to not want to take DS (3) out to a chinese resurant in the evening

[topsi]

My inlaws regularly book resturants for the family on special occasions and even Boxing day lunch. It's all very nice and very generous of them. They love the fact that they are out with their GS.
I hate it. DS is very active and after sitting at the table for about 10 minutes is off running round the resurant. It is impossible for me to enjoy a meal out when I am constantly having to keep an eye on DS. My father in law is great and does a fair ammount of running round after DS, but DH is a bit laid back and tends only to help out if promted.
I find it embarassing and hate the fact we are probably annoying other people. They also pick very inapropriate (?sp) resturants such as tiny French bistro places in London.
It has been FIL birthday recently and another meal out in iminemt.
AIBU to stay at home with DS while the others go out?
what are your views?

You stay at home and let them take ds out and look after him without you... see how they cope!!!

Book a babysitter, and go out with them and enjoy yourself. I like eating out, even in nice restaurants with my 3 year old, but not in the evening when he is tired

I would hate taking him too.

Just got to the stage where we can take our 2 out for an early evening meal without constantly chasing round after them. They are 4 (nearly 5) and 8. Went last night at about 6.30 and it was a pleasurable experience. When we left I heard one man comment to his wife about how well behaved they were. I used to hate it when I thought they were annoying other guests and would try and avoid it.

Book a babysitter. Your DC will have a much nicer time and be able to go to bed when he is ready.

I would read your DH the riot act re doing his bit!
I also have a bag for such occasions, filled with activities, snacks etc. It takes the edge off.
I do agree though, it's not much fun with an active and easily bored toddler. Could you get a sitter and have a nice meal out as grown ups?

But if they love going out with the gs so much, let them do it - without you!! They might understand what it's like for you then.

I would go with a three yr old and have done. Children who only go to McDonalds etc. and soft play never learn how to behave in nice places.

But then i'm also militant about hating crayons and colour sets etc. at 'nicer' restaurants once child is over 4 or 5.

They prob don't realise how stressful you find it and think its a break for you.

Some kids sit perfectly at restaurants and its fine - I have one who does and one who doesn't.

We tend to do special occasions at someone's house - my mum's, MILs or here ( but then we all enjoy cooking ). I find this much less stressful than worrying about the tut tutting of other diners.

You didn't say how old your DS is. My DS got better at sitting still at the table when he hit 5.

Taffetacat - DS is 3, according to the title of the thread.

I would definitely let them take him out and you stay away, just so that you DH and the rest of the family can see what the problem is!

Yes folks do tut - i think this is a very British thing to do too. I may be in danger of over generalising here but on the continent children eat out later and are generally better tolerated.

Think I will thy babysitter this Friday but they love going to these posh pub places at the weekend for lunch. The next one will be mothers day I think. It is worse in summer when all the doors are open and you need to have eyes in the back of your head.
Glad to see others feel the same as me, I don't get why they love it so much to me it's just a head ache

Do you take things for him to do? I find pencils, crayons etc are great. Or sticker books. you could even go all supernanny on him and have a chart with 15 min time slots and he gets a sticker for each period of time he sits quietly. At 3 he should be able to understand this. You may want to start on smaller time increments though Books are also good. Also, in between curses, take him for a quick walk around outside, just up and own the street or around the block. Works of some energy

ziggurat - thanks

The other alternative is to go and then develop an upset stomach, go to the loo for an hour or so ( take a few magazines or a good book in your bag ) and let them deal with it. Order food that tastes good luke warm or cool though.

Try to look at the bigger picture
It is lovely for you all to go out and eat as a family
And practice makes perfect

YABU, if it's only for special occasions, presumably no more than every couple of months.

Also dh BU for not helping out more.

Also depends on time of meal, if meal begins quite early then probably ok, but if it's 8.30 booking then your in laws are BU.

We regularly take ds (2) and dd(6m) to restaurants as my in-laws are the same. They would book restaurant for about 6.30 so dcs get tired at the end, but are ok most of the way through.

If your ds is active, make sure he gets lots of exercise throughout the day and don't sit him up til the meal starts. My son is also active, but is now used to the idea that he has to sit up for most of the time and can't run round the restaurant. We bring stickers, books, crayons, etc, and take it in turns taking ds for a walk to the toilet/restaurant garden/down the road if necessary.

Good tip is to make sure ds is not sitting next to you. Sit him between dh and mil, so they have to deal with him. or get adults to switch places between courses so it's not you all the time.

Better to train dcs in how to behave in restaurants when they're very young, I know people who have 6 year old who can't behave in restaurants so they can never go out as a family.

And don't worry about other people in restaurants, even smart restaurants are fairly noisy with conversations going on at every table, ds probably not heard over the din most of the time.

