Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

Dittany, I don't condone porn in most of its guises, but some couples do enjoy going to sex shops and experimenting, without feeling like perverts. Coco De Mer has a beautiful line of lingerie and scents,alongside its more "alternative" goods.

I think my husband will confirm I am no "sub".

I have watched one of the videos. It was of a woman making orgasmic faces while stroking a goat. It does nothing for me, but then I'm straight. Perhaps a woman who is lesbian or bisexual can come on and comment on whether they find women stroking goats to be sexually arousing.

Oh god, if I can't even wear beautiful lingerie for myself and my husband thats pretty depressing.
Think I'll leave this thread - I've kind of sidetracked the original OP

bloody hell....do people really spend those amounts of money on dressing up ?

is it me ??? I am sooooo not getting the deer and the antlers...

I do think a lot of the videos are tongue in cheek too.
I'm no fan of goats, but then I'm as straight as they come. Doesn't stop me from admiring beautiful women though.
Right, I'm off....

I have looked through the underwear on the site - it is all for women to wear. So again, I don't understand how it is attempting to meet the sexual needs of women.

I'm not normally a fan of sex shops, but it was my decision, Dittany...and it led to a very passionate night afterwards. That was about 5 years ago, before we had DD.
Can I ask what your opinion is of the female nude in painting/sculpture?... and then I'll be off

brighton, no-one is saying there is anything wrong in dressing in whatever lingerie you like

I just find that site, CoCo de Mer, really strange and does absolutely nothing for me.. (and tbh, if you pay those kinda prices, you have more money than sense ...)

I prefer something like LoveHoney...that just sells a range of stuff and doesn't try to mess with your head. Like Asda for sex toys

I'm afraid the "art" on the coco de mer site is quite hideous.
Faceless women lying naked on mattresses - hmm, very erotic.
Don't even start me on the man giving birth picture!

I'm not going to apologise for the fact that I do like to wear gorgeous lingerie from time to time though, or for the fact that my DH loves me in stockings, in much the same way that I like him in a pair of well fitting tight white or black boxers. That has nothing to do with porn, at all. It's just frippery and sprinkles to add a different atmosphere sometimes.

I like looking at beautiful women, and indeed the goat woman is beautiful.

But I am not sexually aroused by beautiful women; I do not find them titillating, which is what you suggested the site was. I do not see how the site is meeting my sexual needs or catering to my desires.

I have no objection to lingerie or pretty girls; I object to the idea that I should find buying or wearing the underwear to be arousing or be about my sexual identity. It is clearly about DH's sexual identity.

Actually don't answer that Dittany. I really respect your opinion and I don't think I want to start an argument.
Ok - "beautiful lingerie" is very crass, but doesn't anyone else enjoy wearing nice pants and bras?
I loved treating myself tp the occasional piece in Agent Provocateur when I lived in the UK.

Actually Dittany DH does dress up for me.
We've had a really rocky couple of years and have recently found love for each other again. We like to spice things up a little but it doesn't mean that I demean myself by wearing a lace slip. I have never watched porn (apart from the vids on Coco De Mer site) and neither has he.
I read Ways of Seeing during my first year of an art degree. John Berger opened my eyes in a lot of ways, however I can still stand infront of the Birth of Venus and admire it without feeling degraded.
I really am off - its 1:20 am here...

the point is it takes all sorts. There are transvestites who dress in lingerie, there are men and women who like the fantasy of being dominated. Just because it doesn't rock out boat, it doesn't mean it is wrong. The men vs women argument about pornography is wrong. Pornography is mainly aimed at men, because they are more interested in it. Feminists, the church and patriarchal societies are all against porn. Feminists to protect women and the church and patriarchy to protect society. Feminists, the church and patriarchy all agree that the problem with porn is that it depersonalises individuals and eventually leads to loss of respect for individuals. It debases culture, loosens morals, and can eventually lead to the destruction of society. Anarchists are generally in favour of it since its ultimate licence eventually destroys society, whereas left-wing feminists and right-wing conservatives are against it.

Apologies for repetition of "actually" - it makes me sound like a teenager

I enjoy makeup, nice underwear, the colour pink, liberty prints and Mary Quant style minidresses. But I don't find them sexually arousing - my sexual desires are not about MY appearance.

So I don't find a women's lingerie site demeaning - I just find the idea that such a site would arouse me to be untrue.

I haven't been back on this thread for about a day, as I have been unwell and frankly thought it was taking a ridiculous turn. I don't reallyy have anything to add now, but it seems to me dittany that everything a woman does during sex is offensive to women. I don't mean this in a confrontational way, and I don't really want anymore arguing but if you find dressing up in lingerie so that your man finds you sexy wrong, then I am genuinely curious as to what your sex life consists of? In the least intrusive way possible do you find every kind of act to make your man happy offensive? Because surely it's give and take? I dress up in sexy lingerie because it makes me feel good about myself, and I know he will find me attractive..surely that's what sex is about?

I buy my "special" underwear from Pandoras choice and I buy the underwear for me just as much as for DH. He just happens to like the look of proper stockings and I am happy that he's happy, there's nothing wrong with that.
Everyone wants to please their partner, and why not?

I think there are too separate issues Mrs M. There is the issue of porn being degrading to women and misleading young people about what sex could be about.

Then there is the issue of there being a cultural vacuum around what women's sexual desire is, and how we identify our desires and integrate them into our personality. So there is nothing wrong with lingerie, but it is very typical that a website that is being touted as being about women's desire cannot come up with anything other than a focus on the appearance of women.

Dressing up is nice, but it isn't really much of a sexual identity. I'm happy that DH is happy, but that is not really enough, is it?

I think that's what Ariel Levy's book is about - it isn't just that porn pushes this strange idea of women's sexuality at us - it is that when you take that away, what do we have instead? Lace knickers? And Levy could not find an answer to that.