Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

Georgimama if you can make the generalisation that all porn is bad, as are those who watch it. I will make the generalisation that the majority of men like porn and sex! It's true...as much as you would like to think otherwise.

AF I do understand what your saying, and I actually respect your opinions more than all of the other posters as you seem to have a realistic view on things. I can understand why that would be shocking, and as I said earlier, I don't think these women deserve that kind of treatment or that it is acceptable. I have never disputed the fact that some of the things which go on are vile. I am talking purely about comments that have been made about men who watch porn and the women who don't mind. I think it is offensive to say that these men are knowingly watching and thriving on the fact that these women have been raped, and that the women who don't mind have been brainwashed.

And I've just seen your bizarre comment about the missionary position, MrsMontague. I don't think I've done the missionary position for about ten years.

If you understand that a sizeable portion of the women participating in pornography are being coerced and abused, then you should be able to understand that men can also make that mental leap.

So which is it? Either in your world view, they are too stupid to understand this (good call) or they don't care about it. Up to you.

I never SAID that if men watch porn they will have affairs. But some people on this thread are saying 'Well it doesn't affect our sex life so I don't care' and 'At least he's not fantasising over a real woman'. Chuh, he does that as well, obviously. So what is with the total lack of compassion for women who are damaged from being involved in this sort of thing? Just write them off as wank fodder and nothing more.

It's just depressing how, when confronted with the fact that some porn is abusive, people are going 'Yeah, but..'. But nothing. It's horrible. You don't even need to make a moral crusade out of it. The facts are just there. Anyone with half a brain who reads a newspaper knows about human trafficking, they just choose to ignore it when it gets in the way of having a good wank.

I don't give a shit about my DP looking/thinking about naked women that aren't me. I don't think exclusively about him. If he wanks off in front of a Hollywood film sex scene, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, or Nuts magazine (although I would dump him purely on the grounds of having bought Nuts magazine).

Georgi I didn't say a sizeable amount, I don't deny it happens though. I think most men probably don't think about it, and I'm sorry but surfing around redtube or whatever looking at different porn clips doesn't say to me that these men have a fetish for rape and abuse, which is what many of you have implied. As horrible as it is, I am sure there are vile things on the internet that are focused on such disgusting things, but most men would be disgusted at the thought of looking for those things! Men just don't think about it, and see it as what they are...films. If they were so twisted and sick, I am sure they would be able to find something much more disturbing on the internet than a woman in a secretarys outfit being fucked by her boss, or two blonde girls in a hot tub. You are boring me, you are asking the same questions that people did 10 pages ago.

Brahms I have never said that I don't think my DH thinks about RL women too, of course he does! I think about men, but for me it's just harmless. I really don't think we are going to agree on this, as I have already said everything I want to say.

MrsM

I thank you for your acknowledgement

but I do think the way these threads get so polarised is to your detriment

because, rightly or wrongly, you get lumped together with fuckwits with absinthe who give women a bad name

some of what you say, MrsM I can identify with

I think I called you naive or summat about 300 pages back

I stand by that, because I think your focus is not women and their place in society

I think your focus is on "men will be men" and we silly women should just acquiesce or be found judged as "frigid" or "boring"

you don't have to put your man first, you can have your own opinion

and you will get annoyed at me again, because I know you have said that your man being happy and turned on is good for you

but I don't buy it

because the price it too high

I'm so sorry I am boring you. You can disengage from this thread wheneveer you like. I'm curious as to why you think men don't think about this, in your view. Too blinded by their insane sexual desire, perhaps? I don't think about men, who are people, not animals, like that. Up to you if you want to do so. The secretary (God your fantasies are prosaic) being fucked by her boss in the hottub isn't necessarily consenual. Nor are the two blonde girl on girl action (again, prosaic). I

t's not a big mental leap to make.

When I said that, dittany, I didn't mean that men who watch porn automatically have affairs or whatever, but just that women may subconsciously feel threatened by it in the same way that they would if their DP was flirting with someone else EVEN IF nothing came of it. With porn as well, the actresses are usually 25 and under and have unachievable tits. It is programmed into us to try and hang on to our mate at all costs, and see off competition. See lots of threads on AIBU saying "AIBU to be jealous that..." and usually it is something minor and nothing to worry about, but we can see their point.