Darell - I agree. My to are 2 and 4 and we really have never had an problems at all. Distraction is the key!! the Dss were going ot to family lunches since birth though, so not sure if that makes a difference!!

OP - obviously it is something your family, like mine!!, like to do, so why not try and 'train' your DS to behave? Like I said above or even start going out for the occasional coffee and tat him at the end with a snack to take home for sitting nicely? If he doesnt practise, he will never learn

i think its great for children we went armed with colouring books story tapes etc when we used to go to restaurant once ds was over the curious running a round age he sits lovely in them now and loves being part of it all we used to be armed with bag of goodies to make it easier on ds its the boredom that does it most places wont bat an eye lid if you then have children's items on table if child is behaving

could you .look up restaurants with soft play in them there are some really posh ones near us so that solves the child issue then i used to still hate the idea though and would always be anxious but i found as long we had things to keep ds from getting bored and to engage him with it was all fine

YANBU. Its a bloody nightmare trying to eat out with a toddler who won't eat the food and just wants to get down.

I have this situation this evening. Its my cousins birthday and his GF has planned for us all to go out for a meal as a surprise. We are going as I am close to my cousin, but the problem is my babysitter (my nan) is also going so we have to take DS (2) and it is booked for 7 which is his bedtime. Luckily its not far from where we live and its just a carvery so we won't be there that long. I have plans to take a few bits for DS but I know very well this will not work for long. Going to take the sticker book though (didn't think of that) as he will sit for an hour at home doing his stickers so hopefully that will work.

DS will have already had his tea too though as we are going to take some microwave popcorn (not toffee or salted) for him to munch on as he loves it and doesn't have it very often.

Yep, practice makes perfect. So let the grandparents have a practice at looking after the little one... whil you stay at home.

Have you ever raised this issue with your PILs? They may be under the impression that they are giving you a nice night out otherwise. Ditto your DH - does he know that you find these meals out a stressful chore? If he does, he is BU.

Perhaps just raise it with the PILs that "DS is at that stage now where he won't sit for the length of a meal out and frankly, I'd rather not take him to good restaurants until he's old enough. I worry about him wandering into a waiter's path and causing an accident, or slipping out the door as other diners come in or out. I even worry about the other diners, how distracting having a small boy always being chased back to a seat must be for them when they're having a lovely, and possibly rare, meal out. I feel that I have to be on alert all the time and I'm up and down like a yo-yo fetching him back to the table. I just don't get to enjoy your company or the meal itself because all my attention is on DS and making sure that he doesn't hurt himself or others. Until he's older, it might be best to stick to restaurants which are better set up for small children, such as .

FWIW, I think it is worth taking young children out to restaurants if you want them to acquire good "restaurant manners". We took DS to Pizza Express when he was still a baby, then to Pizza Hut when he wouldn't be confined in their high chairs any more. I shudder at the memory of their rubbish wine, but it was decent pizza and they were well set up to cope with children, and we went there at about 5.30 - 6pm so he wasn't tired. By five he graduated to Cafe Rouge - again, well set up for children with an activity book/crayons and a children's menu that he liked (and I was sick of pizza by then). He's 11 now and I've felt 'safe' taking him to any restaurant for maybe 2-3 years. Of course, the downside is he wants to go out to eat all the time ...

But you really need to raise this issue with your PILs (and most definitely DH) and not just let this fester.

I think YAB a bit U. At 3 he is old enough to sit at the table for the length of a family meal (taking some colouring etc). There is no need for anyone to be chasing him around the restaurant.

Really, 'DS is very active', is rubbish, you need to get a tone of voice and use it...

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but at 3, he is old enough to behave if he knows what is expected of him.

Lunch is way easier than evenings.

Colouring/sticker books are the way to go, IME - our DC are 7 and 3 and we rarely go out to a restaurant without paper and pencils.

That said, if we were going to a Chinese the main imput from my 3yo would be to jump up and down and demand crispy baby octopus

YABU

Though I would encourage your PILS to choose a more family friendly venue, and insist your DH (and indeed PILs do their share.

Don't have a problem with kids colouring in/taken for a walk to see the fishtank etc etc whilst they wait to be served either.

Chipping in, you're being ridiculous. I have a 3 year old who sat in a restaurant for 3 hours last night, eating and chatting nicely. I have a six year old who pestered other diners, messed around under the table, wandered around constantly and generally made a nuisance on himself. I assure you I don't use a different tone with my 3 year old.

And frankly, if your 3 year old is anything like my much improved 6 year old was at 3, I'd tell them i wasn't going to bother, but they were welcome to give themselvces a stomach ulcer if they wanted.

Some children cannot sit still. It's a difficult concept to grasp if your own child is bovinely docile, I know, but all the tone in the world will not miraculously give an ability to sit down.