to not want to take DS (3) out to a chinese resurant in the evening

[topsi]

My inlaws regularly book resturants for the family on special occasions and even Boxing day lunch. It's all very nice and very generous of them. They love the fact that they are out with their GS.
I hate it. DS is very active and after sitting at the table for about 10 minutes is off running round the resurant. It is impossible for me to enjoy a meal out when I am constantly having to keep an eye on DS. My father in law is great and does a fair ammount of running round after DS, but DH is a bit laid back and tends only to help out if promted.
I find it embarassing and hate the fact we are probably annoying other people. They also pick very inapropriate (?sp) resturants such as tiny French bistro places in London.
It has been FIL birthday recently and another meal out in iminemt.
AIBU to stay at home with DS while the others go out?
what are your views?

• and one who can't sit still.

YANBU to hate it. Sounds like a punishment actually, taking him somewhere where you're expected to keep him quiet, entertained and not disturb other diners while still making adult conversation with the others and enjoying your meal. I was going to say YABU based on the title until I saw that your ds constantly runs around. Mine sit nicely at restaurants, however I do realise that not all children do that and I've really felt for some of my friends who are so stressed out at these things.

Why don't you feign a terrible headache at the last minute and send off dh with your ds to the restaurant? . That way he and the ILs will be more receptive to the idea of your ds staying back next time.

If they are that bothered about having the gc there, maybe you could suggest they hold the meal at a soft play area. Honestly, hourses for courses (literally), I would personally get a sitter.

My two boys (3 and 5) can sometimes surprise me and behave when out for a meal and other times can be a royal pain in the arse. I refuse to take them for meals out when they are tired and when I know I am going to be pissed off as I couldn't enjoy the meal myself.

Am wondering if the smug peeps who mention children behaving have got girls rather than boys?

Or maybe you've just been lucky.

Not dissing Puppies at all, merely untrained ones.

Perhaps your children are unable to sit at a table for a family meal, thats no reason to imply that those children that can are docile or have no character. Running around screaming like loons does not make them charming and fun.
I've worked with many children and have met few that couldn't sit still well with some time and effort. Perhaps that is not the case for some of you, but looking down on those of us who can enjoy a civilised family meal in a restaurant merely makes you seem envious.

Doodleydoo - DH has just got DS's favourite film on his ipod, his first words were "we'll be abler to go out and eat!"

We do take him things to do such as small cars, stickers, drawing etc but he is not really into all that, can't get him to colour at home so won't work in resturant.
Doodle - a good idea he loves games on DH i-phone.
As for a high chair my DS would love the challenge of climbing out of it.
I guess he is one of those boys who preferes running and climbing to all other persuits except of course TV.
We can just about manage a coffee as long as there is a chocolate cake included for DS (and DH) but he is always off after the starter if asked to sit for any longer,
At Xmas we went out for a meal on Boxing day, it wasn't too bad as other children were at the hotel but DS found a button that made a projector decend from the ceiling and he kept pressing it.
I just had visions of this projector decending from the ceiling and hitting inocent diners on the head.
Oh joy!

Yeah could deffo be a boy/girl thing

I've got 4 boys

You know what? If you don't want to take him, don't take him. Explain to everyone that, for a change, you'd like to be able to relax and enjoy your meal. You'd also like FIL to be able to do the same. Book a babysitter.

I think you can stay at home for someone's birthday if the party/event doesn't suit you.
My kids up the age of about 6 were useless at evening meals. I've always been strict re bedtimes so now they are conditioned to be sleepy at a certain time. At 3 they would have been tired and whiny after 8 pm. I would never have taken them out for an evening meal unless forced to.
In this situation I would get a babysitter. If I wasn't willing to do this (some people are anxious about sitters/ can't get their act together to organise one) then I'd stay at home and tell the inlaws that the meal is too late for sprog and I don't want to get a babysitter.
I would never have dragged my kids when preschool out for a formal evening meal. That's no fun for anyone. Thankfully our families don't do big family formal birthdays with a 3 line whip for attending them.

Runnybottom - precisely.

topsi - I presume when you say it's very generous of your PIL's you mean they pay for the meal? They enjoy the children being there and they pay, it seems a shame to deny them this... so I think that what you need to do is tell your DH you are happy to attend this with him & your DS, but he is in charge of DS for the entire meal - then see how keen he is next time

A few thoughts:

Chinese restaurants are generally not as up their arses as some other restaurants. Unless it's Yauatcha or China Tang @ The Dorchester, small children are unlikely to be a problem

Chinese people are generally not as up their arses about small children in restaurants either. I often see groups of 10, 20 or more ranging from old grannies down to little babies and I'm sure they wouldn't dream of leaving their children behind. The staff are more likely to be indulgent rather than tut as well.

