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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

breast is best

643 replies

Haitch27 · 14/02/2010 00:56

Is anyone else who is pregnant sick to the back bloody teeth of the 'breast is best' campaign being shoved down your throat everywhere you turn and being badgered by health carers to attend breastfeeding 'workshops'?? Maybe its just where I live but it seems to be everywhere yet the one thing no one says is "are you planning to breastfeed"? Assumption that all Mums will!!
Curious to know as I said if it is just my area or is it everywhere?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 14/02/2010 11:55

Yes poo we do need a study, apparently in Norway, Denmark bf rates are high and that they do have a lot of support to help bf which we dont have. I expect in developing countries you might have another family member or friend to wet nurse if the mum is finding bf diffiuclt, as we dont have here.

pigletmania · 14/02/2010 11:57

Yes I do poo, if they are in my face there weighting my baby and telling me to give formula top ups, they can dame well steer me in the right direction and help, thats what they are there for.

pigletmania · 14/02/2010 11:58

If there is no support they can give me numbers and direction as where to go. As i said now if we have a dc2 i will be getting support and info myself but for a first time mum who is overwhelmed, stressed and does not have the insight.

ShowOfHands · 14/02/2010 11:59

Irons, of course a small number of women can't bfeed. But an enormous number of women can but don't through lack of information and lack of support and campaigns such as these are trying to reach them, not give a retrospective comment on somebody's bfing failure.

And yes, I understand, many of you ffed and got criticised. I bfed and had the same. It's not about the method of feeding, it's about the twunts out there that have to criticise strangers.

And the bfing rates are slowly improving actually. You could argue that the campaign is working. You could also argue that what's holding it back from working better is the normalisation of ffing, the misinformation touted by and lack of training given to hcps with their 'top ups' and 'centiles'. More and more women are trying, but they're up against it. Advertising of formula, white coat sanctioned advice from the hv in your front room (who must know that your child needs a top up because they're trained right?), myths that prevail about formula fed infants sleeping better, diet and stress affecting milk, breast shape ruined by bfing, women having to go back to work and not supported to or able to continue feeding, breasts feeling empty, not able to express so not able to feed, the baby not doing 3hrly feeds and on and on and on ad nauseum. Perhaps it's not that the promotion of one doesn't work but the pushing of the other and its associations are negatively affecting the way we do things here. It's not just the campaign that determines the choices that are made, it's a complex issue that won't be solved easily. And good, solid, factual information is the start. It has to be out there, trying to counter the myths and struggles that prevail.

chibi · 14/02/2010 12:00

But bf isn't like being able to speak 10 languages. It is normal, and something nearly all women are physically capable of. Whether they want to or have the support to is another story.

An analagous situation would be walking- yes there are some people who can't for whatever reason but it is the biological norm to be able to.

Imagine being told that sure, many people might want to walk, but it was very, very hard and you will be extremely lucky to manage it even for a little while.

Obviously successful bf depends on more than just physical capacity but I don't think it's doing anyone any favours to pretend it is a skill on par with tightrope walking.

thumbwitch · 14/02/2010 12:01

piglet, there are some women for whom the decision to ff is a lifestyle choice for themselves, rather than a considered choice for their baby. My sis was one of these - she felt ill at the thought of bf'ing her DDs, as thought "she was a cow or something". I did my best to educate her (as nicely as poss considering these were my nieces as well) but she was having none of it - bfing to her was "unnatural" . There were 6 women in her ante-natal group and 3 of them felt the same way my sis did.

pooexplosionsareimproving · 14/02/2010 12:04

Aren't there posters in the waiting room with numbers on? Unless they've all been taken down so as not to upset people. If the nurses give you leaflets and phone numbers they are accused of forcing it onto you and being feminazis, if they don;t they are denying you support and help. I wouldn't want to be doing their job, would you?

I'm not trying to be harsh, honestly, I just really don't get it. I'm sure its just because I don't live in the UK, but there does seem to be an over-reliance on the NHS and a lack of personal responsibility for doing it yourself. And while I do realise that its overwhelming especially for first timers (I was one, I get it), I think its disingenous and rather insulting to imply that we all leave our brains behind in the delivery room.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:06

good post chibi
There are lots of women who can't breastfeed, but could if the support and help had been in place (and that includes normalisation). That is no criticism of those women but they are victims of the culture.
My friend desperately wanted to bf, was excited about it in pregnancy, had two weeks of pain, had bfcs checking her latch and (presumably) help from MWs and HV. She stopped after 2 weeks. No doubt she 'could' breastfeed physiologically but in reality, she couldn't. More practical support and expertise is needed, but the only way that will become reality is if the general awareness of bf being 'normal' is raised - which these posters are part of. As chibi says, if you went to your doc and said you were struggling to walk you'd expect him/her to pull out all the stops to fix the problem and that there would be experts in place who would be able to figure out what was going on and how to fix it. The fact that millions of people use wheelchairs and lead fulfilling and successful lives shouldn't mean that it's OK not to even bother trying to fix your walking.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:07

well obviously chibi didn't say that long ramble. But expanding on her example

ShowOfHands · 14/02/2010 12:07

pooexplosions, have recently seen posters in the GP's waiting room, the baby clinic, the hospital paediatric department, the village hall (home of a baby group), the pharmacy.

