to not want to take DS (3) out to a chinese resurant in the evening

[topsi]

My inlaws regularly book resturants for the family on special occasions and even Boxing day lunch. It's all very nice and very generous of them. They love the fact that they are out with their GS.
I hate it. DS is very active and after sitting at the table for about 10 minutes is off running round the resurant. It is impossible for me to enjoy a meal out when I am constantly having to keep an eye on DS. My father in law is great and does a fair ammount of running round after DS, but DH is a bit laid back and tends only to help out if promted.
I find it embarassing and hate the fact we are probably annoying other people. They also pick very inapropriate (?sp) resturants such as tiny French bistro places in London.
It has been FIL birthday recently and another meal out in iminemt.
AIBU to stay at home with DS while the others go out?
what are your views?

PMSL at Shodan.

Coldtits I do know where you are coming from. Because of exactly this I try to keep my eyebrows in check in the face of nightmare behaviour. Actually I am never bothered by parents who appear to be doing their utmost to contain their DC/ limit the damage and impact on others. It is those who are coo-ing about how characterful their DC are and how lovely that they want to play with my DC (translation - drag my DC into whatever mischief they are up to) or entertain the restaurant with their own rendition of HSM, or whatever, that have me reaching for my judgey pants.

I'm with FaintlyMacabre. DS can manage dinner at home, he's 2 1/2 yrs old. In a restaurant you have to sit through the ordering, the time for food to arrive, all the courses (yes, I know there's only three, but that's one or two more than we have at home,) waiting for everyone else to finish. Never takes under an hour.

Some of it is me being precious, but each time one of my family contemplates this my heart sinks.

Maybe it'll get better with time (hopeful emoticum).

Now DD, who is 9 months, would be a dream. She already seems to love the social side of it.

Anyway, OP, YANBU to dread it. But it may be tricky not to go. You could tactfully suggest your DS's fuse would be very short so close to his bedtime, and ask could they make it early or lunch.

Are some people on here forgetting that we are talking about a 3 year old. Not 4, 5, 6 or older.
My ds is 2.10 years. He is much better than he was 6 months ago and in a years time when he is 3.10 years he will be even better still.
That's what children do, they grow up and as they grow their behaviour changes.

Some children will sit happily for a long time, others won't, and tbh I don't know any 2-3 year old that will sit in a restaurant on a chair for over an hour and not move.
But just because some children won't sit doesn't mean the parents haven't bothered to 'train' them.

My dd's are 8 and 9 and they are very well behaved when we go out, but still they have a threshold. They are children not robots.

And quite frankly I have no interest in training my ds who is 2.10 years to sit down and shut up so I can have a jolly nice time in a restaurant.

Perfectly put, UH - no-one normal, decent person wants their child/ren running round and creating havoc, but often 'training' them is a work in process, which occurs naturally in some children sooner than others.

You can feel smug if you're one of those it happens sooner to, if it makes you feel better.

For the record, I have a one-year old so haven't really had to go through it all yet - he can still be kept entertained in his high chair for a reasonable amount of time, and isn't walking unaided yet which makes it much easier!

yes runny bottom it is my mil I am annoyed about because my DC are 4 and 2.

Generally I think if you give a 2 year old enough bread sticks they will get bored and throw them on the floor and after about an hr they will want to get down from the table where they are not allowed to touch anything and walk around the restaurant.

Which would be fine if it was a family friendly place but tiny little Italians with 6 tables aren't so it is a PAIN IN THE ARSE.

And tbh I don't think I would want a load of boring children who are content at 2 and 4 to sit at a table for 2 hrs without acting like children

just drink wine and say 'dh my dear it is YOUR turn'

Leave Ds at home with you dh and you go!

I'm a great believer in "restaurant training". It worked with all of ours who, as adults, are superb company - and often pay the bill, too!

