to think that if you had a good birth experience with your dc's you should recognise that not everyone is that lucky?

[queenoftheslatterns]

and obviously vice versa.

on FB last night one of my friends (obviously watching one born every minute - ive sky+'d it to watch later) stated that the women were making a fuss, she didnt moan at all, giving birth is easy and natural.

on here too, there were a few threads calling the women wimps etc. we all know that not everyone has a great time of it. a lot of women need medical intervention and giving birth is still quite a risky thing for many women. yes, its great that some women have "soap labours" a bit of straining and baby's out, but for a lot of women labour is scary, exhausting and very, very hard work.

Sure you should recognise that different women have different experiences.

Sadly, the general trend seems to be to portray labour as dangerous, horrible, painful, frightening and medical and to tell horror stories at the drop of a hat.

I far prefer to hear postive birth stories and would encourage more women who have had a pleasant experience that they treasure to speak out!

As a first timer, it is really easy to get bogged down in other people's gleefully-related misery stories!

agree with that, but the general thbought seemed to be "ah, its easy, making a fuss of nothing" when its often scary. nothing prepares you for it and being scared/tired/overwhelmed isnt being "silly" its natural.

YANBU

My first baby was born following a 40hrs of regular contractions (although not technically labour as didn't dilate at all until the last 10 mins and baby was back to back so mega ouchy) uterine hyperstimulation and a crash section under general anaesthetic that caused massive damage to my vocal chords and left me with ptsd.

My sister, in comparison, had her first baby last month after a 9 hour labour and natural birth, uncomplicated apart from a small tear. She knows all about what happened to me, yet still felt the need to tell me that I was 'lucky' to have had a section!

I love hearing positive birth stories , i had one bad (screamed my head off, pushing for 8+ hours) and one good (no screaming and only had to push twice), i think its good for people to see both TBH.

Agree, I'd never deny anyone the reality of their own experience, or match mine with theirs, but mine were both easy and quick births.
When I talk to women who haven't yet had a baby, they are amazed because all they ever hear is the 15+ hours of agony, complications and the terror builds in them. Fortunately my mother had three, took effort and some pain but short and complication-free and those were the thoughts I took into my first labour.
No woman giving birth is a wimp.

IMO she either had a bad time and is covering up her (slightly odd) feelings of being "no good" at giving birth or she is just plain inexperienced.

I was with my sister when she produced baby no. 4 and I can vouch for the fact she got a bit grumpy, a bit bossy then calmly produced a 7lb baby while telling me what to do until the midwife finally toddled up the path.

On the other hand, when I was daft enough to have my first at 45, it took the best part of two days, they lost his heartbeat 40 hours in and had to take emergency action with a scalpel. I distinctly remember making a bit of a fuss.

Just wish her good luck for next time!

exactly. i dont tell first time mums much about my birth experience, i make it clear that a cs isnt "the easy option " most first timers (myself included) think it is, but i just say "its different for every woman"

we just cant seem to find a middle ground though. those with good labours and no experience of bad sneer (or so it seems) at women making "unnecessary fuss" while women who had horrendous births feel the need to terrify first timers.

Have you seen the programme your friend is talking about, OP? It was very much filmed to show one of the women as being a bit OTT - her own mum was telling her she needed to calm down and the girl did refer to herself as 'a wimp'.

Obviously everyone has dif. labour experiences, but I think that particular programme was trying to make viewers think that this girl was hamming it up a bit.

It depends what your 'good birth experience' is though. I had a lovely NCTastic water birth with DS which was great. DSIL had a elcs with her DD which was also great. Both happy but very different experiences. I don't think either of us would have swapped.

I also think everyone recognises that the long labours ending in intervention/EMCS are horrible for the mother but most labour falls somewhere between the 2 pushes to whal music and full on medical intervention. It depends what the mother is happy with and was anticipating.

YANBU

I fully understand that its important to put a positive spin on labour and women need to feel supported and encouraged and to be mentally prepare themselves for a positive birth. I really thought I was. However, circumstances beyond my control meant after two and half days of labour I ended up with an emergency CS. It's not what I planned but I had a healthy baby at long last and that was the aim after all!

I think its vitally important to understand that labour can be different experience for everyone and some are 'luckier' than others.

I find it really annoying when people ( yes mainly on here) give out oodles of praise for a short simple birth story as if those with agonising long difficult labours have somehow screwed up.

But you're a bit damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Invariably, maybe because they are so very personal to the individual, a birth story gets presented as either 48 hrs of living hell teetering on the brink of death for all concerned, or damp pants, a few huffs and out pops a baby, back in the paddy fields by teatime.

Mine was a bit normal I suppose, which is why I don't really talk about it. It hurt (quite a lot) I didn't especially like it, or feel empowered or anything, saw it as a means to an end...was effing glad when it was over....y'know, hardly a birth story to make people sit up and take notice.

We just only get to hear the easy-peasy or scary-mary ones, I suppose.

i did say in my op that i have sky+d it to watch later, but it was the "giving birth is easy and natural" statement that pissed me off. there is nothing wrong with having a good experience, but there is also nothing wrong with being scared and overreacting, especially if you dont know whats happening. as i said, nothing prepares you for labour. she may have (to many others) been overreacting and making a meal of it, but we all have different pain threasholds.