They are out there and definitely not just in the antenatal clinic.

ShowOfHands · 14/02/2010 12:11

And you get all this info whilst pg because it's forewarned is forearmed and it's assumed you'll have more chance to read it.

As well as dvds and leaflets about bfing, while pg I was given leaflets about PND, bonding, how to play with a baby, baby groups in the area, how Dads can be involved, SIDS, general care of babies and on and on.

If a hcp had dumped all that stuff on me with a screaming newborn, I'd have used it as kindling, I hadn't time to read and absorb info after the fact.

I wouldn't get a pet fish without learning about its needs beforehand. I can't imagine why you would wait to gen up on a baby.

pigletmania · 14/02/2010 12:21

Well I did Poo and thought that bf would be really easy and come naturally hence not doing any research, hindsight is a good thing. Ihave not seen any posters about bf in our drs surgery recently with numbers of the NCT and LLL. As I intended to bf and were trying to, the MW could have helped more esepcially as it was the same one advocating bf in our antenatal classes. Where are you Poo? In some cultures it is normalised and the support is much better, but in the UK and also USA not so. Correct me if i am wrong, but in the USA there is a formula culture, my cousins wife in the USA gave up bf because formula was 'easier' and she could have her body to herself and her life back, i think thats the general line of thinking in the USA if im corrected.

pooexplosionsareimproving · 14/02/2010 12:25

I'm in Ireland, so very similar to the UK, possibly worse attitudes to breastfeeding.

pigletmania · 14/02/2010 12:30

I know thumbwhitch, I asked my friend if she bf her baby and she said no way she finds it yuck! There are people like that and i guess thats who these campaigns are aimed at. My cousin expressed exclusively for about 9 months as she did not like the idea of putting baby on the breast. Since having dd and not succeeding in bf its made me quite interested in the way mums feed lol. Oh right poo, I think that in Scandinavian countries the rate of bf is high, but they do have a lot of support there and it is normalised.

Mumcentreplus · 14/02/2010 12:31

I cant understand why a poster or 10 would give you such guilt..you tried your best..you love your child..your doing whats best for you and your baby right?..if its something you couldn't handle or control why all the mental flogging?..so much so that you begrude other mothers information and encouragement???

I agree with poo when she speaks of personal responsibility..while I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breast feed or at least try so.. I went online and investigated, spoke to other mums,cared for my nipples while I was pregnant,read about it etc etc...

if its something you are considering as a mother seems relatively normal to explore it..

but I do agree mothers do need more support and hands on encouragement

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 14/02/2010 12:37

Message withdrawn

lovechoc · 14/02/2010 12:52

YANBU it really is everywhere, not just your area.

I have BF my son and plan to with the next one but it's a personal choice and shouldn't be rammed down everyone's throats. Not everyone has the patience to breastfeed their babies, it's very difficult to do to begin with.

Nessarose · 14/02/2010 12:57

I started out b/feeding with ds1 and was told by the m/wives to give him formula as a he was a hungry baby. I listened to them.

Tried again with ds2 but had to stop as he was seriousle ill. If i had not switched to a special formula ( stay down, he had severe reflux and we still have issues with it now hes 7)he would have died.
Tried again with dd and it worked. But only as i had a great support network.

pooexplosionsareimproving · 14/02/2010 12:57

"shouldn't be rammed down everyone's throats"

This phrase makes me sick. Please explain how this occurs?

thedollshouse · 14/02/2010 12:59

Perhaps it is because I am expecting my second child but nobody has asked me how I intend to feed my baby or asked me anything at all really.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:59

so in your experience, in the absence of extreme circumstances, it's the support that makes the difference? Totally agree.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 13:00

weird tdh, couldn't tell from the other thread if you were pg now or talking about the past. Congratulations . Do you plan to feed the baby yourself?

thedollshouse · 14/02/2010 13:15

I am pregnant now but I was talking from the past on the other thread, if that makes any sense!

I plan to feed this baby with my (ahem) breasts. I am seeing my mum next week and can't wait for her to ask that question I think I will play dumb and pretend I don't know what she is talking about.

Veritythebrave · 14/02/2010 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 14:37

Verity it sounds as though you've had some horribl;e comments As for "In my day we didnt have formula, you either breastfed or your baby died " - total rubbish! Before formula was widely used babies used to be given anything and everything as a bm substitute, until they were weaned with rusk in a bottle at 3 weeks of course

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