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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate hugging?

102 replies

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 17/02/2010 17:44

I love hugging dp/ds, but nobody else. Mil gives me whiskery hugs, and a friend inflicts long braless hugs on me which I find excruciating. They give me shudders for about ten minutes afterward, that "nails on a chalkboard" feeling iyswim? But thankfully no-one else usually hugs me.

And then today I met my new home start volunteer who was very nice, but when she got up to go she swooped in and gave me a big hug, and my heart utterly sank. I've let another hugger into my life, and I'm going to see her every week. At least I only see the other huggers every few weeks. Waaah!

Am I the only one who hates hugs? Is there a polite way of saying "Don't touch me you give me the creeps?"

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 17:48

Sorry I'm a hugger and kisser and patter of arms. Can you develop rampant BO?

ShowOfHands · 17/02/2010 17:49

I can't bear it. 11 years I've been with dh and his family still swoop in for hugs and kisses when we arrive/leave. It doesn't get better, just worse. DH's grandparents kiss me On The Lips and I just cringe for hours afterwards.

Hugging anybody other than dd/dh = itchy teeth.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 17/02/2010 17:53

On the lips??? Oh god no I wouldn't be able to contain the massive "BLEEEURGHGEROFFME!"

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 17:53

YANBU.

I cannot stand being hugged by strangers, or even friends. I have sensory and personal space issues and it feels awful when someone hugs me. I can sympathise with the way it makes you feel.

I tend to step back when I see someone going in for a hug,and would extend my hand instead. I don't care if it's rude.
If possible I will explain that I'm not comfortable with it and that I have sensory issues.

heQet · 17/02/2010 17:55

No, you're not alone. I am not keen on invasion of my personal space

Worse than hugs are those people who get so close to you when talking to you! I have to step backwards and then they move forwards to close the gap What is WRONG with them? I moved back - take the bloody hint!

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 17:59

I don't do the getting up close to talk thing - I wouldn't like that.

I certainly wouldn't be offended if you said you weren't comfortable with hugging.

lolapoppins · 17/02/2010 18:08

Hate it, hate it.

I can't bear it when guests are leaving, and we are all at the front door and there is just the expectation to hug and kiss on the cheek. It makes me so uncomfortable, and if I really have to I always end up going in the wrong way, bumping cheeks and feeling live a prize idiot.

Manly handshake and a pat on the back is far preferable.

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 18:12

I don't understand why it's so horrible,
It only goes on for a very short length of time.

Manly handshakes???? That is so formal.

PixieOnaLeaf · 17/02/2010 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

heQet · 17/02/2010 18:16

It's the invasion of your space. I've got an invisible circle around me if you step into it, I have an overwhelming urge to push you back out

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 18:18
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 17/02/2010 18:19

Kurrikurri as I said, it's that nails on a chalkboard thing, it may only go on for a short time but while it's happening you just shudder and hate it.

I just don't like being pressed up against someone (especially women, I don't like boobs on me! and no I'm not homophobic or anything silly like that) it feels really intrusive.

OP posts:
blu3sky · 17/02/2010 18:20

I used to hate hugs when I was younger - then everyone went through this phase at school and college where you hugged all the time! Suddenly all my mates were touchy feely and I was forced to adjust or be an outcast . My mum was so surprised when I voluntarily hugged her goodbye at that time so now I hug her lots. It still feels really really awkward with everyone else except DH of course .

heQet · 17/02/2010 18:21
Grin
DebiNewberry · 17/02/2010 18:21

I am a hugger. But, I don't hug people who don't like it. I read the runes and act accordingly.

LisaD1 · 17/02/2010 18:22

I only make friends with people who look like non-huggers!! Family know me too well to even bother trying as I can't hide my displeasure!

Only ever hug DH/DC.

Can't bear someone in my space.

HuwEdwards · 17/02/2010 18:22

No, breast to breast hugs - yuck. Similarly kissing.

I have a very good Spanish friend who (double)kisses all friends with the exception of me as she said she could always sense I would growl in response.

PixieOnaLeaf · 17/02/2010 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 18:24

Don't worry Pixie - I think I am sounding like the odd one on this thread

Owls · 17/02/2010 18:24

Ah no something else to worry about. I am a hugger. So shoot me.

Owls · 17/02/2010 18:25

Oooh hugs Kurri.

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 18:28
bibbitybobbityhat · 17/02/2010 18:28

Am a hugger and kisser myself, but find it very odd to get a hug or kiss from someone I have only just met.

Also, the one kiss or two question? I much prefer one. Can't we all just agree to stick with one to avoid the confusion?

Its a shame you don't feel comfortable with a hug or kiss from your ILs after 11 years soh .

bibbitybobbityhat · 17/02/2010 18:30

Kurrikurri - come over here! - my arms are outstretched

KurriKurri · 17/02/2010 18:34
Grin