Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

Methinks 'Extended' is back . . .

I don't believe for one moment that the practice of exchanging de Sade was initiated by a bunch of fifteen year old girls; you said ourself that you were in danger of being preyed upon by some old pervert before you met your husband. Someone handed the first girl in your class that book, or made them think it reflected something desirable or heaven forbid, normal.

Are you by any chance slowly coming to the knowledge that all your adult life you have been sexually manipulated? If not, you should be.

"I never realised that you were a victim of rape - that obviously makes a huge difference to how you would handle porn."

Actually, you have just shot your very own argument into tiny little pieces by that sentence of yours Absinthe.

minges are shaved in porn so the camera can get a good look at the action (imo I find it quite pre-pubesant I like my lady garden neatly trimmed by my DHs own fair hands )..nothing to do with hygiene thats for sure..bumhole bleaching...to be pleasing to the viewers eye an all..Porn is about selling women and extremes of sexual gratification..nothing more nothing less

very true mathan..

Dittany - I would never patronise or dig someone who has been raped precisely because I was inches away from being raped by a vile, old, drugged-up pervert when I was under-age (who had been grooming me for years without me realising). I got away, but I could not deny that I held hands/ had my first kiss with him and naively imagined we would marry one day and have children (First male I ever spoke to socially other than my father). I turned a blind eye to his obsession with sex and violence (would draw me detailed plans of the interiors of high security prisons), stoned paranoid behaviour (I foolishly thought he was merely having a slow nervous breakdown because he was in love with me). I ignored the gunshot wounds, strong evidence of working in the sex industry etc.

He still keeps tabs on me (strange late-night phonecalls after the births of dcs and also at other times (a few a year - i could change my number 100 times but he would always have it). The last time we spoke face-to-face was just after I married dh; he told me that he loved me and would be watching dh and that dh would be dealt with appropriately if he were to 'put a foot out of line'.

I have not had therapy for it because I think I am really tough and more than over him.

Right you were being groomed by a "vile, old, drugged up pervert" when you were underage, and you and your friends just happen to develop an interest in de Sade, and then you just happen to marry a man who feels it is "very important" that you were a virgin (no sloppy seconds for him, eh?) and who was first attracted to you because you reminded him of his "favourite Italian porn star".

Have you ever thought about phoning the police, and running round in circles, screaming, while you wait for them to arrive, rather than doing important porno research so you can keep "on top of your game"?

Seriously, you need help.

In response to the OP:
Ask him to do it in secret.
As you say, your relationship is great and he is very loving towards you. It's extremely unlikely he'll stop, unless he simply doesn't feel the need anymore.
For men, there is no crossover between porn and their partner. One doesn't substitute the other

ALL men watch porn. For the posters on here saying "my partner doesn't" YES he does. He really does. He just does it secretly.
Men don't use this as a substitute for their partners though. It's images that they have enjoyed looking at since they were teenagers. Nothing wrong with it.

No, I am a tough-nut; it would take some doing for me to crumble into pieces; I am aware that not all women could handle it as well but I feel blessed that I have always belonged to happy family units and had so many fantastic opportunities in life.

"cherished vanities"??

Oh yawn bonbonbon. All men do not use porn anymore than all women aspire to be Cheryl fucking Cole. Read the whole thread (we dealt with this "all men use porn" shit about 200 posts ago) and post again when you've caught up, there's a dear.

absinthe, I dread the day a chink appears in your denial

because you are going to shatter into a million pieces

and guess what, the same people on this thread that you are managing to insult with just about every word you type, are the sort of women that would be there to help you pick up the pieces

When people tell you who they are - listen to them

I reckon i've "sucked my lemon peel dry" ....

Dittany - indoing so, you are condemning an entire generation; everyone to whom I have mentioned this has read it at around the same age. Not forgetting Venus in Furs and the rest....

georgi, I am loving your posts on this thread

respec'

What is it about being a victim of rape that would make such a difference in the way anyone would handle porn, Absinthe?

Is it that the rape victim's perceptions are skewed, or is there something about porn itself, something intrinsic that would evoke a reaction in someone who had been raped?

This is nonsense Absinthe. Most of the women I work with are in their early twenties. I work abroad for most of the Summer in shared accommodation. I have had very frank conversations both with mixed groups and women only groups. They are not reading extreme books and shaving their pubic hair.

'He still keeps tabs on me (strange late-night phonecalls after the births of dcs and also at other times (a few a year - i could change my number 100 times but he would always have it). The last time we spoke face-to-face was just after I married dh; he told me that he loved me and would be watching dh and that dh would be dealt with appropriately if he were to 'put a foot out of line'.'

And your husband's okay with this?

Because if you'd really gotten away from him, he wouldn't be able to call you or threaten your husband for the restraining order you had out on him/his criminal record for lewd behaviour with a minor.

"because you are going to shatter into a million pieces"
AF - that is unlikely to happen - I don't consider myself to be a victim of any sort. I could have walked out of the library the first day that he started wanking under the table but I insisted on still going there to do my homework.

I was pretty naive though as I had no idea what an erection looked like (or anything about male genitalia for that matter - didn't even know that balls existed). For a while, I thought the whole thing was made of cloth and he was somehow holding it there in place. The only thing for which I really resent him is for robbing me of my sense of wonder

Yes I can see how it could dittany - but what a price to pay for that wisdom.

It may be pertinent to this discussion, it may not, but I was groomed as a v young girl by a family friend I worked for one summer. He used to show me porn and talk about it; tell me things. That was his way of grooming me I presume, his tactic. It was very damaging to me and in many ways warped my perspective on sex and sexuality for many years after and had a profoundly negative effect on me in terms of how I related to men. I still say now that I lost all my innocence after that "visual" experience, more than any physical stuff -which came later.

Whenever I see discussions on here I read the posts with a mixture of interest and dread. I have learned so much from what you post Dittany, so much has fallen into place for me if that makes sense. It all makes me feel v sad actually.