Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

skidoodle I am capable of forming my own opinions. But I appreciate that they are exactly that - an opinion!

As I see it, in the animal world the male of the species in most cases is 'up for it' all the time. The female only when in season. Humans are highly evolved (well, in most caes) animals. The male of our species has a different attitude to sex so the species doesn't die out.

Ok, this is a bit of a hornets nest.........but have you noticed it's all high profile MALES in the press at the moment being caught with their pants down?

I'm not saying Porn is ok, I am not saying it doesn't degrade women etc. I am just saying that men have a different attitude to it.

And the OP was asking if she was right being upset by her OH's porn use. NOT is Porn ok!

skidoodle please don't call my husband a name like that!

If you must know, when I was pregnant and felt horribly unnattractive, he stopped. He struggled with it, but he did, so I am not making excuses for him. It was me who suggested he started to watch it again, once my confidence was regained, as I didn't want him to feel inhibited, and you know what, I like it too sometimes! I watch it, with or without him...and usually girl on girl too.

You cannot force somebody to conform to your beliefs, and it's silly to have ridiculous expectations. If you actively don't want your DH to watch porn, then that's up to you, and he should respect your wishes. But you cannot tell other human beings what they should do to turn themselves on!

Most men do watch porn, that's just how it is, and those who don't for their wives will wish they do. apart from those men who have personal bad experiences, otherwise men will just see it as a positive thing, right or not.

It doesn't bother me one bit. He is just a typical man, and I like it, I always know where I am with him. It doesn't make him a bad person! It makes him normal, whether you like it or not!

They aren't obligied to accept anything, smallwhitecat. However, trying to find a man who genuinely has no interest in porn...

'But you cannot tell other human beings what they should do to turn themselves on!'

Obviously I mean when it is just adult consensual sex, hardcore or not. I am not suggesting that everything is acceptable.

Exactly amber1979, it is one thing for a man to behave to his wifes wishes, but I also have never met a man who just wasn't interested.

MrsMontague you are making the most sense on this thread.

For smallwhitecat

www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

I am however, glad that you have found a man who agrees with you. I never said that there were no men who didn't like porn, just that they were comparatively rare. I have three sources of evidence for this: the link above, what my lovers and male friends have told me and eight years spent in the overwhelmingly male atmosphere of the construction industry.

My experience is that a significant amount of men cheat on their partners, and if they don't they wish they did...

I don't know if DP watches porn. If he did, would I chuck him? No. I think the majority of men do watch porn so I'm not going to make it a condition of having a relationship that they don't. But I resent being told to 'watch it with him' and 'don't be uptight'. I don't like it, I don't like the industry and I don't like the attitudes it fosters. And I hate the fact that it's impossible to tell whether the people involved are doing it out of absolute free choice (this would include them not actually needing the money, and having the opportunity to do another job if they preferred).

I'm not going to call your husband anything, MrsM, but I do find it disturbing that he expects women to do these things for his titillation, but because of that refuse to see them as human beings.

This thread seems to highlight the fact that, as a woman, you are fine as long as you behave a certain way. But as soon as you cross the line into being disrespectable, that gives people carte blanche to ignore the fact you're even human. Everyone seems to concentrate on the 'he still sleeps with me so it's fine', rather than worry about the people involved in the seedier side of the porn industry. Oh jolly good, as long as your sex life remains unaffected that's the most important thing.

"There are plenty of men throughout the world who have never even been exposed to pornography"

What is the significance of this exactly?

ok: what porn? there is a lot of porn out there that is shite and there is some that is genuinely erotic...mostly made by women

secondly, do you masturbate and if so do you fantasise, use erotic literature, bit of judith krantz etc?

there are a lot of arguments against mainstream porn that make a lot of sense: exploitation of vulnerable women, links to sex trafficking, pornogrification of sex to the extent that young men consider facials de rigueur etc etc.

however, porn is not bad per se.

you could always make your own....

...........if he has access to the internet, at some point he'll have googled 'lesbian orgies'. End of!

I worked in cargo - at the time very male industry. Quite an eye opener! They had nude female calendars so we put up a naked male one (albeit black and white and quite tasteful). Funny thing was, some of the more 'flamboyant' male members of staff then popped by the office.........

MrsMontague I agree - you make the most sense on here - you are more articulate than I am!

It would be great if a man could pop onto this thread and give us his views.....

the person making most sense on this thread (apart from, of course...) is brahms

the most shocking statement on here is from the woman who thinks it ok for her bloke to treat women within the sex industry as something other than human..."well, you wouldn't want to go down the pub with them..."

there is no more perfect example of madonna/whore and misogyny, than that attitude

if my partner used porn, I would rather he had some thought for that girl that is someone's daughter, even if that might be seen as hypocritical

I imagine that most men in the world have seen porn in some guise or other, and most will havbe used it at some point.

And to be honest, if there was a form of erotica which did not depend (wholly or partly) on exploitation of some or most of its participants then I would be all for it. However I cannot seperate the fact that most of what is readily available out there is the tip of a very nasty iceberg.

I still stand by my statement that not all men do use porn. I know that my DP has obviously viewed porn in the past, however I would bet money that he does not do so now. And he is not just saying that to keep me happy. I know that he is a pretty forthright person so if there was a debate to be had about this, we would have had it. I just seriously do not believe that he is turned on by it.

And fwiw DP is a builder - yes it is not the most enlightened industry. Does not mean that all construction workers are misogynistic arseholes though, far from it.

And the thought that real hard core porn is viewed as the norm in young men now is a horrible thought. My dd is 14. I would hate the fact that any future boyfried would have been 'conditioned' by all the stuff that is out there today.

2oldforthislark

I'm sure that dittany will be along soon to tell you that cargo is as anonmalous as the construction industry and men in montreal... They are all special cases and most normal don't look at porn.... lmao!

No man would dare come and be honest about porn on this site - he'd be tarred and featherd. Although, someguy did post the bisquit emoticon earlier...

I work in engineering and used to work in the military - actually most places I have worked my whole life were male dominated professions, sexism was rife however not all blokes were like that.

Think the sweeping generalisation that 100% of men would use porn is a bit naive tbh.

Not 100%, just most of them.

I also know several men who use porn who are not sexist - towards me anyway!

'I just seriously do not believe that he is turned on by it'

My DH is actually laughing at this comment............

Dear me.

If you are just going to resort to laughing there is no hope. Can you not have a reasonable debate with someone without denigrating their opinions?

Just because your DH keeps his brain in his scrotum and is presumably turned on by the sight of teenage girls having Ron Jeremy types jizz on their face. Well, I think he is more laughable actually.

Oh well