To expect maternity ward to respect my wishes?

[victoriascrumptious]

I'm a bit fucked off at the moment. I was admitted into the antinatal ward the other day for some checks. I brought my handheld notes with me (as you do).
Basically the notes contain a birthplan template which you are supposed to fill in. Mine contains basic instructions for yes I want to b/f, yes I want vitamin K, yes I am open minded about drugs-would like to see how it goes. Nothing unsual about that

The one point of contention is that there is a question as to whether you want student midwives in the room-so I said yes but only if they are female. I don't want a male midwife present at the birth, I don't want a male midwife or consultant doing internal checks.

It would appear that there is a male midwife on the ward who I am sure does an excellent job. However it seems some of the female midwifes were grousing about what I had written as I heard them bitching as I walked past.

I don't really give a fuck if men want to be midwives however out of personal choice I don't want one present at my childs birth. Men stress me out on a very primal level for reasons I wont bore you with. If I was to have a cx they can invite the whole of the local rugby team into my room if they wish-but I dont want a man there when I am trying to dilate FFS!

When I was on the ward they made a pmy blood pressure/chat to me etc(this was after I had heard them bitching)so they are clearly trying to make some sort of political point as there were about 4 other female mw's in the staff room drinking tea. I didnt care about being seen by him then as I wasnt in active labout but I am really really annoyed that if this has happened once they are going to ignore my requests when I am actually in labour.

This has upset me so much I am now thinking of VBACing at home as I really dont want a fight on my hands/bad feeling in the room when I am trying to give birth.

AIBN? Am I being nuts?

You can have a smear done by a GP, practice nurse, or failing that go to a clinic. I'm sure lots of women make the choice to have their smear done by a female.

The OP does NOT MIND that the male MW took her bp, however she thinks the female MWs asked him to do it to make a point.

BTW sex discrimination does not apply in certain situations - personal care being one of them, so if you are a carer for someone they have the right to request you are the same sex. I wonder whether this is one?

As for people telling her she might have to accept a male consultant etc, yes of course but your birth plan is WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN, IDEALLY. get it??

anyone trotted out the old "if you don't pay for it you get what you're given" line yet? cos obviously the NHS is a voluntary service

have you given any thought to what will happen should you require an assisted delivery when the time comes?, in the event of forceps, or a ventouse delivery the midwife will have to call a consultant to help, what if the only consultant available is male?

oh and there was a thread a little while ago about a woman (not an MNer) who objected to black MWs. Much as it sickens me I'd argue it was her right not to be treated by her in labour if possible, but the consequences explained

lucykate, anything might happen. Doesn't stop the OP outlining her ideal, i.e. her birth plan!

OP has stated that if she had to have a cs it wouldn't bother her who was there.

"If I was to have a cx they can invite the whole of the local rugby team into my room if they wish-but I dont want a man there when I am trying to dilate FFS!"

I think you'd do well to get counselling about your past, tbh.

As pointed out, many OB consultants are male and you won't have a choice in the matter.

What if later on you have a GYN issue and the only consultant is male?

What if you need a colonoscopy and the consultant is male?

My dad had a female urologist remove his prostate. She has to handle a lot of knobs on a daily basis.

The fact is doctors and healthcare professional are trained to deal with a specific part of the body, regardless of their gender, and in the NHS you're likely not going to be able to select on this basis.

StealthPolarBear has just said it, but I am going to repeat it in the hopes it will finally sink in.

The OP didn't mind the male midwife taking her BP but thinks the midwives did it to make a point!!

She is also worried that this demonstrates that they are likely to ignore her wishes when she IS in labour!

posie parker - if your DH needed an intimate examination, and being assured that he would see a male doctor for it made him more comfortable with the process (and more likely to see treatment if he thought there was a problem), I think that would be ok

it is only discriminatory if the op pp's husband (hypothetically) felt that the HCP was going to be crap at their job purely because of their gender

I actually think it needs saying again

I think it is fine to ask for no male midwives when you are in labour. There will be plenty of women (like me) who don't care one way or another for them to get the experience they need.

I don't think giving birth is undignified at all and I personally I think it is one of the few times in life where you can be completely selfish and demand exactly what you want. Whether that is possible is a different story.

For smear tests etc I prefer a woman and will seek one out, if on the NHS this means waiting longer for an appointment sometimes or paying privately, both of which I am fine with because a man can do a smear test perfectly well, but my preference is for a woman.

re "What if later on you have a GYN issue and the only consultant is male?

What if you need a colonoscopy and the consultant is male? "

I think the OP has made it very clear that if it comes down to an emergency situation, she does care who is there - rugby teams and all.

But isn't it very well understood that stress can have a very negative effect on birth and can slow things down, resulting in intervention?

Therefore if the OP wants her birth to be as straight forward as possible, she needs to avoid things that make her unduly stressed.

It has been recognised on here for yonks that homebirths are great for some people because they avoid the stress and negative associations some people have with hospitals, making for less stressful and therefore easier births.

The OP knows a male midwife will stress her out, and wants to avoid this, presumably to keep her chances of a straightforward birth as high as possible

Give her a break!

agree Morloth

and sparechange

"I don't see how a "no male staff" preference should be any more acceptable than a "no black staff" preference. "

I am sure there are situations where these things can be accomodated, and that it is reasonable to do so.

I am not surprised that the OP is upset that she overheard the mws bitching about her, and that she thinks they got the male mw to take her slood pressure to make some kind of a point.

I also think she is not being unreasonable to ask for no males while she is delivering unless there is no alternative.

I always ask for a female when I go for a smear. No-one has ever had a problem with that. In fact if it is not a female doin it they say "Dr X is on that day and he is male, would you like to rebook with a woman?".

I do think the OP should be able to make and have any, within reason, request respected however I think requesting no staff of a particular gender does warrant an explanation as on the face of it it's discrimination.

The issue here is not whether the op is justified in requesting a certain option in her birth plan but rather that having made that preference known she heard the midwives discussing it in a critical manner. She feels vulnerable as a result.

If the midwives needed to discuss this they should have done so well away from patient areas. Not only did the op hear it - but one assumes other patients could hear it too. This was a breach of confidentiality and she should take it up with the Head of Midwifery.

Fwiw I think she is being perfectly reasonable to request female carers where possible. She has acknowledged she doesn't expect the same in antenatal care and in emergency situations. You may not agree with her take on this but her request is not damaging to anybody - I'm sure the male midwife will survive without deleivering her baby!

Personally I don't want anyone extra at the birth, male/female or otherwise.

I don't think it would really bother me to have a male midwife - just like it was ok when a male obstetrician had to check my stitches after DD was born.

However the OP has the right to request a female midwife etc - she is being totally U to think that ebcause a male midwife checked her bloodpressure they will not listen to her wishes during the birth.

If they were bitching about her then the midwives are being very unprofessional and actually I don't blame her for being concerned about what will happen come the delivery.

I think you should be able to say you would rather a female midwife treated you without any problem of accusations of being sexist.

Is there another hospital nearby you could switch to?

You could speak to the Superintendent of Midwives at the hosp you are currently attending but sadly I doubt she will do anything because the midwives will deny it or say you misunderstood.

I feel for you because you don't want this hanging over you when you go into labour.

Can you to speak to your midwife that you see at the GP and see if she can liase with the hospital on your behalf?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

I have worked with male midwives and the ones I met are excellent but if you aren't comfortable then I believe its ok to ask for a female.