Chinese restaurant with a 3 year old - yes.

It is so not a boy/girl thing. DS was always great at eating out (well, with one notable exception which I wish I could forget, in a very quiet and civilised restaurant in France, but he did turn out to be coming down with chicken pox at the time).
DD is far less co-operative - but can still be contained with care. She is much better now (3.4) but we used to try and pick tables in corners so that she could get down and play 'behind' the table (or under it) and we would be between her and the rest of the restaurant. The expectation has always been that she is quiet and plays nicely - and threats (occasionally carried out) of being taken out to the car otherwise come into play. Fortunately for us she does like colouring, though. Also - at home we expect her to stay at the table until everyone has finished, not just until she has finished - so we are only expecting the same in a restaurant.

ipod/DVD player definitely a good possible alternative for non-colourers.

Good point there Stealthsquiggle. My BOYS do eat at the table as a family at home, so it is not too much of stretch to extend that to a restaurant. They obviously dont have the crayons at the dinner table at home though!! Manners start at home, IMHO. the boys will ask to get down from the table when they have finished. Depending if we have guests they can or cant. Both of my boy are VERY boisterous a spend all day running and jumping around, but do know there are certain situations that they have to sit at a table/seat nicely. Restaurant, church, train etc. they are not docile, nor are they not 'characters'. We recently caught a train to London (1hr trip) and they were fine. I do think some of the energy can be expelled between courses by taking them for a short but interesting walk around the street/corner.

argh mil is exactly the same

every birthday, anniversary, anyone coming back off holiday we all have to go out to dinner (mils fav being a tiny tiny italian which doesn't even have highchairs, so should tell you something)

I spend the whole meal running around like a loon, whilst they help by giving the DC cutlery to play with (which they then bang on the table/glasses/floor) ordering more and more food (which they chuck on the floor/won't eat) or traipsing in and out of the door with them to run them around outside

I decided not to go ONCE and DH was going to take them instead, but nobody wanted me to be left out so we did the meal and bils instead and they all moaned like hell about it

Your children throw food on the floor, run around and create havoc, and its your MIL you're annoyed at?

Oh.....kay.

If you have never seen a child who cannot physically sit still, you have no experience of my child, chippinin, and therefore your opinion on my child's inability to sit still isn't really valid. I repeat - my oldest child cannot sit still despite extensive training. Nobody else can make him sit still either. My youngest child might have run riot if I had allowed him to - I didn't and he doesn't. I was no stricter on my second child than on my first, they are jsut two completely different children. At 3, ds1 was able to walk 4 miles to the local petting farm, walk around, walk four miles back and be ready for bed at 8.30. Ds2 would get as far as half way then physically collapse. He's not naughty, or lazy, he has different physical requirements to Ds1.

Or are you one of those people who has really low standards of behavior, beaming "Haven't you all been good!" at two children who have, in fact, driven everyone nuts.

Glad no one has shouted at me, we don't have one yet but we are going to get one after going on holiday last yr, someone had one there and my dd basically sat at their table every night and watched peppa pig with their son.............we had a lovely quiet meal and so did they! But I think we are v lucky as ours is a bit of a tv addict so a dvd player I think would work - her cousin however, not a hope in hell, little mad thing running constantly - that is when we have issues as niehter will sit down to eat just mucking around and playing!

FWIW - I dont think that a dvd player is a bad idea.

At the end of the day, I think people would be fairly tolerant if they could see that you were trying to get them to behave or whatever, and not just shaking your head at them and calling them a nightmare, iykwim?

True, some kids cant sit still. And thats just them All kids are different. Even in the same family!

PMSL - no, I am certainly not one of those people who has a really low standard of (acceptable) behaviour, quite the opposite.

Of course my opinion about children who 'can't sit still' is valid. What a daft thing to say.

If you are unwilling/unable to get your 6 year old child to sit still, maybe you need to look at why this is the case. I can't imagine a teacher putting up with this behaviour in class - how does he cope there?

"Bovinely docile" totally agree with that, some kids look like they've been sedated and would need a cattle prod to get them going.

I think a DVD player is a brilliant idea (just remember earphones).

We regularly take our dc's to restaurants as we dont have many babysitters (none at all when we first moved here) and we have had some lovely meals where they have all been well behaved - on the other hand there have been a couple of disasters.

Really depends on what frame of mind my 3 yo is in. She CAN sit still if she wants to but when she doesnt its a nightmare. We normally ask for a table at the back so if she doesnt sit still it doesnt intrude on other people too much.

If I was you, I would book a babysitter and go myself.