But 2 is very young for the sort of restaurants where you just know that wandering around might be tolerated but isn't really encouraged. Even if it is encouraged, it gets tiring doing the rounding up. Also, good restaurants work on the premise that diners would prefer the entire meal to be spread over time. Which can be hugely incompatible with the expectations of little ones who need breakneck speed and a constant delivery of edibles.

I'd get a babysitter and enjoy my dinner out, to be honest. Lunches and less formal eatings out are ideal ways to get your child used to behaving well at the table in company.

I'm not a believer in restaurant training. When my kids were young if eating out I chose restaurants where they could eat their meal and then go to soft play/ play in pub garden outside (supervised by one of us of course) and leave adults eating in peace.
Kids get bored sitting down for long periods because unless you are actively involved in the conversation long dinners are boring. A 3 year old can't be involved in an adult conversation all meal. Having an adult supervise a kid with drawings etc is tedious for them and I'd often stay at home than do that. Fair enough if travelling/ on holiday and no choice. Now at secondary school my kids love restaurants and sit quietly.
I don't think it's a matter of training, just giving them age appropriate experiences.
Taking small kids to classical concerts is no fun either. I have done if no option, but usually prefer to stay at home if no babysitter.
I would however have no difficulty in teeling a family member that I wasn't coming to a fancy meal because the kids were too small and trying to keep them quiet when they'd rather be in bed is just too stressful so I'll stay at home and hope they have a lovely time, and maybe suggest a weekend lunchtime meal next time.
I'm very into family meals at home though, and not getting down until everyone has finished. We don't drag the meal on for hours though and usually only 1 course.

Thanks eveyone for the advice. It so good to hear that you all have different experiences and that hopfully in a year or two the dining out experience will be more enjoyable.
I also think it's about tolerence levels, think mine is low. I just don't see the point of going out for something to eat if you are unable to enjoy yourself. GP and DH don't see a problem but I do.

UndomesticHousewife

I am a waitress and I don't think it's acceptable to let your child run around in any restaurant no matter how child friendly it is. Even at soft play I tell my DS not to run around near the tables where people might be carrying hot food or drinks.

Topsi Have you tried taking things to distract him. For example we take play dough, playmobil people, books, his teddy, etch a sketch, he will wait quite a while for his food to arrive. DS isn't keen on crayons or painting but he will if can use Crayola Tadoodles because I think they have a novelty factor to them.

Also we always order a portion of garlic bread, prawns, mushrooms or something similar to come as soon as it's cooked to occupy him before the meals arrive. We always say to the server, don't treat it as a starter and wait for us to finish before bringing the mains out, just bring them whenever they are ready. If he's being particularly whiny i give him raisins or similar to have whilst we wait for the starter.

i agree with 2 rebecca
i dont want to tlak to a kid for hours tbh

"on the continent children eat out later and are generally better tolerated. "

They are slso better behaved!

i think it is nice that pil want to take you out BUT there is a time and a place and if late in the evening then obv your child will be tired,grumpy and start to misbehave, so a meal at lunchtime helps

i am a great believer that children can go to nice/decent resturants and not just maccy d's and learn to sit nicely at a table - they just need to be taught, for when they go to schol, they will have to sit nicely and eat their lunch at a table, without running around screaming

we eat out maybe once a month, with a 20mth, 4+7 - all 3 will sit nicely,and say please/thank you - yes i may take a few toys/colouring books as obv sitting at a table for 2hrs can be boring,esp if all grown up talk, but they know how to behave, as i and my mb/db have taught them

there is also a stare i have done to 4yr boy the stare works well!!

Seeker, I am afraid I must disagree with your last statement. I took my not terribly well behaved dd (8.9) out for lunch last week. On the table next to us in a run of the mill guest house thingy was a Swiss family with four children. They were even worse than my dd, walking, running and playing a game that involved counting to three then yelling. They were being neither well behaved nor tolerated. Even my dd looked a bit cross with them, probably because I wouldn't let her join in.