to think that if you had a good birth experience with your dc's you should recognise that not everyone is that lucky?

[queenoftheslatterns]

and obviously vice versa.

on FB last night one of my friends (obviously watching one born every minute - ive sky+'d it to watch later) stated that the women were making a fuss, she didnt moan at all, giving birth is easy and natural.

on here too, there were a few threads calling the women wimps etc. we all know that not everyone has a great time of it. a lot of women need medical intervention and giving birth is still quite a risky thing for many women. yes, its great that some women have "soap labours" a bit of straining and baby's out, but for a lot of women labour is scary, exhausting and very, very hard work.

The support and information that a woman gets during labour seems, in a lot of cases, to make the difference between a 'good' or 'bad' experience.

My first labour was horrendous. I was labouring for nearly 2 and a half days, the baby was back to back and I wasn't dilating properly. It was agonising and after 2 days I was totally exhausted but the midwifery teams at the small maternity unit were wonderful, as was my husband. They made sure that I was informed all the way through and kept me going when I didn't think I could manage any more and stopped me from falling apart when I was panicking. When the baby's heartbeat started dipping I was transferred to a large hospital about 30 miles away for an emergency c section. My midwife came with me in the ambulance giving me gas and air and stayed with me at the hospital. Amazingly I had fully dilated during the transfer and actually gave birth naturally with her helping. There was some tearing and I dislocated my coccyx because the head was awkwardly presented but I can look back on it all without it being traumatic. It was hard and unbelievably painful but not terrifying, I think because of the support I had.

My second labour was the smug kind of quick and easy home birth. The pain was minimal and easily controlled with TENS and dancing to MTV. When the midwives arrived one came to examine me while the other one brought the stuff in from the car. One more contraction and she was having to catch the baby. I never did get my gas and air!

Whippoorwhill - I wholeheartedly agree with your first sentence. I experienced a similar first labour to yours - not as long, and I managed to avoid the transfer to hospital, but I remember the feeling that I couldn't go on any more. Although it was extremely painful, I look back on it as a 'good' birth because the midwife was wonderful, truly supportive and had total belief in me. I am a big fan of MLUs as they enable the mother to build up a supportive relationship with all the midwives in the team, so that whoever is on duty when you happen to have your baby is a known face - another really important factor. Speaking to the midwives after the birth, I also discovered how much they all loved working there, and how they felt that they were truly able to give each woman the individual care which doesn't always happen on busy labour wards in large hospitals. I'm sure all those factors contribute to the mother feeling good about the birth, even when it's been horrendously painful.

yanbu
I feel blessed that my labour was so straightforward and feel incredibly lucky that I didnt have to go through what some women go through. B2B, pushing for hours, contracting for hours, failing to progress [shudders] I suppose I got a 3rd degree tear to balance it out a bit but fucking hell some women go through it! How would I dare to presume anyone who had a harder experience than me was making a fuss?

I had a technically "lovely" water birth with dd1 which left me with ptsd and I think seriously contributed to my PND. It took us 4 years to sort it all out in my head so I could cope with the idea of having another child.

This one will be by cs and although I am not looking forward to being sliced open and the long recovery from surgery, it is to me an infinitely preferable option to the water birth. So yes, I wouldn't swap.

And although I join the ranks of the scared shitless horrible birth stories, I do like to hear from my friends who genuinely had normal births which whilst painful, were also fulfilling and not distressing either. It's true that there's not much in the way of "happy medium" stories out there.

My first experience of birth was horrendous but the second was totally opposite - couldn't have been easier.
I'm always very careful not to tell the horror story of my first DD's birth to any new Mums-to-be and I'm grateful that no-one told me theirs. It's not what they need to hear.

I am very pro-choice regarding intervention - bring on the epidural, c-section, pethidine or anything else you feel like at the time.

People are often amazed to find out I had two straightforward, easy-peasy natural births, despite a very long pre-labour on the first and a wagon of a midwife on the second (I barely even noticed her tbh but she is legendary).