Look whether you have a good labour is dependent on so many factors.

Until you have had a labour go wrong, you will always suspect that everyone else is just making a fuss and that those who manage naturally are just better, have more grit and determination etc

it's like breastfeeding - if you had exerienced no problems you would perhaps think that those who did have problems, deep down, didn't want to breastfeed anyway.

In reality- women sometimes need intervention in labour, sometimes thebsufering is beyond what's normal.

exactly bucharest. mine fell into the traumatic category with a LOT of post-natal problem (surgeon putting bladder in wrong place and going undetected for 3 years was a particular high point) which is why i dongt talk about it. instead i talk about sil's labours, 1 quite long, one quite short, both very "normal".

I felt really sorry for the woman last night, its so personal how you handle pain. I know that people often go on about how I was lucky to have three "easy" labours with no pain relief or with gas and air BUT that annoys me too because what they dont mention is the fact that because I didnt act like a "typical" woman in labour (no regular contractions, they were close together from the start but not regular enough, no contractions AT ALL showing on the monitor and you couldnt feel my tummy tightening it from the outside) no one believed me i was in labour - I wanted pain relief but with my first for example I just had to wander the corridor until I started pushing and someone finally believed me.

To me this is not a good experience and when the same thing happened with my second I am sure it contributed in a major way to my PND and yet people still find the need to tell me how much worse their labours were - again how you remember and interpret things is very personal so its best to just listen and not comment on a birth story in my opinion.

I had an easy ride with DS and am expecting a similarly easy time with DS2. I do recognise that I am lucky but I also take some credit for the fact because I did educate myself a lot, I did spend up to 2 hours a day practising the hypnobirthing etc.

What can be upsetting is how my birth story is dismissed or mocked or I am told I am mean for sharing it, that isn't fair - there are good birth stories around but you rarely hear them because it can seem like the only valid birth story is a horrific one.

I usually don't bother anymore, so that is one less story that is positive doing the rounds.

YANBU but I doubt if these kind of programmes help TBH as they always put a spin on things to try to emphasise a particular theme/view.

I would no sooner want to watch 'One Born Every Minute' than boil my own head, frankly!

What women need is clear, honest information to explain how giving birth feels (in as far as anyone can - though I don't think anyone can fully explain it) and information about the pros and cons of different interventions/drugs etc.

The important thing is for the woman to feel that she was in control, and comfortable with the decisions she made for that particular labour.

X posts there Morloth - but I entirely agree that sometimes women are judged (and I've seen it on MN) for describing their own, postive natural birth experience.

I remember describing my first birth on a thread once, which was natural, but horrendously painful, and another poster actually questioned the level of pain I felt:

'Did you really feel that Violet?'

• as if someone who has had a natural birth must have had a really easy labour. Very very judgemental.

YANBU

I got into a bit of an argy on the epidural thread, as my issue is the only positve stories (on here anyway) seem to be the "no drugs" births.Well thats great for some, but not so bgreat for the mothers that cant handle the pain, or have loooong painful labours.

Many epidural stories seem to end with disaster, and for people that are nervous of the pain and cant tough out 12 hours + of agony its a bit disheartening.

I felt sorry for the woman on OBEFM last night, and though her Mum was lovely she would have pissed me off! I was screaming at the screen GIVE HER SOME PETHEDINE!!!!

we need a balanced thread on here dont we? birth stories good and bad type of thing.

ha ha violet its you!!!! runs and hides

"I had a lovely NCTastic water birth with DS which was great. DSIL had a elcs with her DD which was also great. Both happy but very different experiences. I don't think either of us would have swapped. "

She wouldn't swap the 6 weeks recovery after a section, the catheter, the inability to pick up your own baby for the first (few?) nights, the longer hospital stay, the limitations on picking up any previous children before you've recovered, etc., etc. for an uncomplicated water birth?

Really?

I just had a elcs that was a pretty nice experience (well, compared to previous emcs) and I would swap for a lovely water birth any day.

I still have 4 weeks where I can't drive and can't pick up my toddler. It's a bit shit really, as grateful as I am for the safe delivery of dd2.

Are there really women who would prefer to undergo major abdominal surgery than have an uncomplicated labour?

skidoodle, a while ago i was talking to colleague who was pg with her 1st and she was saying that she hoped she would get a cs so "it wouldn't hurt" i asked her what she thought having your abdomen cut open was like and made it very clear that recovery from a cs is long and its really not the pain-free alternative people seem to think it is.

skidoodle one of my closest friends is Too Posh to Push, she freely and openly admits this. She has a favourite surgeon, a favourite hospital and books in the minute she gets knocked up.

She has zero interest in a vaginal birth and has bucketloads of money, so the hospital is private (and closer to a hotel than a hospital - is in Brisbane), she stays for a week, when she goes home her mum moves in to look after her older children, all she needs to do for the recovery time is laze about.

Personally I think it is excellent that she knows what she wants and is able to get things sorted the way she does.

She thinks I am mad with the hypno stuff, but we both love each other and respect the other's choices.

Personally I think pethidine should be offered routinely for fun, I had a shot when I broke my wrist, fantastic stuff.