Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think that my 3yr old should not have to take himself to the toilet at nursery?

94 replies

twirlymum · 19/02/2010 09:03

I haven't been on here in aaaaages, but I know I can rely on you lovely ladies for some good old common sense, so tell me if I'm being neurotic please......

My ds (just 3) is due to start nursery next week. It is my third choice, as he didn't get a place at the others. I visited for the second time last week, and stayed with ds for the session. I was a bit shocked to find that the children are expected to take themselves to the toilet, and do not even have to ask/tell a teacher before they go.
This concerns me on a number of levels:
He is a boy. He very rarely wees in a straight line.
I think he will have trouble getting on and off the toilet (they are small toilets, but even so)
He will definitely have trouble wiping his bottom if he has to poo.
He forgets to wash his hands
He has trouble, and no-one even knows he is in there.

I would have thought that from a 'health and safety' point of view, they should at least have an adult there?

Your advice please.

OP posts:

mii · 19/02/2010 09:05

YANBU

It was one of the reasons I pulled DS out of his playschool.

He does go to the toilet at home on his own but can call if he needs help. The toilets were down a corridor at playschool and they would not have heard him.

GlastonburyGoddess · 19/02/2010 09:07

YABU, he will cope, all part of the learning experience. They cannot be expected to take each child to the toilet. I think you are being a little pfb and you should relax about it and see how it goes, if he has problems, then speak to the staff but Im sure he'll be fine

Lizzylou · 19/02/2010 09:08

That is odd.
At DS2's preschool they ask to go to the toilet and are taken by a member of staff, who either goes in with them or waits outside the door depending on the child.

3 is a bit young and I know what you mean about boys! Surely the toilets must get filthy

belgo · 19/02/2010 09:09

YABU. The nursery school will be perfectly used to coping with three year old boys. Don't worry about it, don't even think about it, unless they bring it up with you.

mii · 19/02/2010 09:09

PFB because she doesn't want her child weeing everywhere and walking around with a pooey bum?

Fruitbatlings · 19/02/2010 09:10

I would expect a 3 yr old to be able to take him/herself to the toilet, especially if it's a small loo. Although it might depend on wether he's just turned three or approaching four...?

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/02/2010 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bucharest · 19/02/2010 09:11

Dd's teacher made a point of making them all go to the loo on their own right from day 1.

She had a group with 26 children in it (on her own- we're in Italy,) Otherwise as GG says, she would just have spent all day in the loo with them all!

It's a nice way to start them off on the road to independence. Of course if any child was in difficulty in there, she went to sort it out.

memoo · 19/02/2010 09:11

YABU, He'll never learn to do it alone if he isn't allowed to do it himself. Yes he'll make mistakes along the way, but thats how children learn.

EssenceOfJack · 19/02/2010 09:11

I am in 2 minds about this.
DD1 is at a nursery that is part of the school aqnd the one thing all the parents hate is that they go to the loo in pairs of children, down 2 flights of concrete steps, to a loo in the cloakrooms where there are no nearby classrooms.
I hate it, but there have been no accidents in the years they have been doing it, sometimes it gets messy, and DD1 and her friends wipe each others bottoms(not very well, that's why the )
I have mentioned that I am not happy and they just say that sendin them in pairs means there is someone to help, and they have to ask so someone can go looking after awhile.
I hate it, but as our class is the current in a long line I can put up with it.

MeMySonAndI · 19/02/2010 09:13

At 3 years old I would expect that he would be far more than ready not to have his hand hold by an adult every time he gets to the toilet.

Yes, the toilets get filthy, but if you want to wait until he has a perfect aim, you will be doing for several years more.

It is about fostering independence, and for him to learn that he is able to cope with this and other bigger things in the future. It is also a preparation for Reception, because believe me, no matter what, the teacher won't walk with him to the toilet or check that he doesn't need help.

So better to allow him to take the first steps in that environment than wait until later.

mii · 19/02/2010 09:14

EssenceofJack, they wipe each others bottoms, fuck that for a laugh

I can't believe this thread and I am the least precious parent around, but it doesn't matter if they are walking around with a shitty bum cause you can put them in the bath later?????

