to want to slap the girl on 'one born every minute'?

[HoopsIsGettingMassive]

in the title really, she is really making a meal of it!!

I have screamed 3 babies out and will no doubt scream this one out as well.

With my first I was told I was making too much noise and as it was a first baby I could have 12 hours of this, there was no build up, no let up in contractions, it was one long contraction, I thought I was dying and if someone had given me a loaded gun to shot myself and make the pain stop I would have shot myself gladly. I was scared and frightened and screaming my head off. The MW went away and left me on the bed with the gas and air.

When you are in that much pain your body shuts down and your brain does not function and you cannot hear anyone around you.

I had 45 mins of contractions with the last one and it was a hard 45 mins, breathing the G&A properly meant that I was screaming as much. I threw it away as she came down and crowned though, will never forget that feeling of her coming out.

I just felt so sorry for Sam, her pain was real to her, she wasn't making a fuss or needing slapped, she was a young girl in an awful lot of pain.

It's not about bowing to my greatness - I only got a baby - not a million pounds at the end of the day - same as everyone else.

But why would you choose a painful labour if there was another option ? Why get so aggressive and defensive ?
It was for me not painful and the factors that I would say contributed to that, despite the baby being OP were.
1 to 1 midwifery care, constant reassurance, massage, changing of position, yoga breathing exercises, but mainly somebody reminding you the whole way through that you can do this.
Isn't this what we want for future generations, I'm pretty sure Csections aren't cheap, so why aren't we all for the support instead of the drugs/operations ?

This thread has been really useful, thanks, especially Milly.

It just confirms to me that all the sideways looks and little smirks I got from people who had straightforward natural births when I tried to explain quite why I found my assisted delivery so horrible were not in my head.

They were indeed looking down their noses at me in a smug and self satisfied manner, I'll know now not to give them the benefit of the doubt in future.

No Ghouls,there is one Milly and a great many of the rest of usd here.

Milly,the simple fact is that whilst many of us no doubt agree birth experiences can be improved we don't necessarily agree on yourtake of choice. And you know,not everyone can choose 1-1 mw careor othes you ahevlisted either. Yoga birthing lesons in S E Wales? Exucse me whilst I LMAO,and my hospital for ds4 (luckily avoided with a HB) was put into special measures the day ds4 was delivered. You make the best of whats available to you. My doula was great but I only had her as she was a MN'er and did me a student disocount otherwise I wouldn't even have ahd that- DH is fab but spent the point I needed him mnost running errande for the MW.

Millymollymoo what on earth are you going on about???

If a woman is in pain, she is in pain. It's not because she enjoys screaming her head off. She genuinely cannot cope with what is happening.

Well done you, hip hip hooray you coped temendously with your own birth. That's great for you.

Sadly some of us scream in pain during childbirth because it's a natural instinct to react that way when you are in so much pain. Not screaming also won't make it less painful, just like screaming isn't going to make much difference. But it's uncontrollable for some women.

Wow I am try amazed at some of the very extremist attitudes on this threads on how women should be birthing correctly to ensure they don't have a bad birthing experience.

Either you are lucky or you aren't. For many of us it's the latter. Whether we're silent or not!

Milly, I wish I had read something like this thread before I had ds.

All my friends glossed over childbirth. Only after I had had ds and was sat like a rabbit in the headlights did they say 'Oh, yes, it was hellish'.

I think many young women (like the one in the programme) are COMPLETELY unprepared for childbirth. Of course they shouldn't only hear horror stories, but nor should they expect it to be 'breathed through'. I know there are a small number of women for whom it is not an ordeal, but even for those of us who had an 'easy' birth, it can be bloody agony and bloody hard work. I stayed very calm during labour which I am sure helped if only psychologically, but I still felt totally out of control.

cirrhosis hear hear. someone at last talking sense!

Ghouls I've never smirked, I thought what a bloody shame

Peachy where I live is hardly the holistic centre of the universe and many wouldn't allow their puppies born in our local hospital, but you live and learn and if I am to be ridiculed for trying to pass on what I've learnt having had three children, then that's other people loss.

I have never glossed over how painful my birth was to the friends who are planning families as we speak. I have told them it hurts like hell and it's a very unique pain you will never experience at any other given time in your life.

I don't believe in glossing over the facts and playing it down - I'm a realist. And I'd expect the same courtesy if I was in my friends shoes.

Milly weren't yopu the one who said my frontalloe was immature becuase I panicked?

ridicule.... yes well

Peachy I don't know anything about you so it really wasn't anything personal, rest assured.

If I was reading this and somebody said they felt nothing in labour I'd be more interested in how the hell they managed it than scoring points over who was the biggest howler, but as I say your loss.

Good Lord above isnt it obvious?

All births are different, all women are different. One woman cannot judge another's reactions to labour because she is not going through it herself.

I have had a few babies. It fucking hurts.

The first was the most difficult because first babies usually are. I had been to classes and read every magazine etc but no one could tell me what I had let myself in for. I had to trust everyone around me and felt out of control and it was horrid. I felt judged for making too much noise even though I was only a bit dilated.

I had my 2nd and the moment I went into labour I was bloody terrified because it all came flooding back to me BUT i felt so much more in control and knew what I was feeling was normal. So I wasnt so scared.

By number 4 I knew what I wanted and I was 15 years older so not about to take any crap from anyone. I STILL fucking hurt and I didnt dilate until DS came flying down like a rocket and BAM!

Number 5 could be a nightmare who knows but I can tell you I wont feel a moments guilt if I scream my bloody head off and swear at everyone in the room.

