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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being annoyed that my children are not invited to a wedding?

88 replies

completelyshotpelvicfloor · 22/02/2010 22:48

I live in a little cul de sac with a grassy area out front. My neighbour of a long time is getting married would like to get married on the green. She asked us all to sign something to say that we didn't mind her using the green (and I don't). Her engagement party was there and it was fab.

Just got the save the date card and it says that there will only be children of the immediate family there (ie god sons, cousins etc) which basically means that the neighbours children (including mine) are not invited.

This will cause problems as the only way to our house is via the green so there is no way that I can pretend to my DS and DD that nothing is going on.

I am being unreasonable in being annoyed?

OP posts:
llareggub · 22/02/2010 22:50

Yes, YABU. See all previous threads on this same topic for the reasons why.

gerontius · 22/02/2010 22:53

YABU. Just because you said you didn't mind her getting married on the grass near your house doesn't mean you can assume your children will be invited.

luciemule · 22/02/2010 22:53

Why would you need to pretend that nothing's going on? Either you could have someone else (grnadparents for example) have them for the night or have a babysitter but if it were me, I defo wouldn't be annoyed. Some people don't invite children because they simply don't want them and others 'cause they can't afford the extra numbers. We've been to two weddings in the last couple of years where kids aren't invted and simply saw it as a night away without the kids (hooray!)
Guessing you're in Scotland as I didn't think people could married whereever they liked (like the village green)in England??
At the end of the day, they can invite who they want and if it bothers you, then perhaps make an excuse and don't go.

heckythump · 22/02/2010 22:54

I don't know you know Llareggub. I think it is a little unreasonable when the marriage is to take place in an apparently open space area which has to be consented to by the other residents.

I think, in these circumstances and in spite of all the normal reasons it is acceptable to not invite children to a wedding that is absolutely unreasonable to not invite children of the cul-de-sac residents.

YANBU CSPV.

obsessivereader · 22/02/2010 22:57

Yanbu. What does she expect you to do with your children while you're at the wedding?

Original poster
completelyshotpelvicfloor · 22/02/2010 22:58

You've given me food for thought. I must admit, when I ok'd the green (which is about two feet from my front door and essentially a shared front garden) and she said "of course, you'll be invited" I just assumed it meant me and the children but you are right, that was silly of me.

OP posts:
heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:02

OR.. there are lots of reasons why people don't want kids at their wedding... and you then have to decide as an adult whether you accept that invite or not.... but I do rather think but if you want your wedding in an open space where you have had to ask people for their permission to do so who you then invite without their resident kids when other children are being invited then in my book that is plain bad manners - it is not a child free wedding.

Admittedly, everyone has a right to decide who to invite to their wedding, but it is plain rude not to invite children of parents who have been invited who live there and will be able to see the whole proceedings.

heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:03

It is NOT silly of you CSPF.

Original poster
completelyshotpelvicfloor · 22/02/2010 23:03

Not sure what my neighbour expects the children to do. I'm still breastfeeding DS! Would have a baby sitter come to the house so that I could go to wedding and just come back to feed but DD(5) would not understand why she couldn't join in. Oh yes, and it is DS birthday on the same day.

OP posts:
luciemule · 22/02/2010 23:04

It's not silly of you - just that some people are really funny about having kds at their wedding. We had 15 kids at ours 0 there were high chairs and pushchairs everywhere!

llareggub · 22/02/2010 23:05

Well, as it is a public space you could always throw your children onto the street to play football in the middle of the ceremony. That'll teach her.

JaneS · 22/02/2010 23:07

Do your children actually want to go? Or do you just suspect they will want to join in when they see something like a party?

I really dislike this trend towards not inviting children to weddings, but expecting your children to be invited simply because you live nearby is getting silly imo. Many weddings take place in churches in towns or cities where lots of people who aren't invited will be able to see the wedding - they all manage to get over it.

heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:08

I'm struggling with that Luciemule - I'm not married, but if I were, I would want everyone there who could be, whether they cluttered up the place with their hideous high chairs and pushchairs or not. My dream wedding list would consist of a couple of wheelchairs and some other special needs in addition to the pushchairs and highchairs. What a nightmare!

annh · 22/02/2010 23:11

Do you mean she is actually planning on having the ceremony on the green or just the party? I thought weddings could only take place in registrar offices or approved venues? Not that that is strictly relevant to your question!

Original poster
completelyshotpelvicfloor · 22/02/2010 23:12

I think the issue will be that DD will see other children on (her) green and will want to join in. Not sure how I will keep her in the house!

Looks like I will have to nicely decline the invite and take the kids away for the day and night on the pretext of a birthday treat for DS instead!

Thanks for chiming in - needed the reality check!

OP posts:
heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:12

Blimey.

CSPF.... you must be wrong. Stay in doors for the whole day. It's totally unreasonable to think that your whole family, including a child who needs no catering other than the breast of the mother invited, should go to a wedding where permission needs to be granted for the wedding to take place. I'm sure you were thinking that it would instead be reasonable to play football in your front garden.

Have a great match!

Original poster
completelyshotpelvicfloor · 22/02/2010 23:14

BTW - there will be a registrar ceremony at the registry office for just the couple and their witnesses and then a non secular vows exchange on the green with bridesmaids etc. then a reception and dancing

OP posts:
luciemule · 22/02/2010 23:17

heckythump I meant that I understand why some people don't have kids there but we did because we wanted to. The highchairs and pushchairs wasn't a negative thing - I meant even though there were highchairs and pushchairs everywhere, it didn't matter because we wanted it that way.

heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:21

I see now Lucie. Written word is often misconstrued

luciemule · 22/02/2010 23:25

Yep -I find that I often convey the wrong meaning in text!

thisisyesterday · 22/02/2010 23:25

well i would say to her that you're sorry, but as you can't take the children then you'll be unable to go, as it would be unfair on dd and it's also ds's birthday

lilackaty · 22/02/2010 23:25

I think YANBU and I think your neighbour should hve mentioned that your children wouldn't be invited when she asked for your signature. I would take the children away somewhere exciting for the day and night and if she asks about it, tell her the truth.

mazzystartled · 22/02/2010 23:28

YANBU

It's essentially communal space - partly yours. What are you meant to do- keep them inside all day or send them away somewhere? Your neighbour clearly hasn't thought this through at all.

heckythump · 22/02/2010 23:29

you and me both, Lucie... you and me both!

I agree with not going and saying why if asked. Let any grudge fall from you whilst you do CSPF

But YANBU

GuntherMcKilocodie · 22/02/2010 23:34

Really, a communal green? How odd. I would be worried I would trail my veil through dog shite.