the point people are making is that the OP did not know her children would be excluded when she agreed to let this woman use the land. And a girl learning that she can't go to everyone's party by not being invited to the parties of her brother's friends is very different to not being invited to a party and then essentially being invited to watch it from the outside. Even if she's being kept away from the window she will be able to hear the noise of people enjoying themselves, including other children. That really isn't a very nice or necessary way to teach a small child a lesson.

I am not advocating that the OP 'ruin her day', and I expect most of the other posters were being tongue-in-cheek. As for using the Marquee herself for her son's party - surely you know those things are hired out by the day and that will be impossible without forking out as much as the bride presumably is?

The bride-to-be clearly has been a bit deceitful here in deliberately not mentioning the 'no children' bit until after everyone has signed the necessary paper, and she's also making it very awkward for the OP and her children even to come and go from their house on that day, should she want to take them elsewhere. Presumably even if they go out for the day they will get back while the party is still in full swing, and her DD will see several other children enjoying themselves in 'her' front garden while she can't join in.

Yes, the woman has a right to have only the people she wants at her wedding, but under the circumstances she could have been a bit more considerate of the people who have genrously agreed to have someone else's party on their doorstep.

People have good reasons for not inviting dcs to their wedding, but in this case I can't think of one. Perhaps from the church/ceremony if they feel strongly about it, or if space is limited, but not from the green. So YANBU, completelyshotpelvicfloor.

Although, are you sure the ds are not allowed to the reception? Or are perhaps just excluded from any sit down bit but welcome later on?

As an aside, a green is a community space so the b2b would be unreasonable to exclude any of the immediate neighbours imo, regardless of age. Unless they were convicted sex offenders or something I suppose.

The OP hasn't replied yet to say whether or not any other neighbours have DC who have also been excluded. It would be interesting to know that - or whether she is the only one.

If there are numerous neighbours' DC that have also been excluded then I think fair enough - if the OP's DC are the only ones, then the bride is being mean.

Normally I find it annoying when people get precious about their DCs not being invited to weddings. However, on this occasion I think YANBU. It's a bit like someone having a street party but banning all the kids on the road from attending.

catering for a dozen kids isn't going to tip the balance of a wedding being affordable or not. buy 3 bottles less champagne.

if she doesn't want kids there she should have thought of a different venue. you can't ban kids from essentially what is their own garden without expecting to piss of their parents.

Where is the reception? On the green too? If they're only getting married on the green and having reception elsewhere then no, YANBU.

Reasonable response. Bride doesn't want a million kids at her wedding so grown adults think the idea of wrecking it for her is amusing.
Nice. I wouldn't invite the parents, never mind the kids.

To the OP, stop projecting. Your 5 yr old won't be sitting forlornly in the window crushed and crying about not being there. Unless you encourage them to by going on about how unfair it is and what a lovely party they are missing.

but don't you think that if you are having a party - any kind of party - in a communal garden, it is going to have to have a relaxed, informal, festival kind of vibe? If you want formality take yourself off to a stately home.

BTW I think it would be fair enough to say we'd like children taken home by 8pm or something so that the adults can have a grown up evening party

I think as it's a day time event and taking over the communal space where the children would presumably normally play, she has to be a bit flexible. It sounds like she asked if you minded her using it, not if you mind if she completely takes it over for the day meaning that your dc can't go anywhere near it, expecially if it is, in effect, your garden.

thats a CHEAP wedding!

sorry if it offends anyone that is having a informal ceremony on a 'green' seems really odd to me, why doesnt she just have the party in her house and use the green for a bbq or something.

anyways...I wouldnt want everyones children running about if my wedding was to be on a green (it wont be for definate) as kids can be pretty narsty when it comes to grass and mud and stuff cant they. would you want someones children there who loves to have a kick about, or loves to throw stones, or even make mud pies..nope not me, not in my white dress thanks

I dont think your being unreasonable I just think that you shoudlnt let it bother you and dont lie to your kids bout it, just tell em that blabla is having a party on the green and no one else but adults and her family is allowed to be there. Before you leave put on some vibrant music and let them dress in their party attire and dance about the house!

I remember once (so ashamed) when my friend (who wasnt my friend then) who was a bridesmaid for her aunty who was getting married, and me and my sisters knew about it and we were really excited as her aunty lived 3 doors away...so we dressed up in our bridesmaid dresses that we wore to our aunties wedding a yr before and we went outside to 'join' in well lets just say, we looked better than my 'friend' did in her coral floaty dress and she wasnt too pleased about it, we took all the attention from her...and her grandma and aunty were happily incuding us in it..oh gosh

Well lets just say...me and that girl...we are the bestest and closest friends now, and for always and we laugh about it all the time!

Though I wouldnt suggest you go let your kids kick a nice wet muddy ball across the green from your back garden or anything ;)

5 year olds love these kind of functions

Really?
Mine wouldn't have (now age 10 upwards) and would have hated having to sit still while adults yapped away. They want to eat then get down and run around, not sit while their parents catch up with friends and relations.
That's why I wouldn't want to take mine if I had the chance not to. 20 or what ever extra children do add a lot to the cost and also take up space that could otherwise be used for adult guests that they actually want to invite.
I would go and enjoy it, if you are lucky enough to have someone to look after the children. If DS is one year old, he hardly needs breastfeeding every couple of hours and I'm sure DD could come out and join you for a while after the food, then go back in with baby sitter.
The green is still public - presumably all you were doing when she asked for permission to use it was agreeing to that - not that everyone else was banned from going near it.
It's just one day in your life - but one of the biggest in the brides - let her have it her way this once.

An NT 5 year old can very easily be told "no, it's not your party. You will have other parties to go to." She will understand. She won't like it, but she will certainly understand. She's not 2.

But if this is the OP's garden we are talking about, it changes things slightly, surely? We looked at some beautiful townhouses with communal gardens, which I thought wouldn't matter at all. Except when it comes to this sort of thing, it does.

Presumably the b2b didn't make it clear that everyone had to keep their children out of the garden on this day when she originally asked? When is the wedding, spring/summer? A Saturday when hopefully it'll be nice and sunny? I bet it isn't now when all the kids are inside anyway.