to think getting a private tutor for a four year old is insane?

[mslucy]

I am rarely shocked but heard today that an old friend of mine is thinking of getting a private tutor for her son, who is one day older than DS.

She is a very successful lawyer and only sees her kids at the weekend.

She is already forking out £££s on private school fees, so why the feck she needs a tutor is beyond me.

Shocked and saddened. Want to kidnap her poor ds and take him home to our slightly haphazard household so he can hang out in the park with his mates, watch TV, play video games, read stories, chat to his parents, go to school cake sales and all the other things normal four year olds do.

Has anyone else heard of anything like this?

Have you put this to your friend?
Maybe you should, and see how she responds.

My DD has had a tutor for an hour a week since she was four and a half - she is nearly five and a half. Why not? My DD is bilingual and doesn't get as much Engish as French at school, so I wanted her to have some extra, structured English lessons and I also wanted her to have some individual attention - at school, as a good girl in a class of 30, I expect she is lucky if she gets 1/5Oth of the teacher's attention.

If you are working, mslucy, who is the one taking your children to the park and taking them to school cake sales?

Your friend has forgotten this? Based on her getting him a tutor? Please re=read your post, scottish mummy is right, you sound completely judgemental and self righteous - it's not a good look. I imagine that little boy has just as happy a life as your DCs do. it's just not the same as yours and you seem unable to accept that their life might work for them.

bt mslucy, you didn't actually tell us that your friend's ds has no balance in his life. you only told us he has a tutor. How are we supposed to deduce from this that he is not allowed to watch TV or paly Wii games? The tutor isn't around 24/7, is he?

time with a tutor not a reprobate knuckle dragger called nutz

I started to type a post, but found myself just repeating what everyone else said. You are judgemental as hell and arrogant to boot if you think the child would be better off with you. Perhaps he is genuinely struggling? Private schools aren't all academic hothouses.

Mslucy, I'm wondering about your comment ("It's about entering him into an ultra elitist world that at a very very young age.")

Is there any more evidence for this? Or are you just assuming the elitism because he is at a private school?
I am not in favour of tutors for 4-y-os myself (any more than I am in favour of Wiis for 4-y-os), but I think we might need more information. Is it your "friend"'s whole lifestyle that you disapprove of, or just the tutor idea?

nothing like a good ole inverted snob.feeling sorry for poor wee rich boy.starved of love and affection,avaricious parents.boo hoo all he wants is a rescued from his ultra-elitist hell

lucy.boil up snow and ice to make hot beefy bovril.scale the gated community walls.shouting gie me that wean you bad mutha

I'm surprised too mslucy.

Of course its possible that her son is having problems "keeping up" but I suspect you think that isn;t why she's doing it as you know her.

My friend used to tutor primary aged children and the only children she ever had under 5 were because their parents wanted them to be top of the class as soon as possible. One parent of a 4 year old asked her anxiously "do you think he'll get into Cambridge".

I agree the reference to her seeing him weekends was unnecessary and I too wouldn't e keen on 4 year old playing video games (unless you count leapfrog).

But frankly yes, in your position I would judge.

kew,the suggestion that lucy could offer a better environment than parents is deeply condescending.and deluded

and for record op states "heard today that an old friend" so not such good mates then

Apart from the whole judgmental stuff what on earth are we expecting of our children if we think they need tutors in reception?
My Ds is in reception and apart from some basic alphabet recognition and a bit of writing what could a tutor do? Arent 4 year olds supposed to learn through stuctured play.

Point taken about "heard today that an old friend"...

My experience of parents who hire tutors aged four (child not tutor obviously) is not that the child needs help but that the parents are competitive.

Of course that might be a very unrepresentative sample.

"Heard today that an old friend" doesn't make the OP sound very informed about the "friend"'s movements/thoughts/intentions.

if one hears anecdotal account hardly fair to cast aspersions on parenting abilities

YANBU. Speak to her and share your concerns.

I don't see anything wrong with this. A child's mind is like a sponge at this age, and unless the child is stressed and exhausted what is wrong with expanding their education?

kewcumber - i know of a few people who have "tutors" for their reception/Y1 children. ALL have them because they are struggling. and this is in the (very good) local state school. They feel if they fall behind now they will never keep up. i kind of get it. DD2 starts school in sept and i am starting to work on her letters, showing her high freq words. Just to give her a little head start as the pace in reception is actually quite fast imo and her nursery doesn't do it.

maybe the OPs "friend" isn't in this category, but the question was whether getting a tutor for a 4 year old was insane. if the question was "is getting a tutor for a 4 year old who is doing really in his private prep school so he can be exceptionally amazing insane" then i would give a different response.

I am laughing at the "speak to her" suggestion.Yes, why don't you do that. Do "Speak to her and share your concerns". LOL

Please do report back the Mum reactions. Perhaps elaborate upon You want to "kidnap" her poor son to give him a better life (with you)

I'd hire one in a minute for mine! Someone trained to work with children who have delays. I wish we could afford one or find one - my children could use it.

Maybe hers has issues she'd rather keep private.

Don't see why you have a problem with it or feel your homelife in necessarily better.

Maybe she thinks your 'slightly haphazard' home is a tip and doesn't see any value to video games or TV for a 4-year-old.

Horses for courses.

So she works FT. Lots of people have to, you know.

Maybe she's like me, and works because she has terrible depression that means staying at home isn't best for her or her family.

'Because I think that life is about balance.

My concern is that my friend has forgotten this. '

I think you're envious, not concerned, so have to convince yourself that your way is better.

YABU our DD had a tutor around that age, she was a wonderful lady who helped her immensley, we were all very sad when she moved away. Sounds to me like your friend is just trying to do what we all do wanting the best for her dc, if she thinks thats the best, then so what.

Sometimes intensive help at an early age is more sucessful than intensive help at a later age. Children who have spent years being used to failure are often very negative and difficult to help.

For example if the child is dyspraxic then help with fine motor skills would do wonders to boost confidence. Especially if the child gets help before he is left behind and made to feel a failure. My son went to Kip McGrath for a term for help with his hand writing at the age of six. It was worth every penny as it boosted his confidence so much.

Unlike state schools, if a private educated child has SEN the parents have to pay for extra help. Maybe this is what your friend is doing.

I am alarmed you are a teacher with those attitudes Lucy.Will you also judge the FT working mums you encounter through your work? Conversely maybe other Mum's will judge you for favouring video games and television at 4 years of age.