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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take DS (3) out to a chinese resurant in the evening

116 replies

topsi · 15/02/2010 08:46

My inlaws regularly book resturants for the family on special occasions and even Boxing day lunch. It's all very nice and very generous of them. They love the fact that they are out with their GS.
I hate it. DS is very active and after sitting at the table for about 10 minutes is off running round the resurant. It is impossible for me to enjoy a meal out when I am constantly having to keep an eye on DS. My father in law is great and does a fair ammount of running round after DS, but DH is a bit laid back and tends only to help out if promted.
I find it embarassing and hate the fact we are probably annoying other people. They also pick very inapropriate (?sp) resturants such as tiny French bistro places in London.
It has been FIL birthday recently and another meal out in iminemt.
AIBU to stay at home with DS while the others go out?
what are your views?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 15/02/2010 11:00

"get a tone of voice and use it" I have a nearly three year old that I'd love you to try that out on.

stealthsquiggle · 15/02/2010 11:07

PMSL at 'bovinely docile'

To be fair, there is a middle ground - my DC can be persuaded to sit still within reason and when suitable bribed incentivised.

Original poster
topsi · 15/02/2010 11:08

Thanks coldtits, and I don't think my 'tone' would be what others would want to hear at the dinner table, it would put them off their chow mein.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 15/02/2010 11:13

Topsi I have a special hissed "tone" for restaurants and other public places - which my DC actually take more notice of than my normal fishwife slightly louder 'tone' as used at home .

spybear · 15/02/2010 11:18

You cant stay at home for somones birthday, thats really rude. Ask them if you can book it a bit earlier, take some bits for DS to play with. I know its a pain but it wont be for much longer, 4 and 5 year olds are much easier

threetimemummy · 15/02/2010 11:20

Topsi - you havent said whether you take stuff for him to do?

UndomesticHousewife · 15/02/2010 11:24

My ds is nearly 3 and I don't take him to places like that anymore. We have tried and it's been a disaster, him running about and me (funny how it's always me!) running after him.
So now I only take him to places that are very child friendly and it doesn't matter if he runs about.

He's too little to sit quietly at a table for ages while we all eat, then have coffee etc. We eat very quickly then go.

Some children sit nicely but mine doesn't so even if PIL want to go somewhere I say no. Plenty of time to do that when he's a bit older and will sit.

Doodleydoo · 15/02/2010 11:28

OK ready to be shouted at with hordes of abuse:

portable DVD player?

my 2 yo would find it divine to sit behind one and watch anything - even without the sound on....

ForestFire · 15/02/2010 11:29

i had this
colouring schmouloring - my eldest two never liked it

it was DULL
we gave up wasting money in the end

UndomesticHousewife · 15/02/2010 11:29

And I wouldn't take him just to keep someone else happy. I don't want to shout and tell him off every 2 seconds trying to get him to do something that he just can't ubderstand why he should be doing it.
If it was my PIL they would have to realise that they have a 2 year old GC and adjust accordingly.

I'm only like this now because I have done so many things to keep others happy even though it causes me stress or puts me out, which is fine sometimes but when you don't get the same back and others just do whatever they like it cahnges your perspective a little!

ForestFire · 15/02/2010 11:29

and aborad the kdis run around like loons

runnybottom · 15/02/2010 11:31

Have you heard of highchairs? Children can only be running around a restaurant if you let them.
I have a very spirited almost 3 yr old and an ants in his pants 5 year old, but they can both be taken out to eat of an evening as they have been long trained and restrained distracted appropriately.

UndomesticHousewife · 15/02/2010 11:31

Doodley, I love the idea of portable dvd player, never even thought of it before.
And why would anyone shout abuse at you on here? much better a dvd player for an hour or so than shouting at your child and generally becoming stressed out.

ForestFire · 15/02/2010 11:32

but where is the fun in that
incarcerate a THREE year old in a high chair.
haevto entertian them
worry about annoying others
piss everyone off
not my idea of a fun night out

PuppyMonkey · 15/02/2010 11:34

Mine wouldn't fit in a high chair and even if she did she would scream the place down to get out. Not very nice when eating a posh meal. And yes, the colouring thing lasts precisely two seconds before she gets bored and starts throwing the crayons at other diners.

