Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

Were you not given a Biology text book at school?

Expat - I have told him about it of course and he is pretty indifferent really. I think it is beyond his comprehension really as he was brought up in a small rural community where he still knows every other person passing by in the street

absinthe, I wasn't talking just about your encounters with that strange man

I was referring to the whole set of values on which you have appeared to build your life

Milly - yes, I was an A Grade student and I could draw those diagrams of front and side views at break-neck speed - never really tied in with what he showed me and I did not believe it was actually real until he 'came'. I never though an erection meant that it changed direction (did not think this was possible for any human being); just imagined it meant that it became hard and could not really imagine how people managed to have intercourse - as I said, I was naive

"I have told him about it of course and he is pretty indifferent really."

He sounds like a prince.

Georgimama - he would only care to the extent that I did and his view is that 'Nothing happened, so it's OK'

So, the fact that a man who tried to rape you when you were underage (because when someone is too young to consent it is rape) who is stalking you and threatening to do him physical harm if he 'sees' him doing something inappropriate is okay with him.

Yep. Wow! What a catch!

absinthe...if the same thing happened to your daughter....would you call it "nothing" ??

I see this thread is getting off-topic in some ways, but honestly love, why won't you admit what happened to you was sooooooo far from ok ?

You mean your hymen was still in tact when he met you despite this narrow escape, so "it's OK" by him.

I really don't see that "nothing happened" to you of any consequence - the guy wanked off in a library whilst you did your homework and is still stalking you. And your husband doesn't care?

Did I say prince? I meant "complete cock" of course. Often get the two confused.

mrs pixie x

This thread has descended into madness, primarily of absinthe's making, if ever a person was fucked up, it's her.

Bonbonbon, do fuck off, there's a dear, do you know every man in the world personally?

I think I know my husband's views / likes/ dislikes a little bit better than you do - he doesn't use porn in secret, he doesn't use porn at all.

The nastiest, creepiest, most abusive man I have ever had the misfortune to know was my B-I-L, when I was 12/13, he would openly wank in front of me and was a very regular consumer of porn.

x posted with everyone else.

The only thing that haunts me which I did consider reporting was that I saw him one day in Hertfordshire - he would not have known I was there - he was talking sheepishly to a young boy on the corner of a busy shopping street. The boy was on a bike around 10 years old and unlikely to be related to him. I just hoped that he was not grooming him too.
There was no evidence to support my theory but I have always had a very strong maternal instinct (which is kind of why I ever ended up in this situation - I wanted to have children ASAP from a very young age which flew in the face of my mother's feminism and middle-class expectations re: education).

I think I have finally come to my limit on this thread

why the fuck couldn't I have realised that about 20 pages ago ???

< kills self >

Mal - "if ever a person was fucked up, it's her" that is unkind and untrue. I see myself as a traditional wife and mother with quite old-fashioned values who might watch a couple of minutes porn once in a blue moon. My dh is pretty much the male equivalent of that

Absinthe, you are constantly backtracking on this thread.

Absinthe, you are telling people on the internet that a man you know the identity of may be grooming children and you have not voiced your concerns to the police. You are either trolling or have some kind of serious issue. I am reporting your post because MN potentially has to take some action over such a serious issue.

I've just realised it's a full moon tonight. Makes sense.

not to seem harsh but it sounds like you lacked love, attention and self-esteem...

Well, I was thinking that I am so going to have to name change now, otherwise I will forever be associated with an inconsequential part of my life-history

Hmmm, what an 'interesting' thread! I can categorically say that my DH doesn't watch porn. That doesn't make me deluded, it means I know my husband (and he spends very little time home alone!) and it isn't his thing. Anything that is available for free is tacky and really not a turn on, and he certainly wouldn't pay for it. We have a healthy sex life (slightly less than normal at the mo as I'm pregnant and my drive has dropped slightly!) and I am confident in his attraction to me. I wouldn't feel insecure if he were to watch porn if the rest of our fantastic relationship didn't change, but I would be very surprised at him. And yes, he is a very red blooded, strong, successful real man who I respect and admire...certainly not a prude nor a wuss. He has great taste...he married me!

A relationship I was in for a few years in my early 20ies was with a man/boy who had not had a serious relationship. Once we had been together for a while it became apparent that his formative experiences of sex had mainly been with porn...this was apparent because my size 10/12 figure was subtly being labelled as fat ("when are you going to go to the gym?" "You are a little larger than my friends' girlfriends, think about my feelings"...), I was deemed not vocal enough during sex, I wasn't into anal etc etc. He actually stated at one point that most women did like these things because 'it was in the films'. He was a very intelligent upper middle class boy, with a good degree from a RG uni and a successful career in international yacht racing. This is the impact that porn has on many boys, he wasn't/isn't extraordinary in any sense. I also have many male 'friends' from that circle who hold similar views. It disturbs me a little.

Luckily I saw sense and bailed, but I won't deny that it did dent my self-esteem whether I realised it at the time or not. I look back of pictures of myself then (about 5 yrs ago now) and think "god, why didn't you realise how pretty/slim you were!" The man was an arse, but it is foolish to say that porn is nothing but a harmless past-time to all. For some, yes.

It is also a little strange that some think that all men are the same in this, and of not they are not strong, red blooded etc etc. We wouldn't like similar generalisations made the other way would we? Haven't we been 'fighting' this for years?

we are through the looking glass now, fucking hell.

absinthe I have just been reading back over your posts...Im sorry to hear that you went through what you did. I know you probably dont care as you have realised that life is more important than vile old men who love to groom children and some end up raping if they get thier chance.

I honestly feel for you (for my own reasons and that of some of my family members - no one reaslises how common grooming actually is)

I would just like to point out however...as an adult you saw this man talking to a young child..I know talking isnt a crime BUT when it involves a man who you know has the capability to incriminate innocent minds its a different story. Why didnt you call the police? Maybe cause your story would have come out maybe??? I know the reasons as to why you may have held it secret to the authorities (trust me I do) but that child may now have been subjected to a vile disgusting pervert and may have now lost his innocence...as a parent watching him talk to a young child, knowing the outcomes...why didnt you do anything???

I dont mean to pry, really, I just find it really hard that when another child is involved (forgetting your own feelings) why you couldnt have done something about it...with all respect do you still think you may need to go to the police about your incident...you could save so many other childrens lives from being destroyed.

I would say that most people on this thread who are so vehemently defending porn do not have teenage children which are on the cusp of discovering their own sexuality.

It is different defending the porn uses of husbands/partners in the 30s/40s using porn. Because as teens their porn use would have been mags and videos, both pretty hard to get hold of. And probably just showing basic porn scenes. The teens of today have immediate access to porn on their phones and laptops, which can be shared and passed around, and the porn they can view for free is the real hard core crap as detailed above.

So if you view that regularly at length from the age of 14 or so how skewed is your sexuality going to be? What are you going to view as normal sex? What are you going to expect your girlfriends to accept? This all being mixed up with lapdancing clubs all over the place, Nuts mags at eye level in the shops, glamorisation of prostitution a la Billie Piper and being a Playboy bunny shown as some kind of cool comedy show.

AS the mother of a 14 year I find it all terrifying.