That isn't going to make them learn, its just going to the get to the age when they are actually able to do it and then they will, making them struggle for 6mths first is ridiculous

mii · 19/02/2010 09:15

MeMySonandI, there is a huge difference between a 4yr old at school and a just turned 3yr old at nursery

GibbonInARibbon · 19/02/2010 09:15

At DD's pre school they all go by themselves unless they ask a teacher who of course accompanies them. I really wouldn't worry, if you are that concerned mention it to his key worker?

MeMySonAndI · 19/02/2010 09:16

I see, like a year of practice going to the toilet on their own?

MrsGravy · 19/02/2010 09:17

Depends how far away the loos are really and whether the teachers will help if needed. In DD and DS's school (and nursery) they can take themselves off to the loo - and are encouraged to do so - but the loos are right by the class and the teachers are happy to help if need be.

I would expect independence to be encouraged at this age but help to also be on hand when it's needed.

reikizen · 19/02/2010 09:17

He will be fine. He isn't he first 3 year old boy to go to that nursery I suspect! At the nursery my two went to/goes to they take themselves to the toilet and cope very well. Having said that the toilets are right next to the room they play in so the staff are aware of who is in their and if they need help. I'm sure they do wee on the floor, get poo on their knickers and forget to wash their hands but so what? They are learning a valuable life skill and they certainly need to be able to do it by the time they start school.

MillieMummy · 19/02/2010 09:18

My DS is 3 and he is expected to take himself to the toilet. His nursery is montessori so this is part of the 'ethic'.

The toilets are off of their room so no safety issues - I would not be so happy if he had to take himself off to another part of the building.

TBH he is not great - we have accidents and horrible pants at the end of the day often, but he's going to have to do it by himself at some point - lets face it they don't take them to the toilet when they start school.

gorionine · 19/02/2010 09:19

I think YAB a bit U, unless like mii the toilet were a bit far from the main setting.

Just mention to the nursery teacher that he sometimes struggles ans if she could keep an eye on him the first few days, maybe, until he gets more "aquainted" with the different toilet and routine of washing his hands?

TBH the though of asking the teacher to take DD4 to the toilet did cross my mind (she is 3, started nursery in January)but then thought that I do ultimatly trust the staff there and if really she was having trouble in the toilet they would :

help her (has happened at least twice that I know of)

tell me to work on it with her if the problem was really persistant.

mii · 19/02/2010 09:19

no, like better co-ordination, able to understand wiping front to back, not just doing one cursery wipe but checking that the paper is clean, better skills at washing their hands without getting soaking wet and flooding the bathrooms

nulgirl · 19/02/2010 09:19

My dd nursery doesn't take them. I think that from the age of 3 they should be capable of going themselves if there are small toilet. They won't get it right perfectly but they quickly learn how to do it themselves.

The nursery staff will help if any of the children have accidents. They spend time with the children teaching them about washing hands etc and there is a janitor who is around all day and cleans the toilets several times a day.

I think it is a great thing as it teaches them to "own" and take responsibility for their toileting needs. My dd loves feeling like a big girl and having control and not having to ask an adult

suwoo · 19/02/2010 09:22

Ds1 is 3 and 2 months and is starting foundation stage on Monday. There is no way that his teachers are going to be able to escort him to and from the toilet. He'll just learn to manage independently a bit quicker.

mii · 19/02/2010 09:23

"TBH he is not great - we have accidents and horrible pants at the end of the day often, but he's going to have to do it by himself at some point - lets face it they don't take them to the toilet when they start school."

Yes but he will be a year old then and much more able. What is the problem with the teacher taking them to the toilet, standing outside and asking them at the end if they need any help? Why should they have to walk around with poo in their knickers because 'they are going to have to do it on their own one day anyway'

nickytwotimes · 19/02/2010 09:23

Ds goes on his own and has done since the age of 3.

I know all kids are different, blah, blah, but he will manage. None of the 40 kids at ds's place go home wet or dirty. If they have difficulties, someone will help, but otherwise they are perfectly capable.

mii · 19/02/2010 09:24

How do you know they aren't dirty? how many people on this thread have said their DC's pants and dirty when they come home?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread