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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

breast is best

643 replies

Haitch27 · 14/02/2010 00:56

Is anyone else who is pregnant sick to the back bloody teeth of the 'breast is best' campaign being shoved down your throat everywhere you turn and being badgered by health carers to attend breastfeeding 'workshops'?? Maybe its just where I live but it seems to be everywhere yet the one thing no one says is "are you planning to breastfeed"? Assumption that all Mums will!!
Curious to know as I said if it is just my area or is it everywhere?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 14/02/2010 19:52

sorry ladyintheradiator I will go back and have a look. I have been a bit preoccupied with milly's comment TBH.

Mumcentreplus · 14/02/2010 19:53

hahaha...dark..I surprised you even had sex lady!..got to be too much work for ya!..thats really messy,orifices being entered,slimy at times..hot and sticky (if you are lucky)did you allow breast sucking?.. ..as you say..cows milk is a great easy alternative for your baby..

darkandstormy · 14/02/2010 19:54

What I mean to say is my bmi is very low,most bf I know had a massive struggle wiyh their weight afterwards,but were led to believe it would help them lose weight .

Allidon · 14/02/2010 19:55

I am fully aware of the facts surrounding BF (especially by the time my 3rd child was born), and I still chose not to. I can't explain why really, I just didn't want to. I wish I wanted to, obviously it is nutritionally better, overall it has better health outcomes and it fits in with the way I naturally parent and have parented my younger children (too much intefering from an overbearing MIL with the first one). When I was pregnant with the 3rd I tried and tried to talk myself into it, and it all made perfect sense, until I thought about the actual feeding part. If I could BF without my body being involved I would. I hate the idea of a baby at my breast, hate the sensation of leaking milk and hate the feeling of the baby sucking my finger. I love the idea of BF, of being able to feed completely on demand, in a sling, while co-sleeping etc. I love seeing people BF. I just cannot bring myself to do it.

Allidon · 14/02/2010 19:56

I am fully aware of the facts surrounding BF (especially by the time my 3rd child was born), and I still chose not to. I can't explain why really, I just didn't want to. I wish I wanted to, obviously it is nutritionally better, overall it has better health outcomes and it fits in with the way I naturally parent and have parented my younger children (too much intefering from an overbearing MIL with the first one). When I was pregnant with the 3rd I tried and tried to talk myself into it, and it all made perfect sense, until I thought about the actual feeding part. If I could BF without my body being involved I would. I hate the idea of a baby at my breast, hate the sensation of leaking milk and hate the feeling of the baby sucking my finger. I love the idea of BF, of being able to feed completely on demand, in a sling, while co-sleeping etc. I love seeing people BF. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do, and I am grateful for the fact that I live in a Western nation where I have the choice of an adequate substitute.

darkandstormy · 14/02/2010 19:57

mumcenterplus-quite the opposite in fact as I said pre pregnancy figure baby tucked up in cot sma full belly,quite the opposite

scottishmummy · 14/02/2010 19:57

oh pipe down.its formula not crack coke.i can tell you many ethical quandaries exist in nhs regarding neonates and babies

babies born addicted to illicit street drugs
foetal alcohol syndrome
capacity of mum to look after baby,needs ax and involvment of other statutory agencies

these things have deep ethical and financial impact upon nhs

a mum ff her baby is not a crisis in nhs and it is wring to suggest clinicians are in turmoil about ff. they arent

Allidon · 14/02/2010 19:57

Sorry for the double post, I got an error message the first time and didn't think it had posted.

Babieseverywhere · 14/02/2010 19:58

ManchesterMummy For you, that midwife had no right to shout at you. How would you feel about complaining about her attitude and behaviour towards you ? She certainly needs some retraining at the very least.

Good luck TTC2. When he/she arrives bear in mind the bottle and breast board on Mumsnet has loads of nice supportive posters and an qualified BFC Tiktok.

Allidon · 14/02/2010 19:59

You know what RubyBuckleberry, it's attitudes like yours which put people off discussing why they don't want to BF.

hides thread

ImSoNotTelling · 14/02/2010 19:59

Yes LITR i see your point from earlier about facts vs opinions in the context of this thread.

I was trying to take darkandstormy's ideas and think about whether those ideas are around in society in general and if so what to do to address them.

It is good that you had the resource of MN to look to when you experienced difficulties - however while this is an excellent resource it's not available to everyone. Maybe it should be? MN has helped me far more with all sorts of things than anything in RL.

MillyR · 14/02/2010 20:00

I think BF is ethically similar to 5 a day. The Government tries to encourage us to eat them and feed them to our children, but nobody is suggesting you shouldn't have kids if you don't, for whatever reason, manage 5 a day every day.

RubyBuckleberry · 14/02/2010 20:02

blimey, sorry allidon . am i not allowed to voice my opinions? i am interested in the subject and genuinely don't understand. i think that many women feel betrayed by the current situation and this should change.

bubbleymummy · 14/02/2010 20:03

Darkandstormy- are you under the impression that you can't get your figure back quickly if you bf? I bf both my ds and was back in my size 8 jeans within weeks of giving birth- I actually have to eat extra meals to compensate for all the calories I'm burning off by feeding!

Babieseverywhere · 14/02/2010 20:03

Allidon, thank you for posting (twice LOL). It is interesting to hear different mother's points of view

mistletoekisses · 14/02/2010 20:03

Oh dark - come on! you are happily merry on your valentines day tipple having a good chuckle at winding everyone up!

Now with the weight thing!!! Give us a break.

You know full well that ff/ bfeeding aside - if you want to return to pre pregnancy weight/ figure, it is about lifestyle choices re food and exercise. And nothing else.

And if parts of your body dont return to pre pregnancy proportions (hips/ feet etc.). It has nowt to do with bfeeding.

MillyMollyMoo · 14/02/2010 20:05

No MillyR but if you refused to give your children five a day for a pretty poor reason then people might suggest that your priorities were all wrong and motherhood wasn't for you.
This isn't about people who cannot breast feed, they have every sympathy I'm sure, my third was actually the hardest of my children to feed it bloody hurt at times so giving up, yes I do "get" that. It's the here's a choice and a mother not taking the scientifically proven best one I truly do not understand and neither do many others.

ooosabeauta · 14/02/2010 20:05

Manchester Mummy that brought a tear of recognition to my eye. I was 'well-informed' I thought, and extremely pro-breastfeeding, and had not considered the possibility that it sometimes doesn't work for some women. I thought that was flakey, much as so many women who have successfully breastfed seem to do. However, my ds, despite a wonderful latch and persistent sucking, was not getting any milk. I didn't know it, and was so puzzled by his continuing weight loss over the first two weeks. Numerous health visitors handled me and tried to coax something out after this time, and it was established that I just wasn't producing milk. I took Fenugreek tablets and tried everything I could to make it start, but nothing helped. Eventually my concerned hv told me he needed a proper meal, I cried and cried and then gave him a bottle of formula and he was a changed (less desperate) baby.

My aunt, who is a retired midwife, told me what a shame it was that I'd given him a bottle, as did my cousin who is a midwife, saying that she doesn't know any right-minded midwife who'd recommend it. I felt like such a failure. 18 months down the line, my ds is the healthiest baby in his antenatal group (including compared to those breastfed). No asthma, exzema, infections, bugs, constipation, weight issues, all of which have been experienced by the others. I'm so grateful to the formula for rescuing my baby when he was in need! I find it really difficult when people who haven't experienced this write off non-breastfeeding mothers as lazy, stupid or ill-informed.

ImSoNotTelling · 14/02/2010 20:07

Yes that makes sense milly.

Also that many many people, with all the best intentions in the world, don't do the right thing. Again for all sorts of reasons.

I was thinking earlier about the argument that BF is "natural" and that therefore women should get on with it.

It occurs to me that human lives in this country are very far from "natural", from cradle to grave. Cars, computers, supermarkets, pretty much everything is going in the direction of removing us from our "natural" environment. The only natural things we do are piss shit and shag. And I'm sure many people would like to do away with the first two. Even eating is far removed from a "natural" experience.

So given that we are so removed from nature, and our society is geared to make everything as easy as possible with no effort or difficulty, let alone pain, is it any surprise when women, confronted with the idea of both childbirth and BF, baulk.

Allidon · 14/02/2010 20:08

It's not your opinions Ruby, it's the way you put them across. Why so angry?

Why is not wanting to do something with their own body a "damning indictment of women's attitude in general"? I don't have a bad attitude, I care about the health of my babies (obviously) and the state of NHS.

If I have misunderstood you I apologise, my younger two were up early this morning and I am tired and perhaps a little short tempered.

ImSoNotTelling · 14/02/2010 20:08

That makes sense millyR not millymolly.

thread has moved since i posted.

scottishmummy · 14/02/2010 20:10

ruby your post was vile judgey and really attributing blame were no should be put.

"The fact that women know that FF costs the NHS millions, increases various risks to their baby(ies) and still do it, is a damning indictment of some women's attitude in general, as well as a damning indictment of today's society"

do you take a similar hard line on smoking/alcohol/ drugs when pg babies born to mums who use these substances have contraindications and incur a cost to nhs

but you single out formula?

Mumcentreplus · 14/02/2010 20:10

dark I was talking about the sex to create the baby not after..if breast pump is too much trouble I'm surprised to bothered to have sex in the first place..and I wanted to know if you allowed your OH to suck your nipples?

RubyBuckleberry · 14/02/2010 20:10

ooosabeauta that's brilliant, in the same way the the emcs i had was brilliant, despite wanting a natural birth, despite having all the knowledge, desire seemingly maximum chances of success. it just wasn't possible - DS was brow presentation. my emcs, like formula for your DS was literally lifesaving. But yours is a minority situation, as was mine, and something that should of course be available to those who need it.

Allidon · 14/02/2010 20:11

You're welcome Babieseverywhere. I tend to avoid using personal experience as much as possible of baby feeding threads but this one (for the most part) is going respectfully so far so I thought my feelings might help some people to understand the choice to FF.