I think I was very lucky and agree 100% that it's simply not like that for a lot of women.

not read all the posts but OP, you said you said you hadn't seen the programme. I think the comments on last night's thread are slightly being taken out of context. My interpretation was that posters (including me) weren't suggesting Sam wasn't in pain or that labour is easy, we were commenting on her behaviour - the fuss she was making was of epic proportions. Last week the programme showed 2 mums, one delivered vaginally, one was an urgent CS. The mum who delivered vaginally coped admirably with the pain and her labour was what would probably be considered to be straightforward. The comments about her were all positive IIRC and there was nothing but sympathy for the CS mum. Similarly much concern was voiced by posters when the decision was made that Sam needed an emergency CS.

It's interesting, this is the second post I've noticed (one was on last night's thread in telly addicts) where mnttrs seem to be taking comments about the programme to be some sort of personal comment about them and their labour. My labour didn't go to plan and I was devastated to have had to have an emergency CS, but I can make the distinction between people passing comments on a tv programme and my own experience.

Bottom line is birth is a personal experience. No one can know how it felt for another woman and I wouldn't condone judging someone else's experience on that basis.

maxpower, i have now seen the programme and i dont think she was "making a fuss of epic proportions" and i think its a bit meanspirited to say so.

she was obviously terrified, we dont know how baby was lying, she wa ill-prepared for the trauma of labour. i passed out at 2cm dilated, never got any further after 3 days and had a crash cs just like Sam.

was i making a fuss? were the other women on trhis thread (and many others) who found labour unbearable.

where is it written that labouring women should bite down on a rag and just get on with it? in the programme there was obviously some kind of problem (hence the need for a cs) i dont think comments were taken out of context at all. its like the whole "too posh to push" myth, what gives anyone the right to judge another human on the way they react to fear and pain?

im not taking it as a personal comment on myself and my labour, but a few years ago i would have. its a sensitive issue, how about some sensitivity?

Sorry queen, no intention to offend.

Don't get me wrong, I opted for an epidural at 3cm dilated following induction so I'm not claiming that I was a martyr to pain etc. However, I wasn't screaming, shouting, swearing, calling my unborn baby a "little bitch" and I think it was this behaviour that posters were commenting on.

None of my comments have suggested that Sam wasn't frightened or in pain. I totally agree most first time mums feel this way. I was following the telly addicts thread last night (which I assume is what spurred you into starting this thread) and I didn't get the impression that people were saying she wasn't in pain. However, the way the programme was edited has a big part to play in it.

I'd also point out that I finished my post by agreeing that people shouldn't judge other people's birth experiences and I'm not judging how painful or difficult she or anyone else foudn their labour.

You say that you have not taken the comments personally, yet you refer to our own experience. I don't know if you were making a fuss, I wasn't there. But there is a difference between how a person behaves during labour and how difficult a labour is. Your labour sounds very difficult (as was mine) but all I know is that I didn't behave like Sam did. Did you?

To many people my DD's birth seems horrid, 3 days of contractions, no sleep for 2 days prior to that with prodomal labour pains, slow dilation followed by drip and epi but to me it was still a beautiful and postive experience, each to their own and all that.

I think that 'good birth experience' is a very subjective thing. My good one could be the next women's worst case scenario.

I think that many women like to recount their birth story - without always thinking about the effect it may have on the person they're telling, especially if they're a first-time Mum to be.

I know that I'm guilty of this, and now (usually) keep the details to myself, admit to them that it is hard and painful but that it's finite, and the means to the best possible end - seeing your baby born.

One thing I didn't like after my birth was being told by at least one midwife and a breastfeeding counsellor that my DD's birth 'must have been traumatic'. I didn't think it was and was a bit put out to have people labelling it as such.

And my final point I'm pregnant again, and when I mention that I'll be having an elective c-section, the majority of people ask me why with a bit of a look on their face. I'm going to stop mentioning it now, as I'm fed up with saying that I had some problems with my first labour and birth. But I've been surprised to feel a little judged - although that may be me feeling a bit sad over it myself.