But you are sort of trapped because porn is such a widespread thing, that if you really put your foot down you risk either being ignored, or annoying them, or making them keep it a secret. So in a lot of ways choosing to accept their porn use isn't really a choice. MrsM, you said 'I pick my battles'. Does that mean, in your heart of hearts, you would be a wee bit happier if he didn't watch porn? I know what you mean, if I found DP watching porn I wouldn't chuck him over it, but I wouldn't be happy. I would put up with it, I guess, or at least ignore it.

There seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding about what I said way back up the thread.

What Malificence said @ 22:39 is what I meant. Men will naturally and primitively react to a RL or image of a female body. That is an unconcious reaction that is programmed into the male brain and nothing to do with the man's morals. However, it is a concious choice to seek out and view pornography that defines him.

I am with your DH on ths one Malificence. There are quiet a lot of men who just do not like porn and certainly do not enjoy seeing women hurt. There is a hell of a lot of misunderstanding and things that are just plain factually wrong on this thread. If this is the reaction they would get, no wonder men will not talk about this issue. Frankly we need to for the good of our relationships and our children.

So, dittany you have never found any body else sexually attractive? Your sexual energy has always been focused on your husband since day 1? Wow, that's amazing. Because I certainly can't say that. My DH can happily joke along when I'm drooling over Bruce Willis, despite being very different in appearance...it doesn't stop him from watching films with him in despite me salivating!

And he has said before he would happily watch gay porn with me if I wanted, but it's not my kind of thing at all.

You can marry somebody and commit yourself to them, but you can't stop somebody from finding people sexy and fantasising, it's human nature.

I can't believe that this thread is still going on after 5 day!

All I would like to say to those who are convinced their OH's wouldn't be turned on by porn. Must be great having mind reading capabilities.........apparently you do, but I don't. Well done!

And I'm still not justifying or defending porn..........

No Brahm's because I enjoy porn, sometimes more than my husband! There have been times when I've wanted to watch it together, and he has said 'No, I just wanna focus on you tonight' And there have been times when he's been tired and I've watched it alone, and times when he has watched it alone after I've gone to bed. It's not an issue between us, in fact it's a very sexually enhancing experience for both of us sometimes.

I don't need mind reading capabilities. I talk to my husband. And I believe what he says. He has never given me reason not to.

Well that's very admirable Georgi, you must feel very comfortable within yourself and those are your choices, it doesn't mean you are better than all of those people who do enjoy porn and don't see anything wrong with it.

This seems obvious, but still doesn't seem clear to some people on this thread.

There are men who are turned on by porn, but do not watch it for ethical reasons. This ethical decision may not be to do with the feelings or opinions of their wife or partner, but instead be about the man's own opinions about pornography.

Why some people think that is implausible I do not know.

MillyR Nobody has said that all men actually watch porn, and I imagine there are a small amount of men who don't watch it for 'ethical' reasons, but for a man to be confronted with porn and not be turned on...nope, not buying that I am afraid.

because its enhancing or enjoyable does not negate the fact it is abusive,corrupt or damaging...yes it enjoyable for the some of the people who take part..and definately for those who use it..but it is what it is..

My hubby must be odd then as he said he was never into lads mags and all that (and yes he was bought up in a male house hold with brothers)but he said his porn was his bike mag...infact 20 years on still is....he respects me and my body as I him and we have a loving/beautiful and long lasting relationship and have been childhood sweethearts and together 21 years (and all without the use of porn) so maybe for all the porn addicts out there it may be hard for you to understand but he/I/we have never used/watched or wanted porn.He must be one of "those odd men" you addicts think dont excist,but I can vouch they certainly do.

Odd callous comment aside, I am grateful for this thread as it has opened up a really interesting dialogue between DH and I. So thank you.

Oh and Malificence
" He likes women, he loves sex, but his "porn" would consist of ferraris with their bonnet open or an Omega watch catalogue."
Are you married to my husband?

Also I want to add to my above statement my husband has never had the need to look at porn first to get turned on to then go on and have sex with me....my body is enough to turn him on even after 20 years and Im all WOMAN, NATURAL & REAL..no falseness about me....