UndomesticHousewife · 15/02/2010 11:35

runnybottom, my ds doesn't sit in a highchair anymore, he sits in a normal seat and eats his dinner and only gets up from the table once he's finished.
The problem is he's always finished before anyone else, I wouldn't want to restrain him in a high chair because it would only cause massive tantrum when he wanted to get out.

Just wondering how you train a 2-3 year old to sit at a table long after they are finished and bored?

And as for distraction, no amount of crap that I bring with me is as enticing or exciting than exploring the lovely big place we have brought him to

runnybottom · 15/02/2010 11:38

Thats where the training part comes in. He knows that if he kicks off in the chair he won't get prawn crackers, and he has small toys and an etch a sketch and they entertain each other, and we all have a lovely time. Not annoying anyone else.

Each to their own, if you can't do it or don't want to thats fine, but its not just a case of its not possible, its just the way they are. Barring any specific additional needs all that is needed is a little training. Toddlers are like puppies, if you don't train them they will run around, crap on the rug and chew your shoes.

PuppyMonkey · 15/02/2010 11:42

Eh, don't diss Puppys...

I wouldn't bring my puppy to a Chinese either.

UndomesticHousewife · 15/02/2010 11:43

All children are different, some will respond to the 'get out of your seat and no treats etc' unfortunately mine couldn't give a toss about the treats.
Also depends what mood he's in one day and etch a sketch will amuse him, another day he'll not look at it.

Ds is very active, always running jumping, wrecking, he doesn't sit still very often so asking him to do that in a restaurant isn't that easy, especially when all he sees are places to look at.

If children were like puppies that could be trained to do what you wanted and behave perfectly always, then we'd have no need for Mumsnet

sayithowitis · 15/02/2010 11:44

I don't understand why there are so many relies on here 'suggesting' that the PILs should take the child without its mother so that they can 'see' how hard it is for her. She said in her OP that the FIL does a fair bit of the running around. So therefore, he is doing more than his fair share. The child's father should clearly be doing more. If you really can't teach your child to sit still for longer than 10 minutes, then you have to take stuff for him to do. It is unreasonable for you to expect ILs to change their plans to suit you. The world does not revolve around one child. We all have to learn to fit in at some time, so the earlier that process is begun, the better.

Maybe you could start by encouraging your child to sit still for slightly longer, with some sort of reward for success.You can then build up the expectation gradually. Of course, you could begin by doing this at home so that he has to remain at the meal table for slightly longer each meal time.

acebaby · 15/02/2010 11:48

I think that it depends on the three year old. I don't think that YABU to leave him at home if he isn't a sitting still in a high chair type of child, particularly when tired. Not all three year olds can be 'trained' to sit still for hours on end (although some can) - ask any nursery worker! This is not to say that most children of this age can't sit still 20 minutes or so in a cafe, with lots of attention from an adult.

The key thing, it seems to me, is that if he comes, neither you nor he would have a good time - and yet understandably your in-laws want to see their grandchildren.

How far are you from the restaurant? Would it be possible to meet up for afternoon tea and get a babysitter for the evening? We have done this before and it worked very well.

WeddingDaze · 15/02/2010 11:50

Oh how i wish i was as perfect as some people on this thread.

Children are all different, just because your Tarquin has been sitting quietly since leaving the room due to your tone his love of crayons, whatever really doesn't mean that someone elses child who has character will be the same

FWIW, no amount of distraction would work on mine as the big space full of people was always more interesting than anything i could port abouit to try to entertain, and as for training them, if i told them to sit nicely or they wont get prawn crackers, they'd still be running round like loons, then screaming because they didn't get the crackers. Just what everyone else needs!

ChippingIn · 15/02/2010 11:51

Coldtits/PuppyMonkey - it is not ridiculous to suggest that you are, in fact, able to bring up a child so that by 3 they are able to sit at a table to have a meal. If you choose not to do this and to have your life ruled by a small child, tis up to you....

How rude to suggest my children are 'bovinely docile' just because I have put the effort into teaching them how to behave in a restaurant.

'Some children cannot sit still' - what an utter load of crap. Some parents just cannot be arsed to teach their children appropriate behaviour.

Ziggurat · 15/02/2010 11:55

I'm loving this thread.

"Well, it works perfectly for me - why on earth wouldn't it work in the exact same way for every other child on the planet??"

WeddingDaze · 15/02/2010 11:56

Chipping - how many DCs do you have?

See 2 of mine can behave in a restaurant and one is one who can't sit still, could i just not be bothered to teach that one?

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