And doesnt everyone shriek 'get this fucking baby out NOW!!!'

I wanted to give Sam a hug and show her how to use the G&A properly! Why didnt anyone tell her that it wasnt going to work like that? Poor thing.

I am amazed anyone would call a diabetic who has not been fed a whinger! I think Joy was very restrained under the circumstances.

chegirl that has to be the one thing that annoyed me - why didn't the MW come back in and explain to her firmly that she needs to use the G&A in the correct way to get the most benefit? she was rapidly breathing that thing in like her life depended on it!! It wasn't her fault, she just didn't have the correct guidance from the staff. She had all my sympathy because labour pain is horrific and does make you want to scream (unless you are superhuman and called millymollymoo).

lovechoc - I was saying that to the TV as well, show her how to use the G&A properly at least.

I believe if any woman wants stronger pain relief or an epidural even when they first come in they should be given it, I hate this "well you aren't far enough along" thing MWs seem to have.

A quick look around at women and newborns should tell anyone with an ounce of sense that women are going to have different labours. There probably is an average labour but even within that there must be huge variation.

I am 5'7" with extremely broad hips relative to my waist and from a long line of easy birthers and my husband is not a great deal larger than I am. My 3.8kg baby was no trouble for me at all. However, my friend is just on 5' and has quite a "boyish" figure (she is also Asian and her husband is a great hulking Scandinavian), she also had a baby who weighed around 3.8kg and he tore her up on the way out.

MillyMoo I get a bit of what you are saying (and I suspect we have read many of the same books), but you cannot assume that because you have an easy time that others will have the same. There are simply too many variables for that to be the case.

How anyone could have watched Sam and felt anything other than sympathy and not been able to feel the fear coming off the screen is beyond me. In many ways she was just a kid, an unprepared kid maybe but that doesn't negate the pain she was feeling.

I don't think the age had anything to do with it - Sam was in pain it was as simple as that. Some of us deal with pain better than others. What else can you say, really.

I get a bit fed up hearing all this hippy approach to birthing. Even with using all those breathing techniques, it's not enough to ensure that when your times comes you are going to just breathe that baby out.

I didn't want to give Sam a hug, I wanted to give her her damn epi!

It reminded me of how long some of us were forced to wait, in agony like her, because it was night time.

Her mother did what she could and what she felt was right till she got the epi, which again, you can't thrash round for.

Some may not have agreed, but again, her mother knew her best and she's the one Sam really wanted there with her, so that's saying much.

Once she got her epi, she got the control the pain robbed her of.

That's what I'm trying to say! My epi's gave me control, too, and I dilated well after having them.

My brain didn't like that pain and, like sweetkitty's, no amount of pranayama breating (I've been practicing since 1996) was going to make that go away.

Tried hypnobirthing, was incredibly fit (especially going into the first birth), etc.

When it happened, it hurt unimaginably.

For some people it does.

I've had two instrumental deliveries, one drug free one.

Others chose CS's.

Meh.

Their body, their choice.

Sam's body, her choice.

I'm glad she was lucky enough to have given birth in the daytime and didn't have to wait even longer.

Milly, why concentrate on trying to convince the rest of us here? Why not talk about getting better, one-on-one midwife care? Or reaching out to women like Sam, who didn't seem to have been prepared very well? Or campaigning for doctors to learn more about non-surgical solutions, or supporting more research into the whole process of birth itself?

Surely, there are enough other problems to deal with before you get on your soapbox about how women should relax and achieve painless labour like you did?

PS: great post, expat. It seemed with Sam as if the pain was making her so tense she couldn't dilate - if that's possible.

Oh alright then I'll save my breath reddragon
I think you'll find that several times I mentioned 1 to 1 care being essential.
But of course the big mouths just see red at the prospect of there being an alternative to writhing around in pain, so you do your research because as plenty have also pointed out the funding is being cut not increased and the midwives are leaving in droves, people need to rely on themselves instead because then they won't be so traumatised, hopefully.

I think it is possible dragon, most animals look for somewhere safe to give birth and humans are still animals for all our airs and graces. You probably can't actually stop birth totally but a fear response is definitely going to tell your body that this isn't a good place and try to hold off until it finds one.

Yes, I saw that Milly. It's great, but why are you here talking about it to us? Are you doing other things? You seem to be so sure that your way is right, if I were that sure and that committed to one theory, I'd be campaigning and talking up a storm to all sorts of influential people ... that's why I'm confused that these other things seem to take a side role against your main concern of telling everyone on here that a painful labour is labour done the wrong way.

(Btw, Morloth, that makes sense, thanks.)

Well reddragon you grab the bull by the horns and off you go, personally I gave up campaigning when I realised far too many people still believe the world is flat, I'll pass on the information and my experiences, what people do with it is up to them.

she was clearly hyperventilating. this would not have helped that baby's heartbeat. she was also frightened. it looked like a cascade of intervention but tis difficult to judge on tv.

Oh FFS enough already!!

Why can't people just acknowledge the simple fact that people don't know how they're going to react in labour? Their reactions can surprise them.

Women who never swear, can swear their heads off.

Women who are never agressive can suddenly become aggressive.

Women who are never assertive can suddenly decide they won't take any shit from anyone.

Women who are usually very lovey dovey and touchy feely with their partners can turn around and tell them "fuck off, don't touch me"

Things can happen to you that you can't plan or prepare for simply because you don't know what's going to happen and how you're going to react until it actually happens.

When you're reading about it all in a book, or hearing all about in in an ante-natal class you're calm and collected and most importantly not in labour.