Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

'That is an unconcious reaction that is programmed into the male brain and nothing to do with the man's morals. However, it is a concious choice to seek out and view pornography that defines him.'
True words of wisdom ABeEtaDad georgimama I know the difference between a 13 year old boy and a grown man.........grey hair and a wobbly tummy!

My point was that all men will 'react' to porn but not that they are all watching it 24/7!

This thread has turned into a moral battleground reagrding the acceptabilty of porn. Rather than whether a man has a need for porn and how it affects relationships.
Has anyone noticed that the OP does not appear to have been back to this thread, I think?

stayfrosty my interpretation: the expression of pain only serves that of the male/female who is watching and gets turned on by the woman in pain...sort of like an 'abuse' thing. Some people get turned on by seeing some one else in pain ( vile disgusting people). I see no reason as to why a woman in pain could sell porn vids for any other reason than this - and its sick. Within this is the element of 'control' where by the viewer is watching the male 'do' the female in a way which is satisfying his control over her. Her expressions/feelings are all made by him, giving him and viewers the feeling of empowerment and of course men are 'above' women in society. Sorry but I agree with non of it.

Are you saying that you have not experienced pain in your own sexual relationship with your dh at any time? And I thought I was vanilla

I have never experienced pain that was linked to sex, NO. i have experienced pain due to a medical thing yes. Your DH is not meant to inflict pain on you during intercourse, its not meant to hurt. And by what stayfrost quotes, the expression on the womans face is pain and not pain that she likes.

I agree, 2Old, the women on this thread have made this into an issue of ethics, rather than about men actually watching porn? I don't think the OP made reference to the industry.

And also, I can believe that there are the odd men who don't have any interest in porn, but the 25 of you all saying 'Oh my husband doesn't have any interest in porn', I'm sorry but I don't buy it. Maybe he doesn't watch it because you have made it perfectly clear what you think about it, but to say he has no interest, yeah I don't believe that. But ignorance is bliss after all eh?

YANBU I hate the normalisation of porn and the all men do it so it's fine. Yawn. It sucks.

MrsMontague, everything is an issue of ethics. Everything everything.
My DP rather likes the taste of fish but he doesn't eat it because he chose to become a vegetarian. The fish might still taste the same but the pleasure is gone when you think fully about the pain/violation of rights that went into getting the fish.
I imagine the lack of porn in his life is something similar to this.
And no, in both cases his attitude predated his relationship with me!

iggi yawn...have I not already said, countless times, that I KNOW some men might not watch it because of morals, I have said this about 5 times if you care to look back. What I said is, that even if they don't watch it because of morals it does not dispute that they might get turned on by it. Which is what you are saying, no?

I am a vegetarian so I know full well thankyou, and nobody is disputing the morals of some men who might not watch it, but that is rare. I don't care about your husband and his morals, that is not the point of this debate.

No, I think the point iggi is making is that people do not get turned on by what they find morally abhorent. Her husband no longer takes any pleasure from eating meat or fish because he has decided it is morally indefensible. But as you are rude and completely incapable of seeing anyone else's point of view, she's probably not going to bother to respond to you.

What is the point of the debate, by the way? Do you get to decide that?

mrsmontage what swingers club do you both attend?

I don't understand why the debate keeps shifting back to men using porn rather than either partner - a lot of women enjoy porn as far as I know?

Exactly absinthe, it is very frustrating. Ooh good one, Chellesgirl. What an intelligent come back

No I was being serious. I was hoping you would say you didnt attend any????

I don't I'm afraid, as I have no interest in sex with another man. I prefer the MFF combination

My husband first approached me upon the basis that I resembled his favourite Italian porn star without the breasts (I was young at the time and acquired them somewhere along the line)- he was not interested in my long list of qualifications/scholarships/internships. He still says that if I never had the right physical attributes, I could never have ended up his soulmate.

dittany what do you mean by immune? more likely or less likely to watch it?

I second your last sentence about ugly men...so tru, what about virtual sex...where they film thw woman doing all sorts of stuff to herfelf and then post as vid on net, and man can sit there and imagine himself with her.

mrsmontage You dont, thats good...but then if you dont enjoy having sex with other men, why do you allow your DH to have 'sex' with other women??? hyperthetically speaking, hes having sex with them in his head. you dont watch someone else do the 'physical' act of sex infront of you (reality) yet its ok to watch the same thing on a dvd??? Your still involving your mind within the persons on the dvd and what they are doing therefore not soley focussing on your other half???

absinthe I sure hope Im not being so incredibly thick that I think your joking???

absinthe I would say the same to women watching porn - i.e. you do know there's a reasonable chance you could be watching videorecorded abuse. That remains my sole issue with porn, and the fact that it gives young people an unrealistic view of sex, but then young people have unrealistic views of a lot of things I guess.

ChellesGirl yes I realise that, but please you must understand I like that! Sex is more about fun and exploring fantasies than it is love for me. We show each other we love each other, in a million ways, but I probably have the more male attitude in our sex life, as I cannot stand sex that is all precious and gentle. It has it's place, don't get me wrong, and when we have had tender loving sex it has happened naturally and been amazing, but for me it is better when it's purely about fun and turning each other on. And a lot of my fantasies involve other women, and he certainly doesn't complain, and he has fantasies which I induldge. To me that's sex.

Absinthe I know what you mean actually, looks don't matter in the long run when you have already fallen in love. But to actually be attracted to somebody in the first place they have to be physically appealing to you!

I genuinely don't understand how watching porn can enhance your sex life?

It's so fake and , ethics aside, it's just so far from real sex as to be ridiculous rather than a turn on, as for the amateur type stuff, I'd be creeped out by the thought that a fair proportion of videos contained women who have no idea that they are available online, there are plenty of "revenge" type sites out there and whether they are fake or not it's still a vile concept.

Of course my husband's seen porn, he was in the forces for 12 years, but he has never bought porn or sought it out - the only magazines under the bed are car ones and his dvd collection consists of sci-fi and Top gear. I've got the full box set of the lover's guide and he hasn't even watched that with me.

He doesn't get turned on by porn, it's that simple, if I put a dvd on now, he would watch it with mild ambivalence for about oooh, 3 minutes, before turning it off and watching "wrecks to riches" or "American chopper" - it wouldn't make him want to drag me upstairs for sex. It's not part of his psyche at all. He would much rather be having sex than watching it in any case.

2old, after 28 years , I can pretty much read his mind, and vice versa - I can be thinking something and he will say it.

I know exactly what turns him on / who he finds attractive and sexy, as he does with me - it's called good communication .

MrsM, I like a bit of rough sex and domination myself but I have no interest in watching others indulge, but as SGB is fond of pointing out, I have a rather extreme monogamy fetish.