Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

I have skimmed the thread, and find the debate interesting and thought provoking, especially as someone who occasionally views on line porn.
The abuse and degradation of women is not an issue to be taken lightly, although I do agree that there are some women who are exhibitionists by choice (i.e willing participants in dogging).

Given that the issue of being penetrated has been cited as one of the points behind a woman's victimisation, may I ask where gay porn fits into the argument? Are the participants also seen as abused victims in need of protection from the power base behind the production of porn?

I am going out, not just posting and running. And I am not introducing gender as a defence to justify my viewing of porn, I am genuinely interested if these men are also seen in the same light and as such are worthy of equal protecton.

Exactly my point MitsubishiWarrioress!

I DO understand that a lot of porn is abusive, blah, blah, degrading to women etc. But where does gay porn fit into this arguement??????

Just as I was wrong to generalise that all men sometimes watch porn, it also wrong to say all porn is abusive.

BTW I am not a 'porn defender'. I did say earlier on that, in an ideal world, there would be NO porn. I do have a teenage son and I really don't like to think about what he can view online!

Gay porn can easily be abusive! The same factors apply. Just because it's two men (or more) rather than a man and a woman doesn't signify.

or two women

You know, objecting to all pron because some of it is abusive, is a bit like joing a nudist colony because Primark exploits workers.

Because of course men NEED porn in the same way that people NEED clothes? I have heard of men who have actually died from hypothermia because they hadn't watched enough porn.

Lol, the analogy still stands am afraid. It was meant to illustrate the OTT reaction of some people here.

You could probably get along ok without clothes, if you moved somewhere warm or stayed indoors most of the time - which most people do anyway these days

Here's a better analogy: Food.

Coffee, chocolatte, sugar and bananas for example. They all have a history of being produced in morally dubious conditions. We can all live without them. So why don't we all give up all of them?

Amber I tried to make that point earlier in the thread, and people just made jokes about how it's not the same thing. But I completely agree with you, people will have principles when it's convenient. Of course your morals are the problem when your husband is getting off on naked women, but principles can take a back seat when it comes to cheap labour and farming with your clothes and your coffee...things that you might not want to give up!

amber1979 again with the 'analogy' word on
porn thread!

Hehe 2old

It's the same thing leningrad in principle. These women have sex to make money, farmers work in the hot sun all day for pennies to feed their families. It is the same ethical questioning arising? But of course you wouldn't see that as the same, it's much easier to have morals about something which doesn't actually affect you, and hell...if it means your husband can't look at naked women, well that's just a bonus for you right?

Where your food and clothes come from does not affect womens' self esteem and perceived desirability.
Porn can be harmful and damaging to relationships when it's used in secret, it must be devastating for a woman to find out that the man she loves isn't who she thought he was because he either lied or omitted the truth about his porn habit.

The women who don't like porn haven't got a problem - the men who have to use it, even if it's seriously upseting their partner, definitely have got a problem.

If a couple like to use porn, either jointly or separately, that's their choice, but when it's hidden, as with any secret, it becomes like a cancer, eating away at trust.

So Mal are you seriously implying that porn is more harmful than children working in sweatshops? Many of these women will be in porn by choice, maybe not for the right choices but still there. Why are you all acting as though everyone of these women has had a gun to her head? It is convenient to sidestep the other issues just because they dont affect womens self esteem

Some of you give feminists a bad name. It is not the worst thing in the world you know.

I second that Mal im with you on that one!

I'm not commenting on the "morality" or otherwise of porn, at all.

I'm commenting on the potential harm that secretive porn use can have on relationships, I'm pretty sure that the women devastated by finding porn on the computer have husbands who tell them they don't use porn.
It's not simple viewing, it is making use of the images for masturbation for the men who consume it, and that's pretty uncomfortable for most women, saying that all men do it is neither true nor does it make it ok.

I rented a Petra Joy film, supposedly "porn for women", actually it was fairly ridiculous,it wasn't much different to normal porn, not a turn on in any way and DH didn't even want to watch it, he's not interested in watching, he'd much rather be doing.

Well yes, I agree with you that men should not hide it from their partners. I do however, find it difficult to understand why women would be threatened by it. And it seems that if men are given the freedom, they are less likely to be decietful...obviously not in all cases though.

I don't find it difficult to understand at all, there have been a number of posts on here, from pregnant or new mothers whose partners have been using porn and the women are devastated, as have the women whose husbands don't want sex with them but will stay up wanking to porn.

Then you have the mums of teenage daughters who find it really nasty to think of their husbands looking at the barely legal type porn, what's hard to understand about that?

I always feel that men ( especially in relationships) who are very regular consumers of porn aren't very rounded human beings and don't have a high level of emotional intelligence. If a person needs porn to get aroused it's a bit sad.

It's certainly not healthy for teenagers to grow up with easy acccess to porn that mainly features shaved genitals, fake breasts, anal / double penetration as standard, mature adults can see it for what it is, but immature adolecents are being conditioned to think this is all "normal".

I think that schools should counter this with showing something like the lovers guide, which features real, loving, pleasurable sex.

dittany, that's very sad - but that is the fault of the people involved, it is not the fault of the men who watch porn, most of them would have no idea! you can't blame viewers, how would they know?

2old was not talking about the actual food, but the people who suffer to make the cheap food/coffee people buy! So yes, it is the same, it is exploiting real people to indulge others. It is the same principle.