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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be f*cking fuming at this?

78 replies

IvaNighSpare · 15/02/2010 16:56

I'm totally at a loss as to what to do.
My DD (8) was invited on a sleepover with a 6yr old friend. We only know the parents through brief conversations at the the doorstep when picking up/dropping off kids. I have the parents phone number and know their house.
Anyway, the sleepover was arranged and a few hours ago DD went there. About 20 minutes ago I nipped to her friend's house (2 minutes away) to drop off a forgotten toy and wish DD goodnight. Also to thank the parents for having her.
I was greeted by the two girls at the door and when I asked where the parents were I was told "they're not here, they've gone swimming". I asked who was looking after them and was told the elder 14 yr old daughter was in charge.
AIBU to think this is out-of-order irresponsible behaviour when you are entrusted with someone else's child? I'm not even considering the legality of it, just the moral responsibilty. Why invite a child over if you're not prepared to loom after them?
I don't want to cause a scene but am really tempted to fetch DD back home.
I'm going to give it an hour and drive back to see if the car is back in the drive. If it isn't then I will kick off.

OP posts:
gorionine · 15/02/2010 16:58

I would have taken my child back home.

BooHooo · 15/02/2010 16:59

I personally would fetch her back.

YANBU

Lulumama · 15/02/2010 17:00

i would have taken her back there and then

totally inappropriate to do this without evn telling you

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/02/2010 17:00

I agree - go and pick her up.

I think it is an unwritten rule that if you invite a kid over you stay there to supervise, not leave them with teenagers.

Mind you, don;t flame me for pointing it out, but I generally knew the parents quite well re sleepovers at that age. Would not have agreed to sleepover if I just knew them vaguely.

ShinyAndNew · 15/02/2010 17:01

I think a 14yo would be capable of supervsing two 8yos tbh. But they should have told you their plans, just incase of issues like your dd cannot swim yet/is allergic to chlorine etc.

I wouldn't bother going back tbh and I definately wouldn't call a stop to the sleepover.

DandyLioness · 15/02/2010 17:01

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topsi · 15/02/2010 17:01

OMG can't believe that, did you check the arrangements before she went, not sure I would have left her in the house in that situation

TheFirstLady · 15/02/2010 17:01

Hmm, well I have no problem with leaving my own children in the care of a sensible 14-year-old. Nor is it illegal. However, if I had a visiting child I would certainly check that the parents were OK with this arrangement. Because of this I think YANBU up to a point, but do you really think it is irresponsible to leave a 14-year-old in charge of an 8 and 6 year old for an hour or two? I don't agree.

lockets · 15/02/2010 17:02

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TealAndBiscuit · 15/02/2010 17:02

Take the child home and see if the adults notice when they return.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/02/2010 17:06

I think a 14 year old is perfectly able to supervise a child, no problem.

The problem lies with inviting a 8 year old over and assuming that her parents woudlbe OK with an unknown teenager looking after her, that's the difference I think.

Pikelit · 15/02/2010 17:06

Before all this OMGGGGGoddinging why not read the original post properly? From what OP says, there is no indication that the parents were out when her DD was originally dropped off. It was only when making a brief and unexpected visit later this afternoon that she discovered the situation had changed.

Vivia · 15/02/2010 17:06

Take her home!

FioFio · 15/02/2010 17:06

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Pikelit · 15/02/2010 17:07

PS. I'm with GetOrfMoiLand on this one. There's nothing wrong with a 14 year old supervising children. But you'd expect to be told this might be the case before allowing your child to go on the sleepover.

mylifemykids · 15/02/2010 17:07

I think YABmoreU to leave your child overnight with someone you've only had 'brief conversations at the doorstep' with

I wouldn't think twice of leaving my children with a 14 year old sibling for a couple of hours IF I knew them well and knew they were responsible

gorionine · 15/02/2010 17:08

TheFirstLady, I do not think a 14 year old girl is unable to look after two children of 6 and 8. I do think though that if the parents have not told OP that they would not be present (and how long for)they are not t really trustworthy.

I also would not have liked the fact that the little ones opened the door rather than the person supposidly looking after them, but that just one of my "fear" I would not let my 6yo open the door if I was not present.

Also agree on not letting my DCs go to a sleepover at someone I hardly know.

OrmRenewed · 15/02/2010 17:09

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it for a few hours. Although I'd prefer to know about it beforehand.

Ziggurat · 15/02/2010 17:10

I babysat for neighbours when I was 13-16 and the kids often had friends staying over. They were a very 'nice' family, but I wonder if they ever told the other parents that they were going out, and someone who wasn't even related was baby-sitting?

rainbowinthesky · 15/02/2010 17:11

Ds at 14 is perfectly able of looking after dd 6 for short periods of time however I would never leave one of her friends with him as well.

lockets · 15/02/2010 17:11

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Original poster
IvaNighSpare · 15/02/2010 17:12

Just to clarify, I live at an RAF base in Cyprus, it was 6pm and dark when I called round. DD has know this friend for a while now, we've just had miminum exchange with the parents.
I do regret letting her go in the first place when we didn't know the parents that well.
The parents WERE there when I dropped DD off, they consequently left her in the teenager's care without consulting me in any way, shape or form.
I don't want to cause a massive fuss by extracting her immediately. Plus it's not fair on DD,
HOWEVER, if they're not home when I drive by pretty soon, she's definitely coming back.
I'm also never letting her stay there again.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 15/02/2010 17:13

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mumblechum · 15/02/2010 17:13

I wouldn't be worried by a 14 year old b abysitter myself, but agree they ought to have let you know.

I think there's a bit of overreaction on this thread tbh.

Tortington · 15/02/2010 17:16

ii don't think i would be bothered by this actually.

i have let my kids stay at lots of parents houses that i don't know